Dorm roommate won't split costs

Student Lounge College Life
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<p>I'm going to be a freshman at a small liberal-arts school this coming fall. I was assigned a dorm roommate (you're not allowed to choose your roommate, or for that matter even switch roommates if you clash) a few days ago and I've been trying to discuss with her who brings what to our room, and how we might want to lay it out (bunk our beds, etc.).</p>

<p>I suggested to her that she bring either a mirror or microwave, an area rug or multi-head floor lamp, or a TV or minifridge, and let me get the other three things in the pairs so our 'big items' would be taken care of, and we wouldn't have to deal with splitting things up at the end of the year-- each of us would just take home what we brought. However, she informed me that she would be bringing her own personal TV, which she informed me she would be placing on our supposed-to-be-shared dresser at the end of her own bed, which she refuses to bunk, and that if I wanted a TV I could bring my own. She also declared that she doesn't want to bring anything else big, because it's a hassle. She lives thirty minutes away from the college; I'm 2100 miles away from the college. Clearly bringing things will be harder for me.</p>

<p>How do I convince her to bring some of this items? Or, if it's not worth it to get her to bring things, how should I tell her as calmly as possible that if she won't share costs or share items, then I will bring my own fridge, own mirror, own TV, etc., and will not share with her either if that's what it comes down to?</p>

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<p>Did you mention this to her? That’s pretty persuasive.</p>

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<p>Definitely try to convince her. I don’t have any good ideas though, maybe others do. </p>

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<p>You can do this, but turning this into a petty thing (even though she did start it) won’t help you out at all for next year. I say just don’t hang out in your room that much–then you don’t need to bring that much stuff.</p>

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<p>I don’t think you need to convince her. Just bring your own stuff and don’t share. Honestly if I didn’t want to buy a fridge I wouldn’t just because my roommate is telling me to. If you want a mirror, buy your own mirror. I think the way she told you makes her sound like a jerk but you can’t force her to buy things.</p>

<p>She might have other circumstances that prevent her from buying all that stuff. Maybe her parents won’t pay for it - a fridge and microwave can be expensive if you have limited funds. Or even though she lives close she has to move things on her own etc etc.</p>

<p>Just tell her since she is basically saying her TV is off limits, that all of your items are off limits as well. It’s only fair.</p>

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<p>This really isn’t a good way to start off a relationship with someone you’ll be living with for 8 months.</p>

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<p>It’s not that I’m trying to force her to buy things-- she told me she’d like to have those things, and they’re things I also would like for the room. The issue is that she won’t pay, help pay, or even help move things in if I did pay. Whatever extenuating circumstances there are are ones she’s going to have to deal with now, because later on we’re going to be splitting phone bills, etc., and I want to establish that I will not be covering her costs for her, ever.</p>

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<p>I think you should back off a little and not worry about this. She wants her own TV so either bring yours to put on your side of the room or do without. Make sure you bring a long cable wire and a splitter so the 2 TV’s can share the one cable outlet. </p>

<p>I don’t blame her for not wanting to bunk the beds because they can be a big pain. Some people like them but a lot of people hate them. Especially the person who gets stuck with the top bunk. They’re a pain to make, a pain to climb up to, and literally a pain in the head because sometimes, the top bunk is so high that the person up there can’t even sit up comfortably without cracking their head on the ceiling. </p>

<p>Lofting the bed is a better option. Many dorms have beds where you can move the height of the mattress up and thus have more storage underneath.</p>

<p>Rooms usually have a mirror in them. You can always bring a small makeup mirror if you feel the need. </p>

<p>You won’t have to split phone bills. Each person pays their own cell phone bill. You don’t need to activate a landline. If you plan on living in a dorm, there aren’t any shared expenses. You pay for your stuff, she pays for her stuff. </p>

<p>Usually rooms have a small dresser for each occupant as well as a desk/chair/closet or wardrobe for each person. Don’t bother bringing a rug. If you find that you want one, buy a small area rug and put it by your bed when you get there. </p>

<p>Rooms usually have a light. Just bring a small desk lamp for your desk.</p>

<p>Don’t overpack. Rooms are small and space is limited. If you don’t bring a microwave, you can use the one in the community dorm kitchen or ask to use a neighbor’s. If you feel the need to bring one, than bring one and put it on top of your mini fridge. </p>

<p>You really don’t need to bring a lot of stuff. Freshmen seem to always overpack. Besides your clothes, nice bedding, a spare pillow, towels, a laundry bag, laptop, printer, ethernet cable, ipod, battery alarm clock, cell phone, backpack/messenger bag, a first aid/medicine kit, a desk lamp, and a few pictures or posters, you really don’t need to bring much more. Whatever else you decide to bring is yours and you get to make the rules on who gets to use the stuff. If she doesn’t want to bring any of the extras, then that is her choice.</p>

<p>Maybe she plans on going home every weekend.</p>

<p>Remember that the room is 50/50. You can fill up your side with anything you want. I suggest packing light and buy some of this stuff when you get there. </p>

<p>It’s not worth making a big issue about this. Maybe she felt that you came on a little strong–it does kind of sound as if you had the whole setup of the room figured out without any input from her. Maybe she’s not ready to think about college yet. Give her a little time to digest the idea. Keep your communications light.</p>

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<p>I imagine the OP is apprehensive about the unknowns of living 2000+ miles from home and she seems to have stronger needs for establishing ownership, room arrangement, etc. than either of my kids would be comfortable with. The apprehension is understandable, but frankly, the roomie is probably apprehensive about the possibility that her new roomie is a control freak. </p>

<p>Mirror, multi-head floor lamp and microwave are things DD did not have or need. She had a tv tuner on her computer that she never used. Her suite of 10 girls shared a fridge. There will be a mirror in the bathroom; if you need a personal mirror beyond what’s in your compact, bring one. There will be a light in your room; if you anticipate that you’ll need more light (despite not having seen the one you will have), bring one. Arrange the room when you get there and see what you’ve got to arrange. </p>

