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I remember this very well. There was no school rule, but we didn’t let our daughter wear that stuff to school for exactly this reason.</p>
<p>I used to feel vaguely guilty about not having moved into the city so my oldest could attend one of the elite high schools, or for not having forked over the money for a private, but the more I read about cobrat’s experiences the happier I am that my kids attended a school where taunting and bullying were not the norm. Nor was working till 2 am on homework. They both seem to have been well prepared for college despite their high school experience. As for college t-shirts - we had no rules about them.</p>
<p>I don’t live in an area where Bar/Bat Mitzvahs are super-common, but I’m familiar with areas where they are, and I can see not allowing the “party favor” clothing to be worn at school. Let’s face it, there can be a rub-it-in-someone-else’s-face aspect to that.</p>
<p>But where does this end? As someone pointed out upthread, now should the school prohibit T-shirts from expensive vacation destinations? What about designer clothing and handbags? They can be in your face too. In elementary school, every year the students used to have to make “All about Me” posters and presentations. Required categories were family photos and favorite memories. The latter were always vacation photos. My kids told me they were the only ones in the whole school (!!!) who had never been to Disney World and they felt left out when the kids would start talking about the rides and Epcot, etc. I’m pleased to report their deep disappointment and sense of deprivation over this did not do any lasting damage to their psyches or self-esteem.</p>
<p>I think parents should teach their kids to have sensitivity about things like this. If they don’t, then the issue is what steps the school should take to teach it. I remember when my kids were in elementary school, the kids were allowed to wear their costumes on Halloween and have a little parade. The poor kids had no costumes. The teachers kept a few funny hats and things like that for them to wear, but the disparity was pretty obvious. Should the school have discontinued this parade? I’m not sure. We tried to use it as a teachable moment for our kids.</p>
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<p>That was my thought. Why allow college sweatshirts at all…it would those kids who aren’t going to college feel bad.</p>
<p>And what about expensive, school-sponsored activities like ski club or spring break trips to Spain? My children could never do those either. They didn’t feel so bad about the trips to Europe because a lot of other kids didn’t go either, but they really would have liked to do ski club. Their friends and a hundred + students participated. We couldn’t afford it. It was in their face, too, because the club members left early from school to go and were given special consideration about completing homework on those nights–something not offered to my child for his time-demanding EC.</p>
<p>I wont criticize the schools decision to ban college logo wear until May 1st because maybe the culture of that high school demanded that action. Im just glad my kids dont attend such a school. I have to wonder if it really matters though. Are kids feeling bad because someone got into Harvard and they didnt, or because someone is wearing a shirt that says Harvard? At our local mid-size high school, everyone knows who applied where, who got in where and who is going where so shirts arent even necessary, the information is out. Our school quit naming a valedictorian, but they still rank. This year there is one student with the rank of number one and everyone knows who it is the school announcement wasnt necessary. Maybe the school that banned college spirit wear should consider talking to the students in early fall and encouraging them to not announce that they are applying to HYP if they dont want their classmates to know of the possible rejection in the spring. At my kids high school, wearing college logo wear seems to be a way the students start their transition from high school to life beyond; they give up wearing their high school logo and start trying out their new life. Its a sign of spring and being a senior. Its something the under classmen look forward to doing themselves. I think it would be sad to see a ban on wearing college shirts I am more sympathetic to banning party wear in middle school, but those who arent invited will feel bad with or without the favors being in their face on Monday morning.</p>
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But imagine if he or she started wearing a t-shirt that said, “I’m Number One!” Doesn’t that create a slightly different issue?</p>
<p>You’re right. That would be one obnoxious kid, but I have no doubt her peers would make it known the #1 shirt was a bad idea - I don’t think our principal would ban wearing a shirt with class rank. Bad example on my part. I was just pointing out that high schools are communities that have few secrets. Even if there is a school ban on college shirts, everyone is likely to already know who got into the highly selective colleges and who didn’t. I understand feeling bad for yourself but that doesn’t mean you can’t feel happy for someone else. Again, at our local school it’s part of a tradition to shift from high school team and spirit wear to college stuff. It’s part of a long good bye and lucky for the students, it’s not an in your face bragging about where you got accepted. Even the future Ivy league students get to wear their college shirts.</p>
<p>Well, Hunt, then she’d feel the strong disapproval of her classmates and would learn that bragging is rude and alienating. But I doubt the kids who didn’t make Val are going to feel any worse just because of the shirt. In fact, I think seeing this behavior would be psychologically helpful to them. Then they could comfort themselves by asserting that she really isn’t superior to them because she’s an obnoxious braggart. After all, that’s what kids do–look for ways to diminish the successful kids so they feel better about themselves. She’d be handing them an opportunity to do just that, and on a silver-platter. But if she were sweet and modest and had no obvious faults like arrogance, they’d have a tougher time reconciling the fact that she beat them out.</p>
