H and I and D agree that mom would go downhill rapidly if she wasn’t seeing a loved one for long periods of time every day. We are all fortunate we’ve been able to work things out as we have—so far.
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@himom, it was very difficult for my mother living in independent living during the Covid lockdowns. Before and after the lockdown period, she saw and is seeing my sister and brother several times a week. But that period was very difficult.
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Same with my MIL; they’re back in lock down mode in PA,so she getting really depressed again. I try to call every day, but it’s not the same as seeing people in person.
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My mom has NEVER been alone in her life—not growing up, in college, since she got married, never. She would not know to eat or bathe or sleep if she doesn’t get prompted at this point. She’s very sweet but definitely needs prompting and someone to at least be in the room or dwelling with her.
Her unit in independent living is a 2 bedroom — she’d need someone to come and remind her what to do at different times of the day. She needs supervision while showering as well, for safety’s sake.
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Our kids live 2500 miles apart…so living near both is not possible. The one who lives farthest away likely will stay put. The one closer very likely will need to relocate for a job.
So…it’s not likely we will be trying to love hear either.
We actually like our too big house and are now doing some things to it that we will enjoy…kitchen cabinet painting, possibly solar panels, new carpet or possible hardwood where the carpet is, updated bathrooms. We did interior and exterior painting and landscaping. Got new appliances. Love our neighborhood and the location…but we can both still drive.
Maybe the real estate market will settle down also…as right now, if we sold, we wouldn’t be able to rent or buy something that we really liked.
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We looked (online) at buying a condo here on St Thomas just so we’d have it for comparison (to other islands) later. There’s absolutely nothing for sale now that we’d want. Plenty listed are already sale pending even though they aren’t what would interest us.
The real estate market still seems quite tight. I’m glad we’re planning on buying in a couple of years and not desperate to get something now. I’d figure other islands are similar.
We may just rent to be able to wander, but then I need to figure out where we want our investment money to go.
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Creekland - I am kind of liking the ‘wander for a few years’ option too (we’ve not traveled much so may take a while to find good, new primary/secondary location(s)).
I’m also trying to figure out some kind of investment plan that would make it financially feasible - i.e., sell current house, put money in combo of safe location (high yield savings) and some investments - the profits of which would (ideally!) help fund rent/travel. Just exploring this and really hoping it can be an option!
As I think through downsizing, feeling it might be a lot to ask my hub to pick up and move 1,500 miles away to where kids are without some significant time spent trying that out and exploring other places…
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If anyone knows if this exists, feel free to share! All savings accounts of any sort that I’ve found don’t even beat inflation. We’ve stuck with real estate (our best) and stock (iffy) and only have a little in savings to use as an emergency fund - and keep for our travels (sometimes).
Definitely travel before buying if at all possible. We like staying places for a month to get a better understanding of a place. When we moved when we were younger we’d rent for a year (or more) first to better understand a place. Commutes, noise, shopping, dining, neighborhoods, etc, all take some time (for us) to truly get a feel for. Just seeing something online doesn’t cut it for our preferences and real estate agents aren’t terribly good at pointing out cons. I think our real estate investments have worked out as well for us as they have because we took the time to know what we were buying.
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Creekland - I’ll let you know what I find out! The thread on “How much do you need to retire…” has many folks on there w/tons of financial/investment expertise. I’m a still in the learning stage!
For our situation - the wandering approach (with month-long rentals) would require me to have a portable job. So that’s a thing… 
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You can take shorter trips at first. It’s sort of like visiting colleges. Look online, then take a short trip to any making the first cut. Once you have a list of those that made the second cut, do longer trips - or trips in different seasons if thinking year-round.
There have been plenty of places cut from our list (that might be fine for others). This is true of where we picked to live anytime we’ve changed locations.
We are fortunate that H can work semi-remotely until retiring. It definitely helps that he owns the company!
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That’s a good plan, Creekland! We can definitely swing some 4-5 day trips (maybe with one vacation day and one work-remotely day on either side of the weekend). That can give us our first assessment - maybe we’ll rule a few places out. We may end up going a few times to places with different areas (e.g., FL).
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Once we started narrowing down potential relocation spots, we rented VRBO in San Diego in two locations for a month each - in the winter. We were in contact with a Realtor and took a detailed look at the housing market in a variety of neighborhoods, along with shopping, traffic, recreation, etc. We went to Open Houses wherever possible.
Earlier less serious investigations in several locations also involved Realtors - they seemed happy enough to give us a good overview without expecting us to buy. From the start they knew it was preliminary. Our Realtor here waited five years to sell us our house!
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Generally the real estate market is tight for, they say, two reasons: 1) housing construction has lagged behind demographics; and 2) people now see that they can live/work at least part of the year in nice places rather than where their employer is. On the first point, the cause of the incredibly high prices of RE in the Bay Area is entirely political. Each town blocks the construction of significant amounts of housing as residents “don’t want to change the character of the area” or have congestion and so very little can be built. If there were a master plan for the area, one could be substantial amounts of housing. In Calgary, they have built light rail to outlying areas and at each stop, developers build higher density housing and shops to serve it. I’m sure the residents of the outlying areas would object, but if I’m not mistaken, cities in Canada can annex the territory around them and then the planning board gets to make the decisions.
@Creekland in my own little New England town, the state passed laws trying to get towns to build lower cost housing and our town has laid out a plan to build some higher density housing in walking distance of the train station. What’s there is a supermarket and a drug store (that probably could stay there and a few marginal stores and many more parking spots than are used by the stores. And there are open fields behind the supermarket. Perfect place for housing. But, the housing will probably get blocked.
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Interesting, thanks, Marilyn. So maybe even if we are quite aways away from actually purchasing a place (I’d need to get a different job!) - perhaps it’s not unreasonable to have conversations with realtors. Something to keep in mind!
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Good realtors are very patient. They know that people who are not ready to buy yet will likely come back to them when they are ready.
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We had a Realtor show us a property where my kids live in case we decided to move there once grandkids are in the picture. We were really up front with him that we are at the kicking-tires stage. He was fine with that, looking at the long picture, I guess.
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Agree that good realtors are patient and play the long game. My H’s cousin was president of Board of Realtors and has met with us several times (at our request), done and evaluation of rental properties, made recommendations and waited. She NEVER pushes but knows we will call her when we are ready.
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In our situation, we were particularly interested in learning about the Jewish community in each area. So I hunted down Realtors via ads in online local Jewish publications and such. In one city, I asked for a recommendation from the new membership director at a JCC. When we stopped by to thank her (we always checked out the JCC’s), we discovered she grew up half a mile from my husband on the opposite coast. Small world.
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This is all really good advice! I wouldn’t have thought about preliminary real estate agent conversations… will definitely keep in mind - no matter what direction we go!
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I just spoke with a friend about this topic. She said after watching her dad go crazy in a condo she is staying in a single family home. Her dad was big at tinkering. He would come to my friend and spend the week fixing things. He missed having a sense of purpose in retirement.
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