<p>Really, you are creating conflict where it needn’t exist. Take a deep breath, back off and preserve your relationship with the person you will be sharing a small space with for the next school year.</p>

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<p>She sounds like somebody who may be difficult to get along with already; it might actually prove to be easier in the long run for you to just bring your own belongings, especially in the event you two get into some little tiff and then she decides that the fridge or tv she brought is now hers and hers only.</p>

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<p>Oh God. </p>

<p>Don’t **** her off whatever you do. Otherwise she may take your toothbrush and wipe the toilet seat with it when you’re not looking.</p>

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<p>I dont understand, where is the cost?? If she doesnt want to share her personal items, key word : HER (whatever). The best policy is really to draw a line down the middle of the room. Maybe line it with mouse traps.</p>

<p>I thought it would be more serious. I though she wouldnt pay the boarding fee for the room lol.</p>

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<p>I don’t believe the control freak accusation is necessary. I already established that my roommate told me: she wants the aforementioned items in the room, but she doesn’t want to pay or bring them herself. That’s the issue. All I’m asking for is advice on how to remedy that issue.</p>

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<p>I’m referring to the costs of the items for the room. Other costs I foresee having trouble with though are cable/landline bills. If it’s exclusively ‘her’ TV, and our single cable outlet is going to ‘her’ TV, then she’ll be paying for that.</p>

<p>But what about the landline? The roommate doesn’t have a cell phone, but does have a boyfriend who I anticipate she’ll be calling a lot from the dorm room phone. However, the school’s phone provider doesn’t provide a detailed list of calls so we can break cost down by who makes what calls. Does anyone have suggestions about potential phone bills and how we might share them fairly?</p>

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<p>At my old college, each student had their own pin that they dialed into the phone, so that roommates would only be billed for their calls.</p>

<p>But we always got about 500 free minutes a month, or something like that, I don’t remember the specifics.</p>

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<p>Use your cell phone and make it known that you are not going to pay for any landline costs.
You do not need to activate a landline, thus, no need for you to pay towards the phone.</p>

<p>Establish boyfriend rules right away. For instance: # of sleepovers you’re willing to put up with, how often he’s going to be in the room, long late night phone calls in the room, etc.</p>

<p>Cable is usually free and built into the housing fee. Don’t pay for additional cable. Make due with what the college offers for free.</p>

<p>The single cable outlet is easy to deal with. You bring a cable and a splitter. Problem fixed.</p>

<p>If she wants the stuff in the room but doesn’t want to contribute towards bringing any of the stuff, then let her know that she will not be using any of the stuff you bring. It’s your stuff and you set the rules with your stuff.</p>

<p>Put your stuff on your side of the room. Decorate your side of the room. Leave it at that.</p>

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<p>personally, i would bring what i needed and let the roommate use it. if your roommates a selfish twat, then she’s a selfish twat–thats WAY worse for her than it is for you. Think of sharing stuff with her as both a sign of charity and good will. maybe she doesn’t have any sense of equity from a lack of experience. sharing with her might be a great opportunity for her to experience what sharing is like, and maybe it will open her up a bit.</p>

<p>being bitter about this is petty and not worth the trouble. as long as her using your stuff doesn’t prevent you from using it, theres hardly a difference between her using it or not.</p>

<p>as a side note, you generally dont watch enough tv in college to warrant owning one if theres a tv in the lobby/floor common area. do NOT stress about the tv issue.</p>

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<p>My intent was not to accuse you of being a control freak but to point out that you might be perceived as such by your new roommate based on what you said in your first post. I am sorry you felt accused. Your second post (#5) was posted while I was typing my response to your first post. Sorry.</p>

<p>Good luck with your new roommate.</p>

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<p>I’ll put this as diplomatically as possible. Have you even met this person? I would be so put off if someone I hadn’t even met was bossing me around. You can get mad at me if you want for saying that, but it is how you are coming across to me. Reread what nysmile said and what schmoomcgoo said. You’re getting really worked up about little things and the real issue will be if you get along with this other person.</p>

<p>It’s tough to have a roommate, especially where you share a bedroom. There’s an old saying that if you want to lose a friend be their roommate. There’s a lot of truth to it and it usually isn’t anyone’s fault, just two people being incompatable.</p>

<p>In my freshman dorm we had some roommates who ended up being best friends and roommates where it didn’t work and everything else in between. The college can’t stop you from switching roommates, by that I mean some switch that everyone agrees on. At my college one of the girls on my floor just couldn’t take her roommate anymore and she arranged a switch with the girl across the hall who would get along with her better. No one told the roommate, they just made the move one evening when she was gone and she came back to a new living arrangement. It’s a funny story now, but they should have told her ahead of time. Everyone involved was perfectly nice, some of the players just didn’t mesh well. The new arrangement worked out much better for everyone.</p>

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<p>I think you might have messed things up by ‘telling her to bring stuff’. Wait until you get there. Then have this conversation in person. ASK if they want to go to Target or Goodwill and buy a micro/fridge together. If the answer is no, then decide if it’s worth it to get them on your own and let her know that they’re for your stuff, since he/she didn’t want one. Don’t make this bigger than it needs to be.</p>

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<p>^exactly </p>

<p>10 char</p>

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<p>Don’t bring the items and don’t worry about it. After you get to know one another you can reassess the situation. Those items aren’t necessary and you will likely decide you don’t need them.</p>

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<p>Don’t use it. Bring a cell phone and don’t worry about it.</p>

<p>Your email exchanges with her aren’t productive, so just ignore the situation until you get to campus and meet your roommate.</p>