<p>
</p>
<p>Very unkind statement even for a ■■■■■. :)</p>
<p>I think i made that clear that if we would stay in CA, my daughter would not probably apply to BS, and probably would do well with college admission. But she did not like her new public school in AZ (one of the best in the state BTW) mainly due to lack of diversity and motivation. And she decided to apply to BS. She found what she wanted - great friends and new experience. </p>
<p>But if the discussion turned that way - I’m very glad that my daughter was away only for two years. I believe that as a family we still could teach her some real values and traditions, and I would like my daughter to stay near her then 5-year old sister as long as possible to become really close (as she was and still is with her older sister, they even did not want to have separate bedrooms old days)…Maybe I’m selfish, but I want to stay very close with my kids, and I want them to stay very close with each other. But being very close also means understanding them and letting them to make their own decisions, even when you are not sure that that is the best decision. </p>
<p>“Andover really helped her little” – helped little with what? With college admission? WE DON’T CARE about college admissions. At least we did not care with our older two kids. We know our kids. If just for college we would not let her go (and that was my initial post). She made that decision mainly to have smart and interesting friends around. And that was more than enough to take a risk. </p>
<p>Probably this is my “closing” post, I don’t see how I can contribute to this discussion any more. Have fun! I need to work.</p>
<p>
Yes, that’s what you said and that’s what i said. The posting was not about whether you care about college admission, sorrry.</p>
<p>Go do your work, but if you come on the board to share your experience and thoughts, be prepared that others may learn different things from your experience and have different thoughts than you expected. That’s how it works.</p>
<p>Mashaa</p>
<p>Your posts are heartfelt and very well stated. Some of us who have both been in boarding school and have children there (or going) keep trying to emphasize that boarding schools are moving away from the concept of pathway to “heaven” and are trying to look for those seeking a more holistic experience.</p>
<p>Unfortunately, a few parents have taken the whole boarding school debate to a pathological level. What is even more disturbing is the speculation for why people do or do not make a specific decision by posters whose only real exposure to boarding school life is living through a child’s application process or reading dubious stats that fit their preconceived notion.</p>
<p>I know of many students who apply for the 11th grade for a variety of reasons having nothing to do with trying to get into a “top school.” The same for PG’s who are needing a gap year before college because they don’t feel quite ready (not all are jocks).</p>
<p>So keep posting opinions and ignore the people who speculate but have no data to back up their opinions. We can tell them for years that our information comes directly from the source and they’ll still come back with their own “opinions” on how something works.</p>
<p><a href=“benley%20states…”>quote</a> As for students who are staying in BS for four years, they are good “ingredients” but still “raw material”, so they depend on the schools to cook and wrap and get them “marketed”.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>As I’ve said in previous posts, when attitudes like this show up on campus these parents have a direct negative impact on their child’s chances of getting into the school. </p>
<p>So stick around and join us, Mashaa. You have a lot to contribute and many of us are listening. One would hope that others with less experience would heed your advice.</p>
<p>Our son chose to go junior year to Prep school for many reasons, none of which included college matriculation. We of course considered it once we read information on this site but it played absolutely no part in his decision to go away initially. It was all about the great education and for the experience. As my husband is fond of saying, “where can you send your child away to experience some independance but still in such a safe environment?” I know little about college matriculation (except what I have read in forums and now, from other prep parents) as we are Canadian but I can tell you that we would make this choice again in a second as it has been such a growing experience for our son.</p>
<p>Stating that many parents were pulling their kids out of private schools if there was a good public school they could attend The reasons:</p>
<p>Cost
Perception that finishing in the top of the class in a public school was better than finishing in the middle of a private school’s graduation class
Public schools had pretty good offerings</p>
<p>Lvillegrad
While one could say the same for being top state quarterback at phs</p>
<p>However, from what I understand, the coach at Yale does not get to accept one that is not otherwise - can if two are equal</p>
