My sample size is limited to 2 + their friends. I have a child of each gender. What I see is that even though we live in a district of high achievers, it is far “cooler” to be a male, bright slacker, than valedictorian. Females however are still constantly trying to prove themselves worthy so it is totally OK to be valedictorian and class president and an athlete and 1st chair and, and, and. Females most admire those that are self-deprecating. Males admire those that are self-confdent and mostly (outwardly) unfazed by what others think. Caring “too much” is not manly.
"What I see is that even though we live in a district of high achievers, it is far “cooler” to be a male, bright slacker, than valedictorian. "
- By far NOT the case at expensive private HS that D. attended. They did not have vals, sals, they did not rank students either. But everybody knew pretty much who is #1 and who is ew behind. And everybody would absolutely LOVE to be there at the top. Slackers were not glorified at all, they were called slackers, not many though, with parents paying for the most expensive school in our area, they made sure that kids are not slackers, bright or whatever, hard working ethic was absolutely required to succeed and many kids were raised with the notion that eventually they attend a Grad. School. Self-confidence had no value. A in class was admired by all.
In college, one big note about self-confidence that it is on a way, it is like a wall that student has to break thru before they start seeking help. Every single kid in college at some point or another will need to seek help in some area of study. Those who hesitate, risk to fall behind in a very fast pace of college classes and they risk not to build a proper background for the next level of specific class. It happens a lot.