<p>THIS WAS EXCERPTED FROM ANOTHER POST. MAYBE IT HAS SOME USEFUL INFO:</p>
<p>Maslow's hierarchy of needs essentially says that over time people first focus on what they need to survive, and once that is covered, they start thinking more about individuating and self-actualizing -- or in other words becoming who they want to be and pursuing their deepest dreams.</p>
<p>The people in the world I know who I envy the most are those who know what they want and treat their goals along these lines as importantly as their fight what they need to survive. Take for example, I don't know, George Lucas. If you look at this life, I don't think he ever really doubted that films were his passion and he went for it and didn't ask questions. (I don't really know his story that well so maybe I got it wrong, but he could be an example.) On the way to doing what he needed to survive through work, he found what he needed to thrive and vice versa.</p>
<p>You, Yellowenigma, are in the position I was in and it is a vastly different position from George Lucas. You don't connect your survival with what you are doing now on a day-to-day basis. And your own potential self-actualization -- i.e. becoming who you really are or want to be in life as you become a fully independent adult -- may seem to you to be unrelated to your survival. Therefore, there's nothing really inspiring that's pushing you to really buckle down and work.</p>
<p>I find the dilemma you are in is really typical of people in the middle and upper middle classes. I would guess you are one or the other. Some people need the fight to get them off your butt, but you don't really have a fight that you are facing in your environment. Only people who more or less blindly follow others advice to buckle down and work hard for the later payoff or those who are visionary in the sense that they can connect the dots between what they want to do now and how they want to realize their dreams 10 years from now understand that their fight has already begun and doesn't involve just getting into school but in making themselves better educated and more passionate and interesting people or more simply, like Lucas, they are already following their dreams. People in the lower classes already have their feet to the fire and understand much more instinctively that they need to fight to survive. And people who are truly in the rich classes don't really need to worry about survival; some of them are self-motivated anyway and do well and others of them squander their lives and do stupid things (Paris Hilton, IMO).</p>
<p>People in the middle class are a hybrid. In the current moment, there's nothing in their direct environment, which is more or less comfortable, that says they need to be fighting to survive. Some just get it, though. Others are self-motivated at their core anyway. But others just don't see it. And still others actively work against feeling they need to fight or succumbing to it.</p>
<p>The other thing that could be going on is that you either fear really being put to the test and coming up short -- if you really want to go to, let's say Pomona, and push to do so but don't get in, it's easier to never actually risk wanting it and ending up disappointed. It's a way of protecting yourself. You mentioned Harvard. Maybe on some level you know you are not Harvard material, so on some level rationally you are checking yourself out of that disappointment.</p>
<p>Or you may be very sensibly reacting against on some level the fact that in our society college entrance frenzy is growing stronger every year pushed by the fact that education is the ticket increasingly to "higher echelon" jobs because there are more educated people to compete against. Everybody's going crazy and frankly they are overdoing it, particularly when it comes to trying to get into a place like Harvard. 'Cause the fact is, within a certain grade of smarts and achievement (well beyond the level of those who get into Harvard) what really determines a person's success over time is who they are much more than where they went to school. Looked at over the scope of life, the concern about whehter one gets into an Ivy League school is way, way overdone, particularly in places like CC. It's ultimately most important that you go to a school that can educate you in the broadest terms possible (i.e., not only academically, but socially too). Yes, you do live in the real world, and prestige can be a factor in detemining particular opportunities, but over time, this kind of thing blurs. Ask my Stanford grad friend who works a menial job (seriously). Ask Steve Jobs (a really extreme case, I agree) who had to drop out of college 'cause his parents couldn't afford it.</p>
<p>I suggest you reflect on the following:</p>
<p>1) Ask yourself if you will have to take care of your own survival after college. If your parents are really rich, this might not be necessary.
2) If the answer is that you don't have to take care of yourself, you don't really need to worry: go ahead and watch all the dramas you want to. Be aware that if you watch too much television you may risk becoming dull like Paris Hilton or someone else who doesn't have a mind. You sound pretty smart and switched on so I wouldn't worry about becoming Paris, but I would worry about becoming dull. That's just my opinion about TV and its overall effects if over-indulged.
3) If the answer is that you do have to take care of yourself after college, you need to really face that question squarely in your own mind. What you do now will determine whether, for instance, you are attractive as a potential employee for a law firm, a museum or school, a film company, or a call center (just to name some random examples). These are all places where you could work and survive. Don't worry: no matter what you do, given the general intelligence level I perceive, you can survive. You could probably always get a job at a call center. You are probably articulate and charming enough.
4) The reality for you, though, is that some point surviving will probably not be enough. You will want a job that challenges you, that is interesting, that fills you with pride, that connects you with people who are interesting.
5) The problem is that you need the pressure to survive to get you going, to motivate you. Some people just do. Coasting along the way you are doing, though, you can survive, so you in fact don't really need to be motivated to do more.
6) So if I were you, I would do a few things: a) I would start talking to anybody who will listen to your questions and ask them about what they do and how they like it and whether they would do the same thing if they could do it all over again. What would they do differently? b) I would try to figure out for yourself what it is in a general way or even in a more specific way what you want to be doing in 10 years. I know: what a tedious task. It sounds so career planningish or so what color is your parachute. Just remember, though, if you've read this far down the list you are really choosing how you will eat and just making sure that what you do to eat is also something that could potentially give you joy. c) I would get the best part-time job you can get. Bookstore. Grocery store. Whatever it is. See how you like working like that. Or work in a library or museum. Whatever interests you or if nothing interests you whatever pays best and is the best you can get. If you have time to watch a lot of TV, you have time to get a job. d) I would really try to discover your passions that aren't merely passive. Watching TV, as I said, is a quick way to being a very dull person. Maybe it's just your ambition to marry a nice boy. That would be okay, though a lot of people might criticize it. Nice boys, particularly better educated ones, tend to like charming, fun, resourceful, articulate girls, not people who spent all their time watching soap operas (often, not always, those categories tend to exclude one another). Maybe you can try your hand at performing yourself -- improvisation or something.
7) First: You need to recognize that you are fighting for your survival. Embrace that fight. Don't run from it. Stop listening to people who define the schooling process as an effort to get into Princeton. It's foremostly an effort to get you headed in a direction to where you can survive. Second: you need to recognize schooling and going to a reasonably good college, be it a university or art school or whatever, is a means to get you to where you can do something that you like or consider fun when you do it.</p>
<p>Merely surviving is okay. You are meant to thrive, to do what you really like. But you can't get to the second without going through the first unless you are independently wealthy. The happiest people do it all at once and seemingly never have second thoughts about their paths. You don't view it as all tied together, and so you are in no hurry. But you should be: life is long, too long to spend doing something you really hate. And it's too short; don't put off finding your passion.</p>