My son never drank in high school and was not into the party scene. Recently, he shared with me that on several occasions, during social gatherings, he chose to drink. We had a really good conversation and am confident that he will not be reckless (does not have a car on campus). Am I being naive? Are you accepting of your underage college student drinking? Did you?
Full disclosure - I, unlike my son, was into the high school party scene and started drinking at 16. Thank you for sharing your wisdom.
Both my daughters drank in college. One got into legal trouble for it, a situation that is now far and safely behind us but obviously was horrible at the time. I did not drink in college and do not drink now but know and accept it’s unlikely my children will be teetotalers like me. I think it’s good you talked with your son. The one additional thing I’d suggest, if you haven’t already done so, is to tell him that you’ll pay for Uber (or Lyft or Sidecar) rides for him. That investment has been worthwhile to me for my peace of mind.
I had an older sib who dealt drugs. I was smoking pot, hash, and drinking hard liquor by age 12 under his influence. Decided to stop it all at 16, and have had only a few drinks a year since and no drugs. So was done by the time I went to college.
My kids did not drink at all in HS. They were nerds with nerdy friends. D1 did occasionally in college, and goes out for drinks with friends as a young adult, but it was not the center of her social life in college or now. She had no car access in college, pretty much all activitywas on campus. Driving would have added a level of concern for me for sure. D2 (college senior now) hates the taste, doesn’t imbibe at all.
You should talk frankly with your son about sex & drinking in combination, especially around the topic of consent. The judgement of one or both parties may be impaired, and a mistake can be very costly legally and personally.
D1 drank rarely until she was of age and then liberally since she became legal. But D1’s school is one of those places with a reasonable policy so there are largely no consequences for underage drinking
D2 does not discuss here drinking, I suspect if there is any it not very much.
I was only underage my freshman year and after not having drank in HS, drank regularly that 1st year
Both of my kids drank on occasion in college. So did I. My feeling was as long as they were responsible it was fine. Absolutely no driving after even one drink is tolerated at home or when my D had a car at school. Fortunately drinking was never the focus of either of their social lives even after they turned 21.
I think if you are not “accepting” the kids will drink anyway and hide it from you. Better to keep communication open.
My kids were the only one of their friends/classmates not to have a fake id. It is very common in our area both for music venues and for drinking. One of us parents drinks alcohol and one doesn’t so they’ve had the example of both.
Like @marvin100, one kid has done the brewing with friends as well.
Yes he does and yes I did. He did not in high school but does in college. We talk openly about it especially with regards to driving, sexual consent and the impact on other areas of adult life. I was not very responsible at his age and I hope the open communication results in better choices on his part.
I drank a few times in high school / college but I just don’t care much for the taste of alcohol nor do I like the party scene. I drink rarely now (a glass of wine or margarita on occasion). No moral issue, no history of family alcoholism, just not into it. I know my kids drank in college - one more so than the other. S drank at his fraternity which frankly was safest because he wasn’t getting into a car or heading to a rough part of town. (And don’t get into the “a girl could accuse him of assault”. He’s not the pick-up-girls at a party type.) D drank with friends on occasion. Both of them drink occasionally and responsibly today as adults. This generation has had the “don’t get into a car” beaten into them in a way my generation didn’t. I think there is a huge personality / genetic thing with heavy drinking and we have our family demons and addictions to be sure like every other family - but it just so happens alcohol isn’t one of them.
My oldest and middle son didn’t drink in HS but did drink once they got to school. I drank before I turned 19 (the legal age when I was in college). They were both open with us about it.
I drank in college. I know my 20 year old drinks. Not sure about my college freshman. I’ve told them both that they can Uber with my credit card any time. I suspect 20 YO mostly drinks at home when he drinks. It’s cheaper and easier after all. At least one of his roommates is over 21. My college freshman doesn’t have a car on campus so at least there’s less worry about that.
18 was the legal age at that time in our state, so it was not a college issue for us.
The legal tangles of being a legal adult but under age for alcohol consumption makes the college years a minefield today. Neighboring states handle underage drinking very, very differently, and it would be wise find out the details of any state your underage child will be in (or visit).
An example: Pennsylvania gives citations to anyone who is “in the presence of alcohol” (near an open container) with disorderly conduct or underage drinking even if no alcohol has been consumed and every person is stone cold sober. I know this because it happened to one of mine. Nobody had consumed any alcohol, the charging officer stated that to our kid’s lawyer.
Thus, a disorderly conduct citation in a neighboring state for being near a bottle of alcohol with a cracked seal.
I tired my first beer when I was 6 y o. I ended up never ever being drunk in my entire life and I am passed full retirement age. We drink pretty regularly at home. My favorites are Bud Light and expensive Cognac. I like to add Cognac to all deserts.
The drinking age was 19 for beer and wine when I was growing up (this was in Illinois). The reality was that bars would admit anyone with a college ID and I started college at 17, so…There were also a lot of parties.
Neither of my kids drank much in HS (but I suspect a little), both were/are fairly open about drinking in college.
i drank in high school my senior year. I drank more in college, but was legal at 19. As a grown-up, I rarely drink. Sometimes I feel like the only woman in the world who doesn’t get the wine jokes (I think most wine is gross–like Sheldon, grape juice that burns!), but there it is.
Oldest did some drinking summer after hs graduation. Did a little in college. Does a lot more now, as a single adult, because where do you go out with your single friends? Bars. Restaurants for dinner and drinks, etc.
Youngest drinks very little. I think, like me, she just doesn’t care for it.
D1 did occasionally in college, and goes out for drinks with friends as a young adult, but it was not the center of her social life in college or now. She had no car access in college, pretty much all activitywas on campus. Driving would have added a level of concern for me for sure. D2 (college senior now) hates the taste, doesn’t imbibe at all.