<p>Put them all in uniforms, plaid skirts or blue sweats for the girls, blue or tan pants with a white or blue polo for the boys (okay, I guess the guys can wear the skirts and the girls the blue or tan pans so as not to incite a lawsuit). No labels on anything. Out of uniform code…say hello to the Dean of Students and pick up trash after school. Problem solved…</p>
<p>Oh but wait, now someone drives to school in their brand new shiny car… but not everyone got one for THEIR 16th birthday…so let’s include an ‘only autos without labels or status, over 5 years old with a minimum 75K miles and a minimum dent requirement of oh…let’s say 4’ rule.</p>
<p>Dang, now those kids have gone off and started wearing jewelry. Some have very cheap ‘Claire’s from the mall’ stuff and others …well…SOMEONE broke rank and shopped Tiffany’s. okay…so now we need a jewelry rule.</p>
<p>All electronic equipment will be specified by the school so that no one becomes hurt or upset at the fact that THEY have the highest fanciest model of and iPad when I only have a two year old version.</p>
<p>This could have a job creation effect…a whole new district wide administration whose one and only job is to ensure there are no hurt feelings. Silliness and PC has no bounds.</p>
<p>In the future, these young people will bring a list of all requirements for a total alleviation of hurt feelings to their future employers who will then be required to sign an agreement to make sure all feeling are considered all the time.</p>
<p>With proper rules and oversight we could ensure an entire generation reaches Medicare age without ever having to experience the horror of hurt feelings.</p>
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My evaluation of teen psychology is to the contrary. YMMV, of course.</p>
<p>Well said Dietz199. When i was a kid in high school, my father had suddenly lost his job. My spanish class was going into NYC to see the play Evita. There was no way i could go. We seriously didn’t have the extra $30. I remember sitting in that empty classroom during that period and doing extra work that the teacher had left for me to do. </p>
<p>It bothered me because i would have loved to have gone and now while everyone else was having fun, i even had extra work to do. But thats life. I can’t say I lost sleep on it and I can’t say that I was ridiculed about it. It’s life. You can’t always have everything you want. If anything, it made me work harder in the years to come to do better. </p>
<p>That wasn’t going to be my only disappointing moment in life. I had to work after school too to help support myself. Couldn’t do any sports or EC’s. I loved chorus. That was in the mornings, but couldn’t do that either because I had to get my little sister on the bus, since Mom was working two jobs and dad out doing odd jobs early too. I don’t remember other kids having to do those things, but it wasn’t important. Its what we had to do to get by as a family. And once again, it made me work harder to be successful later on. </p>
<p>I think the biggest problem now a days is not the inequities that children have to face but the fact that parents aren’t around as much to help them get through it. Parents need to parent. They need to communicate clearly that life isn’t perfect and everyone isnt equal. They need to give kids the mechanisms necessary to cope with these difficulties. My household was filled with lots of love and support. So when my dad lost his job we banded together. It was a given to help eachother out. There was no shame. We all understood that life was going to be tougher. But we also knew that “home” was a good, warm, supportive and loving place to be. Friends can come and go but family is family and blood is thick. </p>
<p>I think parents need to be there for their kids more. Help them cope with the bad times instead of making adjustments in society so their child can be comfortable.</p>
<p>The guy who was #1 in my class wore a #1 dangling from a chain around his neck. I thought he was a dork and kind of a jerk, but still a nice enough guy. He may have grown out of his arrogance. Maybe not! No biggie, either way.</p>
<p>I agree with the discontent here. I came from a disadvantaged background (including low income, meaning no ski trips) and never thought it would be possible for me to attend an Ivy League school, but I put in the effort to do well and get accepted and am proud of what I’ve accomplished. I didn’t brag about getting accepted and, in fact, only told my best friends and teachers (word of mouth spreads these things enough on its own). While I didn’t have my own sweatshirt (they’re expensive! haha), I can empathize with a student wanting to embrace their achievements.</p>
<p>Dungareedoll–your story reminded me of when I had to miss my AP European History trip to the art museum. My mom did not have an extra $20 that month. My teacher felt bad I couldn’t go and offered to pay out of her own pocket, but my mom in her pride said I could not accept the money.</p>
<p>TheGFG- My teacher was an idiot and actually thought I was not going because I was being contrary. Not sure why she felt that way, could have been my own defense mechanism. Maybe I made it look that way, rather than tell her my family couldn’t afford it. But even if she had offered, my Mom would have rathered cut off her right arm then accept the money too. Yup, we were guilty of that same pride too. Once again, not a bad thing. Just makes you work harder.</p>
<p>Well, my teacher at first offered to lend me the money. People who haven’t experienced what we have, tend to understand the state of not having the money for something as merely a temporary condition–as if all we have to do is run to the bank later when we have time for errands, withdraw the cash, and then simply pay them back. I had to tell people I don’t have the money now, won’t have it next week, and won’t have it the week after that either.</p>
<p>Hunt: the sizing up of the competition and then tearing it down seems to happen less, and certainly less vindictively with boys, if that’s more your experience. Boys more often accord respect to someone who beats them, and simply try to win the next time. Too often girls look to find an excuse for themselves, or seek to expose a real or trumped up weakness in the competitor to detract from their accomplishment. “Well maybe she won, but that’s just because _________.” Or “She won, but who cares because she’s such a *****!”</p>
<p>Just my experience with 3 kids and lots of sports and school activities.</p>