My D was accepted to a school that she is very interested in attending, but we are waiting for all FA/merit packages to come in. There is another school to which she was accepted that she will probably not attend. A couple of kids in her HS who know she was accepted to the latter school are putting a lot of pressure on her to withdraw her application because they were deferred and think this will increase their chances. Even though my D will probably not attend said school, she is very upset about keeping her application in play because she doesn’t want to disadvantage others - I am the one telling her to wait and see how it all falls out. (And, I think the kids are putting too much pressure on her - of course she should have not told anyone about her acceptance but that’s another story.)
So I’m asking here, how much does withdrawing your app really affect other kids from the same high school? I figure that all these schools have yield models already and they are built into their choices - and who knows if these kids would be accepted either way?
I remember being told they don’t start letting defers/wait list in until a certain time that is well after the deadline (like June) so it didn’t make a difference to anyone if we pulled it prior to May 1st anyway. Maybe that was just for a certain school, but it wouldn’t matter to me, I would not withdraw it. Things could change and that school could be needed. I would let it ride, she will naturally fall out of the system of the schools she didn’t attend. Nobody’s business, ignore the peer pressure or tell them that she is still deciding or is leaving options open. Her right. Sometimes, no good deed goes unpunished as they say.
Only difference was school’s where we had big scholarships, we sent an email thanking them for the offer, but were declining to attend elsewhere. Still was close to the deadline even for those.
In any case, if she is waiting for financial aid and scholarship offers from school X that she prefers over school Y, then she should keep the application to school Y open until:
a. She receives financial aid and/or scholarship offers that ensure that she will not choose school Y.
b. She otherwise decides that there is no chance that she will choose school Y.
Unless these schools are tremendously competitive or rarely get anyone admitted from your high school … this is probably not a real concern. But even if it is HYPS …
I think it is reasonable to keep two schools active, one your first choice and one a financial safety. I think it would be unreasonable to keep lots of schools active … since I think there are some schools that really just want one (or perhaps 10) person from some of their feeder schools … and rescinding your application may help someone slightly.
To calm the seas at school, your daughter should say she is still considering both schools due to various reasons (financial if that is OK with you) … and will let them know when she can withdraw that one.
I think it is very reasonable to tell people she is waiting for her FA package … unless everyone else in school is super wealthy.
She has to also let this go to some extent, some people think nothing is reasonable, unless it advantages them, and many kids and families are under tremendous stress with no offers in hand (which is why applying early to say the state flagship is always advisable).
She has also done nothing wrong other than applying to a variety of schools that she is interested in and qualified for.
High school classmate apparently told half the school, but not me, he was angry at me taking his (rightful) place at Cornell … I was much more qualified, but got a full ride elsewhere.
No, nothing says if she withdraws her app or declines, a kid in her own hs would get the spot. That’s wishful thinking by the other kids. Do what’s right for your family.
If there is no way that she is going to attend this school over school A, unless they make you a financial aid offer that you can’t refuse she should inform the school, she should thank the college for the admission, decline and move forward.
It is definitely not going to insure that someone else from her school get the spot, because as part of their enrollment management process the schools accept students knowing that not every student will not accept their offer of admission. The application process is a stressful one for kids and their parents.
IIRC, you were a bit upset the beginning of the process when another kid went to the Questbridge summer program when your kid did not know about the process and you felt that the kid did not "deserve’ it even though it wasn’t going to increase your child’s chances.
"To calm the seas at school, your daughter should say she is still considering both schools due to various reasons (financial if that is OK with you) … and will let them know when she can withdraw that one.
I think it is very reasonable to tell people she is waiting for her FA package … unless everyone else in school is super wealthy."
No, the daughter should have kept mum about everything in the first place. These decisions and aid needs are no one else’s business and it just perpetuates the gossip trade to start offering “explanations,” whether true or false.
The kids at your child’s high school are being wishful. The process doesn’t put an assembly line from the college to your high school so that if one student turns them down, another student pops up and takes her place. Is that the kids are picturing?
There is no reason to turn down the school now. Every year it seems parents report back that their child picked what was a non-favorite in the fall or winter over the longtime dream school. I would hate to close doors so early.
I agree that it makes no difference. Colleges admit the students they want, regardless of whether they went to the same HS. My D1’s class of 45 had 2 get into Dartmouth (at least 2 attended, could have been more acceptances) and 2 get into a very small & prestigious film school. None were hooked or legacies. But this is exactly why kids (and parents) should not talk about where they applied or where they were accepted until Msy 1. It can do no good.
