Does your child's happiness at college matter?

<p>When people ask me why I want to go to a well ranked, but not too competitive LAC I tell them that that is where I would be happiest. They often then remind me that public universities can be much cheaper and that if I am going to spend lots at a private school I might as well go to Yale or Princeton. My parents feel as if it is worth it to spend $50,000 a year on a LAC, even if it is not the best of the best, if I will be happy and successful there. What do you think?</p>

<p>If your parents can afford it and feel it’s worth it, and if you feel it is the best choice for you and will make you happy, then that’s great. I wouldn’t worry about what others say; there will always be people with differing opinions based on their own outlooks and experience. Best of luck!</p>

<p>I agree with your parents, and also argue that you can’t achieve true personal success if you are not happy to some extent. Not over the moon giddy happy every second, but a place where the work is challenging but allows you to function at whatever a ‘normal’ happiness is to you.</p>

<p>If you and your parents are content, that’s all that matters. Other people’s opinions are irrelevant. Especially rude people like these appear to be. They should be saying - how nice! What a lovely area! Have fun! “Critiquing” your choice when you haven’t asked then is a reflection on them, not you.</p>

<p>On your other thread you talk about being "in love’ with a college as your only choice. I believe in having several places where you believe you will “fit”. After that, what other people say doesn’t matter. We deal with that here-D has list of schools some consider “less than”. But they are HER choices, not theirs.</p>

<p>If your parents can afford it, then it is fine. However, you might consider whether you could be equally happy and get a similar education at an LAC where your stats are higher and you might get merit money, too. My D1 ended up picking her “safety” LAC that offered merit aid, even though she got into some higher ranked schools without merit aid. Her college was strong in her proposed major, and she was the type of kid who would make the most of the resources around her no matter what school she ended up at. Hopefully you can be that type of student and get the most out of whatever environment you end up in – it is a very useful personal quality to have in life. Try to be a person who blooms where you are planted.</p>

<p>As long as you and your family are happy with the college choice, and associated costs…that is all that matters.</p>

<p>We had similar comments made to us re: our daughter’s college choice (which we still think was so wonderful for her, and gave her really good opportunities…plus a fine education). Folks wondered why we were spending top dollar when the kid could have gone to the state flagship. Well…because we could, and we agreed it was well worth the cost.</p>

<p>I do think that your title is disingenuous (as if parents are going to reply that their child’s happiness at college doesn’t matter).</p>

<p>That said, given how many freshmen post about how unhappy they are at college during their first few weeks, I question any high school student’s certainty that they can only be happy at one particular school or one particular type of school. If parents want to buy in to a student’s wishes in this matter and they can easily afford to spend the additional money on an expensive full-pay college experience, then no one else’s opinion should matter.</p>

<p>However, you should not be surprised when people question the wisdom of this sort of decision because many will genuinely not understand why anyone would pay top dollar for an education they don’t perceive as superior.</p>

<p>OP, I see on another thread that at this point you want to go to St. Olaf. If your stats make your a truly competitive candidate for admission at top 10 LACs like Bowdoin, you have a good chance of getting merit aid at St. Olaf.</p>

<p>At any rate, it doesn’t matter what “people” think. It only matters what you and your parents think, prefer, and can afford.</p>

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<p>I AM surprised when people question the wisdom of this sort of decision, because it seems like only common sense that one’s financial decisions / how one spends one’s money are not really up for others to comment on, unless their opinions have been solicited. If a friend of mine says she’s buying a new (Car Brand X), I don’t tell her that I don’t understand why she’s buying it when she can get a (Car Brand Y). Unless she specifically sought out my reaction or advice. I say “Enjoy your new Car Brand X” and move on.</p>

<p>Sometimes it’s a good idea to avoid talking about your college plans.</p>

<p>A lot of people have strong opinions on the subject based on what happened in their families. But every family’s situation is different, and different families have the right to make different choices.</p>

<p>I recently bought a new car. It was a truly new car – this year’s model. Several people at my job have criticized me for this. They think that it’s always a better idea to buy a used car instead of a new one. I disagree. But I don’t have to defend myself. Buying the car was my decision, and the reasons why I made that decision are none of their business. So when people bring it up, I say something like “My husband and I think it’s a good choice for us” and change the subject as quickly as possible.</p>

<p>Perhaps you can do the same thing when people bring up the topic of college. Can you say “My parents and I agree that the colleges I’m applying to are good choices for me” and then change the subject?</p>

