<p>You have the right to do whatever you like with your money. I think you are incredibly selfish to not give a penny towards your only child’s college education so that you can
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<p>But why would you care what I think?</p>
<p>You are being extremely unfair. Your assets prevent her from getting need-based aid, and yet you won’t contribute at all. While you are by no means responsible for all of the cost, paying none in your situation is absurd. Frankly, it sounds like you want to retire early and have fun at the great personal expense of your daughter.</p>
<p>Yes, I think it would be unfair of you not to contribute at all. I’m not saying you need to send her to a $20,000 a year college to be a good parent, but come on.</p>
<p>This is a ■■■■■, don’t feed it.</p>
<p>SlitheyTove – everything I posted was true. </p>
<p>DD has been thinking she wants to go to medical or dental school. I have told her that I would contribute to that. </p>
<p>You guys are really laying into me. I just feel that given how blessed she is (high IQ, national-level athletic ability, state-level music ability), that I should be able to reward myself for all the sacrifices I’ve made and will continue to make for her to pursue her interests throughout high school. I know she didn’t ask to be born, and I made the decision as a teenager to bring her into the world, but I’ve been extremely responsible and have given up everything to provide her with the best. Just on her extra-curriculars alone, I estimate that by the time high school is over, I would have spent close to $150k easily. Why am I selfish for requiring her to earn her way through college through working at her extra-curriculars, keeping up her grades, and getting a good SAT (as I said, I know for a fact she will score well; she took it last year, skipped tons of questions, no algebra background, and scored high)? I was not as fortunate as her. I grew up poor, have known hunger and homelessness, and yet worked hard to earn lots of merit scholarships (though I turned them down for the “prestige”). I accomplished what I did with no family support and no financial resources. She has had both in spades. I didn’t love the college that I went to, but I persevered and made the most of my opportunities. This idea that the college has to be perfect for each student for them to succeed reeks of entitlement to me.</p>
<p>Edit to add…if this IS true, I go back to my original statement. The OP has an all or nothing approach to college. I seriously doubt that this 13 year old really understands this.</p>
<p>OP…if you really ARE this successful, why wouldn’t you want to help your child with college costs? </p>
<p>The OP says she has two degrees. Presumably she went to college in 4 years and grad school in 2. This means she entered the workforce about 8 years ago. And
she wants to stop working when? Before this daughter starts college? </p>
<p>Sorry…story is not believable…not at all.</p>
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<p>Oh that is DEFINITELY not true.
But I agree that it’s a ■■■■■.</p>
<p>My only comment to add is that you seem to very savings and goal oriented, why did it never occur to you when you started your 401k for yourself to start a college fund for your child?</p>
<p>This story is hard to believe. Let’s assume she did have a baby at 18 or 19 years of age. She claims she paid her way through college. This would have been extremely difficult paying for daycare too. </p>
<p>It would have been too difficult to pay for college for 2 degrees, living expenses and daycare.</p>
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<p>Res ipso loquitor. :)</p>
<p>What if she doesn’t get a scholarship, she won’t get financial aid because of your income. Then college will be 100% self pay, would you not help her then? Would you at least consign on student loans?</p>
<p>Your DD would not have trouble getting loans for medical or dental school. The system is set up for that and most med/dental students do borrow and pay most if not all of their way through professional school. That is not the case for undergraduate colleges and universities. By refusing to pay, but having the resources, your D will not eligible for financial aid other than $5500 in Stafford loans. That’s it. Even if she were accepted to Harvard or any of the ivies, they would not give her the financial aid to attend. The system is set up so that until she is age 24, has a dependent, is married, a veteran, has been court ordered out of your care for cause before 18, or homeless thereafter, she is not considered independent for financial aid. Ironically, you are putting her at a disadvantage even beyond what your family did by having means but refusing to pay, whereas your parents had no money, so you were eligible for aid. That niche of having parents of means who refuse to pay or can’t pay, is hamstrung from the financial aid system. </p>
<p>However, as I said earlier, there are the lists and resources for full freight awards and she does not have to go to college directly either.</p>