One thing to remember is that colleges know everyone they accept won’t come. If they make 3 offers at a HS, none may end up attending. The “building a class” isn’t quite as precise as it sounds, since colleges can’t know which students will actually attend.
Your D should keep her options open until you have the FA package. If it is an EA school she is waiting for, she is free to wait for second school’s decision and make up her mind for sure, maybe after attending accepted student days at the early school to make sure it is the right choice. One of my kids was pretty sure one of her EA schools was “the one” until accepted visits, where it turned out not to be. Good thing she hadn’t withdrawn other apps.
I think it does make a difference. One of my kids didn’t even apply to a top school because one of his friends wanted to go there much more than he did. I have seen situations where one student applied to a school as a safety, and the other desperately wanted to go there (and was well-qualified) but the girl who used it as a safety is the one who got in.
I do think, in general, that many colleges are trying to admit a diverse class and that admitting from the same school works against that. There are exceptions of course: some schools are feeder schools to certain colleges, mainly thinking of Ivies etc.
If your daughter is sure she wants to attend the other school, and the financial aid is good enough, I would advise withdrawing the application or perhaps calling admissions to discuss the situation, and ask if it would make a difference for the other applicants.
It’s one thing to suggest that applying from the same school makes a difference. I myself didn’t apply to William and Mary back in the day because my BFF wanted to go there and how many kids were they going to accept from the same hs.
It’s quite another to suggest that one student’s turn down of an offer would be “handed back” to that high school to pull someone off the waitlist. It’s quite arrogant to think that way. The typical CC “my high school is soooooo important” blather. Not even a glimmer of insight that they might want to actually go to a hs where the applicant is the first ever.
I think this is silly. Do these students imagine that representation of their hs is the most important institutional priority for the college? Unless your daughter was the only admit from Idaho or something like that where geography was arguably an institutional need, I think they will be mor concernrned with filling the spot with someone like her, whether that is another archeology buff or harpist.
First, congrats to OP and to her D for getting into multiple schools.
I think it whether or not it makes a difference in acceptance of the second kid depends both on the HS and the college you are talking about. Some very selective colleges do look much more favorably on some high schools over others. But for most kids deferred from the early pool to the regular pool, their odds of getting in regular are not that great.
I also think that your D’s response to this depends on your financial situation, her own personality, and her relationship with these HS peers. Remember that these are HS kids, many of whom are feeling tremendous pressure, and lots of them are still learning how to deal with the HS drama. As many of us know/recall, it can be difficult to give any advice to a HS daughter, and often enough they will ignore what their parents say anyway.
As much as anything else here, it sounds to me like the message that OP’s D wants to hear more than anything else is “Yeah, this is part of growing up”. Kudos to OP’s D for being the type of person who even considers how her application may impact someone else she cares about.
Wow. Imagine this possibility. Your D gives up her spot, and the chance to compare FA packages, and no other kd from her school is given an acceptance. Then what?
My advice? Keep your options open and wait for the FA. Let the schools decide who they offer admission to, and remember that it is not your D’s decision or responsibility for anyone else’s admission anywhere.
Simple. Your daughter tells them: “I want to drop it but my mom won’t let me.”
Depending on her personality, she could relay this with rants and tears and general anguish, or she could just deliver the line with subdued sadness and resignation.
It’s her last few months with these friends, I know she wants to make them happy. Parents make exceptionally convenient bad guys in these instances.
But keep the acceptance open until a better offer is firmly in hand!
i agree with Otterma. this is a great use of the “my parents made me” excuse. in fact, if it was my child, that would be the absolute truth. any decision that has a greater than 10000 impact on my family? definitely that is an “in house” decision and not up for public debate.
Hi-Your daughter is perfectly reasonable for wanting to keep her options open–and she should (unless she truly wants to decline). A lot can change between now and May 1.
This may be the perfect time for her to learn the lesson of “I don’t need to give you a good reason why my answer is no” idea. I coach my kids in similar situations to just firmly (but kindly) repeat something like “No, I am not withdrawing yet as I haven’t made my final decision” and then nothing more (change the conversation if possible). She doesn’t owe anyone else an explanation…and I would bet donuts to dollars this will cause the conversation around this to die down much more quickly than if she opens the door with all the reasons why.
This is the same tactic I use if asked to volunteer on a committee that I don’t want to join. I don’t give a bunch of explanations, I just quickly and kindly say “oh, sorry can’t this time, but thanks for thinking of me” and move on.