<p>ExieMITAlum,
Honestly I haven’t finished reading your yet another long post because I am getting tired of your condescending, hypocritical and often elaborate posts. Let me explain it one more time and see if you get it. My posts were “technical” discussions on different scenrios of how BS can or cannot help college admission. I didn’t touch the subject of all of the motives and benefits of going to boarding schools nor did I imply college admission was the single most important factor to be considered. Just because you don’t believe college admission can have a place in boarding school experience doesn’t mean I have to believe it. Now, you can continue making your points but don’t try to make opinions different from yours sound ridiculous. Do you realize that you sound just as ridiculous to me? Do you get it?</p>
<p>Who do you think you are to judge other people to be “needy, overbearing, insufferable, helicopter parents”? I guess it’s hard for you to be challenged as a self-claimed authority on boarding school and college admission, but do get over it! This is an Internet board, not in your family. I can’t and I don’t care to imagine what kind of parent you are, but with the kind of personality you have shown in your posts, I wouldn’t even want to be near you in real life.</p>
<p>Good day!</p>
<p>My daughter also went to Andover as a new upper a year ahead of Mashaa’s. Given some of their similar interests I suspect they may know each other. They both also entered boarding school pretty well positioned to get into one or more outstanding universities. They were going to do well either way.</p>
<p>During a two year period my daughter had some tremendous experiences, many of which would not have occurred had she stayed in our good/very good suburban public high school and our typical suburban existence. They came about because boarding school provided not only an academically challenging curriculum (her original motivation for asking permission to apply), but opportunities to grow in other dimensions as well. Whether it was the level of personal responsibility expected/required, the social environment, the broad range of ECs unmatched by any public or day school (including being able to start her own organization when one she wanted didn’t exist), being selected for positions of responsibility within the community, developing friendships with students from around the globe, or opening doors to fantastic summer opportunities, an already mature kid for her age became even more so.</p>
<p>Did it help her get into almost all of the incredible colleges to which she applied? As noted, she was well positioned before BS, but it probably helped with some as those boarding school experiences came out in her essays and interviews. Frankly, the ones I saw blew me away as they showed a kid that was far more prepared to be successful academically and as a contributor to the college community than I was a generation ago. </p>
<p>Would her first choice school that she is now attending have been one of those she’d have gotten into without BS? There is no way to know although the last kid to get into that university from among our high school’s 3-5 applicants per year was more than 5 years ago. She certainly would have been a competitive candidate and if not there would have likely gotten in somewhere close behind on her list. </p>
<p>It’s all speculative as no one has ever done a scientific study on post-boarding school versus non-boarding school admissions. Imagine that letter, “Dear applicant, You have been rejected by (insert name of prestigious boarding school here) in favor of an equally well-qualified applicant so that you can be in the control group for our boarding school versus non-boarding school college matriculation study. Thank you for advancing the interests of science.” I’m sure it would go over well. Furthermore, as noted by several here, even if the study did show a difference, it would be a statistical impact that wouldn’t ensure anything to an individual candidate - e.g. your child.</p>
<p>What I do know is that my daughter came away incredibly well prepared to hit the ground running in college. She knew how to budget her time, how to integrate into a new community, how to live on her own, and, despite attending arguably one of the most difficult universities in the world for technical fields, had already experienced some of the first year material so the courses weren’t quite as overwhelming as I remember during my first year of engineering school.</p>
<p>I won’t lie and say that seeing her get into an outstanding university wasn’t one of the results we had in mind as a result of her boarding school experience. However, in retrospect it’s really not one of the those we are most thankful to Andover for enabling. I too have matured in terms of my perception of the value those two years provided to my daughter. As a result, when I received private messages from parents of two Andover admits this year asking questions (side note: I’m pleased to announce that PA’s getting a couple of great new students this fall), I came to the realization that the most help I could provide to each was to tell how those years as a member of the Big Blue community will help their child grow and the post-boarding school results will take care of themselves. Yes, the overwhelming majority of graduates go to outstanding universities and colleges (regardless of whether there is green stuff growing on the walls a la Wrigley Field), but the fact that they’ve been prepared for success for the next four years and beyond is the most important indicator of the return on that investment.</p>
