<p>Lake, does your child work full time in the summers? If so, IMO, that should be more than enough to pay for fun throughout the year. You can easily earn a few grand even at minimum wage.</p>
<p>He does not but again this is an assumption that he could get full time work or that he doesn’t need to take off time to go visit his elderly grandparents on the other side of the country. Our HS hasn’t even ended yet. </p>
<p>Everyone’s situation is different. Everyone can really only talk about what they have done or what works for them.</p>
<p>Some students work for pay in the summer and some students do unpaid internship in order to get paid job later on, and some students even go spend time with their grandparents and relatives, or family vacation because that’s important to the.</p>
<p>I would never tell anyone how much is enough for their kids or family. What I think is enough may not be sufficient or too much for someone else, as we have seen on this thread.</p>
<p>Jeeze I want you guys as my parents. My parents pretty much kicked me to the curb when I graduated High School. Had to find an apartment, apply to college on my own (got into Berklee College of Music), get my own car and open my own credit card. And I’m only 20! You’re children need to start realizing how good they have it. Reading some your comments and hearing how spoiled your children are makes me really hope they appreciate your generosity and don’t take it for granted.</p>
<p>Every family situation is different - I respect that.</p>
<p>My kids have no means, other than what they are able to earn themselves. No grandparents, no personal savings, no graduation or special occasion gift money $$ …ever. We are fortunate to be able to provide them with everything they need, and pretty much everything they want. My teens may think they NEED a smartphone and a Mac… but I consider those WANTS 
Their new phones and laptops, although not the preferred technology of young adults… fulfill their needs just fine.</p>
<p>S1 was able to work and save about $4K last summer and he is on track to make $5K+ this season. Our D1 is working her first job… at minimum wage, and will be lucky to earn and save $3K. </p>
<p>They are both expected to live within their means while away at school - there is no sense of entitlement or equality fostered here, where D1 expects us to supplement her earnings to rival that of her brother. If she has a legitimate need for extra funds… we will consider it. But both kiddos know we expect them to manage their expenses, as they pertain to their books and social budget.</p>
<p>Tjolmsy, since you are so mature you must realize that comparing yourself to others is not mature. Hopefully you have a good relationship with your parents because otherwise you might have said “kicked me out” in a nicer way such as “expected me to support myself” You have no idea what other’s lives are like and cannot assume so. You are even assuming these kids have 2 parents like you. </p>
<p>What makes you think these kids of more able parents don’t appreciate it?</p>
<p>I never said I don’t think they appreciate it. I said I hope they appreciate it. And I also was not saying I’m so mature. I was simply stating that my parents kicked me out when I turned 18. I was still in High School and had to find a place to live. What’s worse is my dad makes roughly $120,000 a year and my mom about $80,000. However, I will say that although I wish they would have treated their 3.8 GPA son a little better, I’ve learned not to rely on my parents for anything which I think has made me a much stronger person.</p>
<p>I’m also not saying that I’m all grown up. And yes I do have a lot of resentment towards my parents. Despite the fact that they both have master degrees, they seem to act like they don’t care about their sons education. They treat my 16 year old sister with praise, like she’s their only child and will do practically anything for her, and her grades barely match up to what mine were in high school. Either way, it’s a pointless argument. I just hope your children grow up being unbelievably grateful for everything you’ve done for them.</p>
<p>MaryOC: D has a rather old phone - somewhere in the 4+ year vintage. She knows she can upgrade anytime she likes - on her dime for the phone and on her dime for any increase in plan charges. She decided she likes her old workhorse phone - and laughs that by now it is actually seen as hipster cool.</p>
<p>Tjolmay - sorry it worked out like that for you. I was also kicked out in high school, we did work it out at the end, but it took a long time to repair our relationship. It didnt make me stronger, i just felt a void in my life. Hope you will be able to work it out with your parents at some point.</p>
<p>@oldfort I’m sorry to hear that. I will agree that in a lot of parts of my life, their actions have made my life extremely difficult. But also through their actions, there have been parts of my life that I have been able to grow from. I’m glad you worked it out in the end.</p>
<p>@DeskPotato You’re right. In that sense I did not get that impression either. I guess I’ve always looked at the word spoiled in meaning that the persons receives “things” (whether it be gifts, toys, money etc) in excessive amounts from the parent or guardian.</p>
<p>Tjolmsy, sounds like you have made the best of a difficult situation and I wish you the best. </p>
<p>I financially am able to pay for many things for my son but he often resists me spending unnecessarily. He is actually pretty frugal and has seemingly learned the lesson my husband and I transmit that things bought need to have enough value to be worth spending the money on. </p>
<p>New in our house is actually not as desirable as found and refurbished. But we are family that knows how to fix and modify things so it is the first thought we have when something doesn’t work or is needed.</p>
