Drifting apart from friends..?

Pre-College Issues High School Life
1

<p>I have really strict immigrant parents. Like really strict. They let me go to the mall or the movies with my friends every once in a while but if I start to hang out too much then they disapprove. They also don't let me stay out after sunset. As a "tween" this would bother me and I would argue all the time, but nowadays I'm different. I don't really like to hang out that much, and staying out late isn't really something that I'd want to make a habit of.</p>

<p>Lately my friends have been asking me to hang out like every weekend. I'm usually busy on weekends so I tell them no, but sometimes I make excuses because I really don't want to hang out. I would like to just keep telling them "I don't want to hang out" instead of making excuses, but since we've been best friends for 3 years, they act like it's an obligation, not if I want to.</p>

<p>Now I wouldn't mind if it was only every couple of weekends, even if I didn't really want to go out myself, just to keep us together since we don't have many classes together anymore. But when we do plan to hang out, they want to stay out SO late. If I say I need to be home by like 5 or 6 thinking it's a reasonable time, they argue back and whine saying they wanted to stay out until 10 or 11 pm. We're 15 for God sake. Not only do I know we're going to have NOTHING to do during those extra 4/5 hours, I know my parents won't allow it.They KNOW my parents will never let me stay out that late and start to deviate plans to get my mom to let me stay out late. When I tell them that I don't want to lie to my parents or talk back to them out of respect, they tell me I need to "grow a backbone and stop letting my parents rule my life for me". I wish I could just tell them that it feels like THEY are the ones pushing me around to hang out and lie. <strong>I'm from a different background from them, so they find it weird that my parents want me home early</strong></p>

<p>On top of that we're very different characters...I like to learn (love science, technology), while one of my friends isn't that great at school, and the other just gets good grades but isn't really...I have no idea. They don't really have "passions" like I do, and honestly I don't really expect them to at a time when everyone is just figuring this stuff out.This never used to bother me, I liked the idea that I was in a circle that was diverse. But now if I want to go to the library at lunch or something they get mad saying they don't want to go. When I tell them you don't have to, they whine and say we have to go together. When I want to join clubs (science olympics for example) they only join with me because I'm there (normally I wouldn't mind) but then whine because they don't want to commit/go to meetings and are only staying because of me. Honestly this ****es the hell out of me because they act like we have to do EVERY SINGLE THING together, like we're joined at the hip. </p>

<p>Not only that but my dream school is abroad and is VERY selective (MIT). Because of that I want to devote more time to studying and pursuing my own interests, but every time I start to do something that isn't required (school wise) of me EVEN if it is to better myself, they act like it's a crime. =.=</p>

<p>Lately I think I need to be doing some friendship reform or something, but we live really close together so it would be hard to just stop talking all the time. So..has anyone had the same problems before or know how I should confront this situation..?</p>

2

<p>Having to be home by 5 or 6 is absurd, just saying.</p>

3

<p>Oh…and they are planning a sleepover for a birthday party. They expect me to come because we’re best friends, but I know that my parents won’t allow me. I would just make another excuse to get out of it, but now they are counting the number of times I bail… =.= I think it’s at 3 or 4 by now…</p>

4

<p>10 or 11 was normal hangout-ending time for me at 15. I had sleepovers with friends all the time. It was sorta assumed that everyone in the friend group would come unless they had a good reason not to. Strict parents counts as a good reason, but I would still ask them every time, especially because 5-6 is ridiculously early. You can’t even have a pizza party or anythin.</p>

5

<p>Well for me and my parents, that’s what we agreed on and I’m comfortable with it and they are too…they usually won’t mind if it’s 7 but the whole idea is that I have to come home before sunset…which comes at that time nowadays…I dunnoe about sleepovers…my parents only allow it if they know the parents of whoever’s house it is</p>

<p>Anyway, I just wanted to get some advice on how to break it to my friends that not only do I not want to hang out all the time but we’re different. What they’re parents allow is different from what my parents allow. You can go right ahead and yell at your parents and argue but I don’t enjoy that all. What I like is different from what they like. I want to be able to say “I don’t want to hang out this weekend, sorry” without getting yelled at for the whole school to hear us bickering. I have other friends who have kind of the same situation but if I want to hang out with them instead of my friends, my best friends get all mad. I still hang out with them at school EVERY DAY, one of them we have 3 classes together and the other friend I have 1 with. We text, we chat each other on facebook for hours, we skype. Why do we have to see each other all the time? I don’t understand. I guess I’m less sensitive? Things change? W.e</p>

6

<p>They don’t sound like real friends to me to be saying that. True friends are understanding and sympathetic. Honestly it seems a little disrespectful in my eyes for them to tell you to grow a backbone like that. </p>

<p>You can probably find better and more understanding friends. Even at age 15, people can be caring. I wasn’t allowed to go out on weekends until I turned 17 and the friends who insulted me for having no life… Well, let’s just say by senior year I realized who were my real friends and who weren’t.</p>