<p>Being a year beyond boarding school parent status it’s probably time for me to leave this board to the current/prospective parents. So, I’ll just say that the answer to the question of this thread is “perhaps.” It will help some, have no impact for others, and perhaps even hurt a third group (or they may perceive that it did). In fact, it might have all of those impacts for a given student (help with some schools, hurt or have no impact with others). You will never know. So, in the end, it’s best to focus on the here and now. It was a great ride for my daughter and we’ll forever be grateful to Andover for making it happen. That is really enough.</p>
<p>Thank you Padre13 for that wonderful post</p>
<p>@Princesss’ Dad:*Lvillegrad
While one could say the same for being top state quarterback at phs</p>
<p>However, from what I understand, the coach at Yale does not get to accept one that is not otherwise - can if two are equal *</p>
<p>As is frequently the case, we can count on you for a basically irrational and pointless post.</p>
<p>How does being a top state quarterback enhancing a student’s college admission chances in any way negate the example I presented? It’s totally irrelevant to my point (attending BS enabling a student to discover a latent skill that enhances that student’s college admissions chances). Of course there are many skills that can be discovered in either a public school or a BS. So, what’s your point?</p>
<p>Also, your point about the coach at Yale being able to only choose between two lacrosse players if the admissions staff views them as equal is also irrelevant (and probably also not true - but that’s not MY point here). If my hypothetical student had never gone to BS, he would never have even gotten so far as being possibly admitted by Yale AT ALL because of the lacrosse skills that are serving as his hook.</p>
<p>In general, I believe I’ve shown an attitude of tolerance toward opinions that differ from mine and attempt to discuss points in a reasonable and rational manner. What I find intolerable are the numerous pieces of random illogic that you spew forth. I can’t tell if you are simply incapable of understanding many of the points that are being made or simply choose not to. In either case, I find you to be disruptive of the many constructive discussions in this forum between posters of reasonable, but different opinions.</p>
<p>Padre,</p>
<p>Thank you for that wonderful contribution. Well said. It will serve as a great pathway for parents struggling with this decision and will serve to counter all the parents who view boarding schools only as a means to an end.</p>
<p>Boarding school is about broadening exposures and allowing students to test their limits. Would that other parents would heed your words.</p>
<p>Padre13, Comparing Public Schools and BS are like comparing apples and oranges. BSs pre-select students whereas public schools have to accept all the kids. The better comparison will be between selective public schools like TJHST vs. BS where the college placement is equally good. Also, BS college placement looks better as they have established connections (feeder schools). You may want to think of it like: if a stranger asks you for a ride you think twice compared to when a friend of you is asking. Some of things you mentioned like starting clubs, being selected to positions of responsibility happens at PS also. To find how well BSs are doing can be done better by tracking how they do in college compared to other candidates. How many summa cum laudes/phi beta kappas at HYPMS are from BS vs. public school. I agree with you that your BS experience was positive and that it could be different for others.</p>
<p>Benley, I agree with you that Exie has strong opinions, but I wouldn’t judge her personally. She may be a wonderful lady with strong opinions.</p>
<p>Benley - your own words to another parent:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>and to the same parent about her child:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>It appears you can dish out a debate, but can’t take it when “schooled” by better informed parents with real-life experience with the situation. Instead you throw out more of the same. And yet, when others are praised, you ask for courtesy you don’t extend to others:</p>
<p>
</p>
<p>and this:</p>
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<p>Then claim “non-top-tier” parents are biased:</p>
