My daughter had the occasional drink when she was still underage, but I wasn’t concerned. I think you know your kid. If you see no evidence of stupid decisions, they get good grades, and are otherwise self-disciplined, the infrequent use of alcohol isn’t going to cause any harm.
Yes, I did drink in college (a lot more than I should have!) The drinking age in MA was 20 when I started school.
My son (19) doesn’t drink at school, but will have a gin and tonic every once in a while while under our roof, which is legal.
In high school, yes I did drink. I started at age 15, nothing hard, just beer. I actually threw a keg party at my house at age 15 when my parents were out of town. My high school was a small school and we had parties all the time on the weekends. Never drank to excess. Usually only 1 or 2 beers was it. My core group of friends even drank openly with some of the parents. Our parents all grew up where 18 was the legal age so it didn’t bother them. I also was a volunteer firefighter so occasionally would have a beer at the fire station with the guy’s after a call or training. This was back in '87-'88 and I was 17.
When I got to college it actually helped me because even being in a fraternity, drinking wasn’t a big deal and when I finally turned 21 and could drink legally it really didn’t change anything. I saw a lot of guy’s come in to college and that was the first time they had a drink. Some did fine and others we kept an eye on and cut them off.
As for my kids, one is too young and my Senior does not drink and doesn’t show any interest in it. Her friends and the group she hands out with are all pretty good kids and even in our school, I don’t hear a lot about wild parties or anything like that. I do expect that when she gets to college she will drink so I will discuss it with her this summer as she get’s closer to going away to school.
I did not drink in high school. I was a goody-goody. My uncle taught me to drink cocktails as a high school senior at 16 because he said “everyone needed to have a cocktail they could order” and I’d be heading off to college soon. (My parents were overseas at the time.) I took a gap year and learned to drink wine at 17 in France. I was 18 when I started college and everyone drank, (I’m sure this wasn’t so, but it seemed like it!) and not just the anti-intellectuals. I was legal, and was legal the next year when they raised the age to 19. My roommate was a year younger than me and drank illegally. No one ever bothered to card her. My recollection is that while we went to bars and there was always liquor (and pot) at college parties people did not generally get wasted.
Neither of my kids drink at all. They don’t like the taste and are immune to peer pressure. The younger one had friends who drank, the older one less so.
Mine did, my husband did, I did not until i was 18 (which was the legal age back then). I had sips, literally sips, of all sorts of drinks with my family prior to 18, but my parents bought me my first “legal” drink on my 18th birthday and unlike my H and kids never went to any high school parties with alcohol.
My DH and I both drank in HS. In college, it was heavy drinking for both of us. We haven’t been completely honest with the amounts of drinking with our kids, because, frankly, it’s not something we are proud of. We wasted a lot of time being immature. A waste of our parents tuition money.
We have talked a lot about making the most of college. Not getting too specific, but being clear that we wasted our time and money. I’m sure our kids can read between the lines. They know it’s not an opportunity for a 4 year party.
Neither of our kids drank in HS. DD didn’t go to a lot of parties and there wasn’t much opportunity (small HS). DS (a senior now) is totally disinterested in partying. He goes to a school where parties could be found quite easily… but he’d rather hang out with friends playing music, video games and basketball.
DD drinks in college. I don’t judge her for it and fully expected it. The summer before she left, we allowed her to try a couple of beers at home (when DS wasn’t home). We felt we wanted her to have her first beer in a safe place. Feel what it feels like to be tipsy. See how her body reacts. I didn’t think a college party was the first place to make discoveries. We talk very openly about partying. Today’s college life if so scary to me with the prevalence of sexual assaults. We also talk about excessive drinking and keeping an eye on each other. I don’t want her to ever feel like she can’t call me. I also feel like talking about drinking, drugs, and sex is necessary.
DS will be going to college next year. Not sure if he’ll choose to drink. Right now, he says no. He’s not interested. But just last night I talked to him about roommates and that the chances that he will party is pretty good. Hoping he can think about his options/choices before arriving on campus.
I was allowed to have beer, wine, and wine coolers from a pretty young age. My mom lived over a pub in England for many years while growing up. She drinks and turned me into a beer snob. Cheap college beer is not my cup of tea and I don’t like hard alcohol. But yes, I drank in high school and college.
My dad’s not much of a drinker but he did drink some in hs. (Never went to college.) I can count the number of times I’ve seen him drunk on one hand.
Seems like one needs to be careful when carrying the recyclables away if they contain beer bottles or cans. If the police are going to give citations for being in the presence of an open container even if one was not drinking from it or possessing it, then they will probably claim that the open container in the recyclables counts for the purpose of giving such a citation.
I partied in HS. Everyone at our school did. Huge parties. Then I went to the #1 party school in the nation for college. I partied a lot. It was crazy. Fun, but crazy.
By the time I was 22 I was over it. I think I literally partied myself out, ha. Now I hardly ever even have a drink. Maybe 1 or 2 per year, if that. Wife still likes to have a drink or 2 on occasion.
Son17 does not drink at all. He tried a non alcoholic beer though recently and didn’t think it was gross. His friends don’t drink or smoke weed. A lot of kids at their school do though.