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<p>There is a huge difference between buying a car and paying for an expensive college education. Most people know exactly what they are spending their money on when they buy an expensive car, and there is so much info available online about cars, that most people also know how reliable or non-reliable that car will be and the cost to maintain it in the future.</p>

<p>When it comes to very expensive private colleges, many people do not realize they are simply paying for a pig in a poke. Since the college most people go to will ultimately have little to do with their ultimate success or even the quality of their educations, the fact is that many people are scammed by paying too much for college. If 50K plus per year is easily affordable, no real harm done . . but if not. . If parents and kids are struggling with loans and to make tuition payments, its absolutely nuts to go to that most likely overpriced pig of a school and people SHOULD offer their opinions in those cases.</p>

<p>I think that a child’s happiness at college matters, but that there are a whole lot of colleges out there where a particular student can be happy. There are kids who would thrive best in a super competitive atmosphere, others who need a small LAC, others who would do best with all the offerings of a large state school, and still others who will bloom where they’re planted and can do just fine anywhere. I had one of the latter, so there was absolutely no reason to spend $50-60,000 a year for college, and she agreed.</p>

<p>If I had a child who I thought would be happy only at a particular type of school, AND I could afford that school, I would pay for it. And I would never presume to second guess someone else’s choice, because every student and every family is different. Unfortunately, many people feel free to express their contrary opinions, and make a student feel as though his or her choice must be justified. Just ignore them.</p>

<p>“If 50K plus per year is easily affordable, no real harm done . . but if not. . If parents and kids are struggling with loans and to make tuition payments, its absolutely nuts to go to that most likely overpriced pig of a school and people SHOULD offer their opinions in those cases.”</p>

<p>How would you know whether the casual acquaintance you’re talking to is “struggling with payments” and wants your advice?</p>

<p>There is a huge social difference between this scenario-</p>

<p>“D really likes school A, but to be honest, it’s more than we can afford. What do you think? Do you think school A is worth it?”</p>

<p>“Hi there. Weather’s great, isn’t it? How about those Cards and Red Sox, eh? Oh, thanks for asking. D is attending school A this fall. She really loves it.”</p>

<p>People with normal social skills understand the difference between how to respond in these two scenarios.</p>

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<p>Sure, you “might as well” go to Yale or Princeton , if you like those schools … and if you even have that choice. Most students (even excellent students) do not.</p>

<p>Look at the following list of colleges that claim to meet full financial need:
[Colleges</a> That Claim to Meet Full Financial Need - US News and World Report](<a href=“http://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/paying-for-college/articles/2013/09/18/colleges-that-claim-to-meet-full-financial-need-2014]Colleges”>http://www.usnews.com/education/best-colleges/paying-for-college/articles/2013/09/18/colleges-that-claim-to-meet-full-financial-need-2014)</p>

<p>Subtract the 8 Ivies and other super selective universities (CalTech, Chicago, Duke, MIT, NU, Stanford, WUSTL). What’s left? Boston College, USC, UNC … and a whole bunch of small liberal arts colleges.</p>

<p>Skiblack…we paid for a private school for both of our kids. We don’t believe we were paying for a “pig in a poke”. It was OUR decision to spend OUR money on these schools for OUR kids, and WE do not regret it. Yes, our public universities were cheaper in cost. No, we didn’t think they were better choices for OUR kids.</p>

<p>We were fortunate to be in the financial position to do this. We have no regrets. </p>

<p>If the financial resources are available, it is each family’s decision whether or not to spend them on private college costs.</p>

<p>My son’s first choice was Pomona, and we still run into people who have no knowledge of it and who express surprise that my son didn’t go for a selective college, given that they know he was an excellent student.<br>
People who make unsolicited critical comments about others’ college choices, cars purchased, or anything else, for that matter, are just rude. You can just smile and say, “It works for me.”</p>

<p>Right. And why bother educating them? If they cared about knowing about selective colleges, they’d know. It’s their problem they don’t know. “I wouldn’t expect you to know about it.”</p>

<p>Many people here on the east coast wonder why we paid for a public university in CA…except Santa Clara university is NOT a public university.</p>

<p>Of course, happiness is a factor, and it does matter. But though a Mercedes or other high priced car could make a kid very happy, that’s not reason enough to buy one. If the parents can afford to pay for the colleges that their kids want and they want to pay that amount, well and good. But happiness should be counted at the parental end too, you know.</p>