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<p>You seem to be searching for validation. Not sure why. What I can say to the latter comment is that many of the “top-tier” alum are choosing to send their students to schools in broader range of stats and find the education to be equally satisfying. We do use our personal experience with our own schools to caution SOME parents that going for the “wrong reason” will result in a less than desirable outcome. More often than not - it’s the parents looking only at the name and stats and not looking at fit. Its the ones who are seeking validation through their child’s matriculation placing undue pressure on the child. </p>
<p>And it’s mystifying why you would tell a parent of a student who was not happy at a “top tier” school that the school wasted money on the student.</p>
<p>Not sure what your agenda is - but many students and parents come here for accurate information in what is often a gut-wrenching decision. What they don’t need is the speculation of an inexperienced parent who passes off theories and “wishes” as fact.</p>
<p>But, that’s just my opinion backed by attendance in the HADES system and 30 years of interviewing kids and parents. You are free to follow your own path and see how far that gets you.</p>
<p>Still, I wanted to back up Mashaa. She didn’t deserve your response.</p>
<p>pulsa, when someone call other people she has never met “needy, overbearing, insufferable”, yes I think I can judge her personality a bit.</p>
<p>Exie,
I am not validating anything. I am just trying to add something different in the conversations severely swayed to one direction by you, which I happen to disagree. You have successfully suppressed some different voices and turned away some posters who posted often here before you came. Remember, this is a Internet message board. Don’t even try to have everyone agree with you.</p>
<p>You seem to be bringing office politics here - relentlessly pounding people who have different opinions while building strategic alliances with others. OK, I give it to you. Enjoy!</p>
<p>Yaa, I noticed the coalition building.</p>
<p>Awe, Pulsar, I’m blushing.</p>
<p>Benley - It’s one thing to bring a different opinion, it’s another to tell a another parent under what circumstances she could post - and you were especially rude when she shared something personal about her child’s experiences at Andover.</p>
<p>Sorry, you don’t get a pass for that. I’m all about spirited discourse - heck I spar with Pulsar a lot - but I do think you crossed the line and I do suspect there’s more going on than you reveal here.</p>
<p>I have seen otherwise good students stressed and scarred because of what is going on at home and it hasn’t been pretty. Kids who contemplate (or execute) suicide because they can’t meet their parent’s unrealistic expectations for their boarding school experience. Parents who forget that BS is the child’s experience not the parents.</p>
<p>And yes - there are some who post demands about what a school should and should not do, what its purpose is for (often ill-informed) and making the process all about the parent’s needs, wants and desire, and not the child - then wondering why the child was rejected from schools they ranked high.</p>
<p>I’ve listened to arguments - ad naseum - trying to play the “my school is better than that school” based on limited stats as if the person’s whole self-esteem is tied to being able to hang a prestigious name tag around the poor kids throat. </p>
<p>You have strong opinions. So do I. The difference is - been there, done that, so have other family members and about to go “through that” with another child.</p>
<p>Where you get countered is when - as I said - those of us with ongoing relationships and first hand information try to provide an alternative opinion. </p>
<p>Go back and read your quotes that I posted above. Just as you took it upon yourself to lecture (or pontificate) to Mashaa - you can say whatever you want, but be prepared for more experienced people to enter an alternate point of view to keep the discussion trending towards the middle.</p>
<p>To other fellow CC’ers: I’ll be less “diligent” in participating in the discussions - spending more time on here than I should anyway, but I am still around and will chime in from time to time. 
Feel free to PM me.</p>
<p>I hope not “less diligent” Benley, you’ve really contributed a lot of good thinking to this and other threads, don’t be bullied please just because someone else likes to bully you.</p>
<p>In my humble opinion, when you have to keep repeating that you have all this experience because you yourself went to a BS and have experience as an adcom, to back your assertions, this tells me there is a lack of real data on the topic. Why should we believe a self-proclaimed expert?</p>
<p>In my view, parents of kids already attending BSs and the kids themselves have the most experience. If someone went to BS more than 10 years ago, I’d vote their experience is dated.</p>
<p>Finally, I’d like to see less attacks here. We’re all a BS education so that our children will get exposure to lots of different ideas, why then can’t someone with a different opinion be allowed to express it here?</p>