<p>I don’t plan to retire early and have fun. Besides some travel for a couple of years, my plan is to work with underprivileged families. I will make very little. But for having wanted to provide an upper middle class lifestyle for my DD, that is what I would have done right after school. Money means very little to me. But I need it to accomplish my life’s goals. I need a healthy savings account to accomplish these goals and live decently. In my mind, my life would have been for nothing if all I do is what I have been doing career-wise for the rest of my life. That is just me.</p>
<p>Agree - ■■■■■.</p>
<p>She grew up poor, knowing hunger and homelessness, went to an ivy league school while having a baby at 19, earned multiple degrees with no parental support…and the whole timeline thing?</p>
<p>OP, sorry if I missed this in the thread, but who paid for your degrees?</p>
<p>But a higher caliber of ■■■■■ than usual in this, the traditional period of CC posting high-jinks when college acceptances are in hand and high school seniors can blow off steam. Writes well–no spelling or grammar errors (at least not glaring ones). Has clearly lurked around CC long enough to know what’s going to push people’s buttons. Isn’t being insulting or angry, at least not yet. </p>
<p>OP, best of luck in your future endeavors! :)</p>
<p>Financial aid paid for my education, but only because I turned down the merit aid offers, including several full rides as everyone told me that the name of the school was everything. I had a small amount of loans, which I quickly paid off. Most of the financial aid was in the form of grants. I received enough of both to cover cheap day care. Where there is a will, there is a way. </p>
<p>Everyone’s financial and age calculations are off. But the true numbers aren’t important.</p>
<p>My husband’s cousin was always loud and clear that his kids would have to find their own ways to get through college and he was not going to pay as he hardly had enough to make ends meet. Sort of true, though FAFSA calculators would likely have disagreed. But he wanted a certain standard of living and it meant spending every cent and more of what he and his wife made. And there were and are plenty of family members who did it all on their own and seemed to him to be the most successful. </p>
<p>His kids did well until high school, and then due to lack of direction, the wrong crowd, and who knows what other reasons, ended up not even finishing high school The DD is a teen mom now with a SO who has a part time min wage job and is not at all interested in being a father or becoming responsible. The DS is in the job corp and got his GED, and hopefull finds some kind of work. Neither have any interest in academics so going to college is a moot point with them. The problem is finding some kind of work and it seems like that job market has dried up, and now there is the complication of a baby. </p>
<p>Our cousin is now paying in a lot of ways for his DD, DS and now Grandchild’s support with no upside here, as he can’t bear to throw them all out, as they really can’t function on their own. Already some disasters that way. Breaks my heart as I still think of them as the bright eyed cousins of my kids those earlier years. Clearly they went a whole other path. </p>
<p>I do believe that when kids are not directed any way and feel things are just hopeless, is a lot easier to go to chaos. Not just my opinon either. Adversity tends to lead to breakdowns, despite what we all like to say about how character building it is. A gauntlet eliminates those who are the weaker ones, that just might have done better not having to under go such adversity. </p>
<p>JMO with some fact thrown in there.</p>
<p>Where there is a will there is a way. 100%. But why would you spend 150K on after school activities for your D and then decide she can head off to no-name U if she can’t swing a full ride to a college that might be a better fit for her- or be within a days drive of you? What if the only affordable option is community college?</p>
<p>Nothing wrong with community college- but paying that much for karate or ballet lessons and then deciding that college needs to cost you zero strikes me as off-kilter some how.</p>
<p>■■■■■ or no ■■■■■ - too many parents believe things haven’t changed since “their” day.</p>
<p>I don’t think it is possible for many good students to pay their own way today. </p>
<p>In the 1980s it was easy to be declared independent and financial separate the student from the parents. Not so today.</p>
<p>I have been watching this board since my son was in jr. high. The full rides have decreased. Heck, my son had one school make the change during the admission cycle this year. I would not bet that schools would have them available in another 4 years.</p>
<p>Our community college has gone up over 220% in the last 15 years. Price out your CC, including fees which are required and not counted in the tuition credit hour, add books and transportation. Now compare it to the Federal Student loan limit. </p>
<p>Look at the summer jobs in your area. In our area, few places want the high school students.</p>
<p>Reality is, my son could do it on his own if he worked for a few years and we let him live at home rent free. We are very fortunate he found schools with generous merit. Even with the merit, he could not make up the cost difference on his own.</p>
<p>I think some parents are entitled. It leaves the kid, especially kids of single family parents, out in the cold. The system is imperfect.</p>
<p>EDIT TO ADD: Parental incomes are factored into college loans until age 24. All parents need to be aware of this.</p>