<p>@Lakemom well that puts me at ease knowing that at least he is grateful and understands the importance and value of things purchased. I simply was frustrated because my parents could easily pay for many things I need, but chose not to do so when I hit 18. My father actually lied on a credit application and put my name on it instead of his so that he would have an excuse not to pay for things I needed like doctors appointments etc. and now my credit is shot because I had to spend that card a lot for things like food and appointments. I also didn’t have a job when they kicked me out. Fortunately, I was able to make it to Boston and audition for Berklee with a song I wrote and got in with a very nice scholarship and will be starting this Fall as vocal principle with a major in performance and songwriting. So things seem to be working out. To put the cherry on top, I’m in the process of writing a book, so even though things have been tough, I’m confident my life is on the verge of getting really good :)</p>
<p>Thanks, Tjolmsy. You sound like you have a strong future ahead. I’m sure will go far. </p>
<p>BTW, my son has a close friend who is also starting at Berklee this fall who is very excited about going. It was the only school he applied to. Sound like a wonderful place to be musically. </p>
<p>Good luck with your book.</p>
<p>Years ago, I think I read that Donald Trump allotted $200/per month for his kids while they were in college. So basically, tuition, room and board, books are paid for. Any extras, Starbucks, dinners out, entertainment was not included. My friend’s son, has no problems buying $5.00 coffees, fancy dinners with his girlfriend, etc. $200 doesn’t last long, if you go out to dinner and lunch a couple of times. If a rich guy like Trump can limit his kids, don’t you think lesser folks, like us can learn a lesson from that? Teach your student to live within their means, or work for the lifestyle they want to support. What happens, if your child graduates and can’t find a job? He/she moves home, and you continue to give him spending $? What’s gonna motivate your child to be financially independent when you continue to support him? </p>
<p>At Cornell, you can actually log in and see how many meals, when and where you child is eating from the meal plan. Many times, I admonished my child when she chose to eat “out” instead of utilizing the meal plan. I did not give her a credit card nor did I give her “spending” money. She did fine and now is supporting herself.</p>
<p>Desk Potato- thank you. While we have helped our kids all through college by making sure that they had enough to get by without working, they still chose to work. For us, that meant $150 a month, for them to budget as they chose.
With my son, his work paid at least minimum wages -usually more. For my Dd, work was paid as stipend for field work and summer travel. I never felt that once they were earning their own money, our own support should stop. That’s just our way of doing things, and to be told by others that they “should” have used the money they earned for their extras, or whatever, seems very judgemental and presumptuous, actually. </p>
<p>Frankly, I am very proud of their accomplishments. Kid #1, summa cum laude from a top school, and a Master’s from another (Master’s on full scholarship.) Currently self-supporting working in the educational field and living back in her home town near her family, helping us out when needed. She was the one who drove me to my radiation treatments last summer.
Kid #2, two years out of college, cum laude and Phi Beta Kappa from a top school, received a competitive fellowship after graduation to work in our state capitol. He has since received a Governor’s appointment and has a full-time job–at 23. On top of that, he has managed to maintain a relationship with his sweetheart for the last 5 years, and they will be getting married in the not-too-distant future. </p>
<p>Both have had many advantages growing up; they know it and appreciated it. They have internalized the belief that for those to whom much is given, much is expected. They care about others and their world. They are not out to make as much money for themselves as possible, but rather want to serve in some way. It seems that what they have taken away from our generosity is the desire to be generous themselves.</p>
<p>People really are too quick to think that their way is the only way. There are very few universal “shoulds” when it comes to raising kids.</p>
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<p>Who paid for the meals “out”? You or her? If it’s her, and you’re trying to teach her financial independence, would it be better to just let her spend her money how she pleases? </p>
<p>Seriously JUST asking. Not trying to challenge your family or your choices.</p>
<p>D- has her own credit card and she pay the bill each month. I have asked her a few times if she ever carries a balance. She thought I was crazy for asking her if she would waste her good money on interest charges. :)</p>
<p>We prepped our kids that in college they would have to pay for all incidentals. We cover school costs, books, sorority dues and travel expenses. They both saved accordingly. D in college has gone through more than she anticipated, but said she could do better next year. She has learned a few ways to save money. She is working fulltime this summer and making a nice sum.</p>
<p>D- in high school saved like a bandit. </p>
<p>I do send little treats to my daughter at school.</p>
<p>^^^Yep, it is plenty of time to save. So mine have decent sized bank accounts with the money they have earned and saved.
Who are you to say how they should spend or not spend their money? You want yours to spend what they earn on incidentals in college. I get that. I’d rather support mine with an extra sum during the month so they can save what they make, or use it for bigger expenditures. Our choice. But it did not create entitled, unappreciative young people. Quite the contrary.</p>
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<p>well that’s good…we sure have enough of those nowadays.</p>
<p>IMO, kids who earn and spend their own money have a greater appreciation and understanding of what work is all about.</p>