@FallGirl just described my experience to a “T”. I didn’t drink in high school but I was an early bloomer and had graduated from college by the time I turned 19 and became “legal”. But, 40 years later, I can still reel off my SS# because that’s how the campus bars at UIUC verified that your ID was really you back in the day.
D didn’t drink in high school. I’m sure she does occasionally in college. She lives on campus and doesn’t drive, which is an important safety concern for me. She is well aware of the other dangers associated with drinking and her friendship group support and protect one another…almost to a fault sometimes.
The key thing for me is not that she never drinks but that drinking does not become the focus of her campus social life.
This may be a little long and depressing. Feel free to skip on down to the fun stories.
I was one of those Illinois kids back in the day, except that I didn’t turn 19 until they raised the age back to 21. Nevertheless, I bought beer for my friends who were 21 as a senior, because they knew I wouldn’t get carded. (I’ve always looked older. It used to be fun.)
So yeah, plenty of underage drinking in college. There was one St. Patrick’s day in particular . . . well, I’ve only heard about it. I have no idea how I found my room. And I inherited the Family Curse: we don’t get hangovers. No consequences (short-term).
So one day, in law school, as I was performing my usual Saturday night ritual of watching TV alone and drinking as much beer as I could without throwing up (or, often, “until” throwing up), it occurred to me that, from that day forward, either alcohol or me was going to be in charge. I picked me. That’s the last time I had a drink. It’s been 30 years.
Every male relative I know, on both my mom’s side and my dad’s side, ended up an alcoholic or a teetotaler (some, of course, both). Dad? binge drinker and nasty drunk. Uncle? Started drinking every day at 9 AM. (Lived a long productive life somehow). Cousin? Drank until he found Jesus, somewhere in Arkansas as I understand it.
My kids, thankfully, are not biologically related to me. We’ll see how they handle college starting next year. So far, the older one shows no inclination to drink (just like me at that age); the younger enjoys an occasional glass of wine at Thanksgiving. I hope they figure out who needs to be in charge sooner than I did.
I never drank before I was of age and still pretty much don’t drink. I just don’t like it. D2 didn’t drink in high school and doesn’t drink in college (yet). She does go to parties, but she’s known as the group grandma who is always watching out for everyone. She seems to like it that way. I expect she will drink some before too much longer (she’s 19), but I doubt it will ever be excessive. She has a fear that borders on a phobia about vomiting.
I never drank in HS and did not drink before 21 (the legal age where I was) in college except the year I was in Europe at age 20. I drank to excess during that year. I puke when I drink to excess, yet that never seemed to stop me at age 20. Go figure. However, besides that year, I have largely been a teetotaler except during my 40s. Went cold-turkey once I turned 50 as even small amounts were making me feel a bit beaten down physically. I come from generations of teetotalers as does my husband.
D16 did not drink in HS. Her social group was into board games, singing and square dance parties (lol); not drinkers or smokers (weed) at all. I can’t quite see her drinking much in college. But who knows.
D and S did not drink in HS; their social groups were more into academics and other activities than partying. While we’ve let them drink a little when we’ve traveled in countries where they met the legal drinking age, D doesn’t care for the taste and doesn’t drink in college.
18 was the legal drinking age during my college years and, in fact, the best bars with the biggest selections were part of the student unions on my and my friends’ campuses (I went to college in Wis.). Our dorm parties all included beer kegs, with the RA in charge of keeping order. With all that, I was a moderate drinker and pretty much stopped drinking my senior year. In grad school, social drinks with friends was common on weekends.
We’ve made it clear to our kids the need to understand the risks of alcohol and drugs, whether for safety, sexual, or legal issues, as well as the whole discussion that their brains are still developing at this stage in life. Hoping it sinks in. After reading these posts, it’s a good reminder to me to keep the conversation going.
I am against any mixes, cocktails, etc. IF D has to drink alcohol (social pressure, experimenting, etc) I suggest to drink !good! red wine. And plenty of water. The rule is simple - 3 glasses of water per 1 glass of wine. I used to drink this way in college and I never had any health issues. It is almost impossible to get drunk if you consume 3 times more water than wine.
I did not drink or do drugs in high school or college. Never had a cigarette. I’m not a goody-goody or religious; I’m a control freak, a hypochondriac, and a health nut.
Both D’s have inherited my control freak tendencies, but it’s mollified significantly by H’s wildly rebellious tendencies (we make an interesting couple). Neither of them are afraid to try new things, but they’re picky about their experiences.
I think they’ll probably both try alcohol in college, although neither of them is excited about the idea-they see it as a potential problem to be managed rather than a social lubricant (all of us are extroverts except H, and don’t need alcohol to socialize).
My older son went to McGill in Montreal where the drinking age is 18. He would have a beer or two after classes at the on campus pub, sometimes with professors! It is a totally different environment than here in the US.
I didn’t drink in high school or college.
Dd who will be 21 in a few months doesn’t drink at all.
Maybe later she may have an occasional drink but she is not interested in drinking nor is she interested in the party scene.
I don’t have an issue if she chooses to have a drink on occasion with her friends.
The concept of drinking to the point of passing out or getting sick doesn’t interest me.
