Dropping Out

Parents Forum
1

<p>Hi CC,</p>

<p>I’m a freshman right now at a small Catholic college and I’m seriously considering dropping out after the first semester. I understand that ‘dropping out’ sounds egregious to most people and the natural advice is to not do it, but I really don’t know if I’m in a mental state healthy enough to be attending school anymore. </p>

<p>I’ve had depression pretty much all throughout my adolescence and high school years. My family knows about this and I’ve gone to see several different psychologists/psychiatrists in the last few years, but I never really found any of it helpful. I was even on antidepressants at one point, which were to no avail. I wasn’t a very good student in high school, but I managed to do well enough to get accepted to a somewhat reputable college. I guess I thought that when I got to college things would change and I would be happier, but that hasn’t happened.</p>

<p>Ostensibly I’ve done well here. I’ve made friends and I’m doing all right in my classes I guess, but I just can’t find any enjoyment in any of it. When I think about it, all I ever really feel like doing is sleeping. I attend class usually and I get most of the work done, but I feel very disconnected from what I’m doing. I feel like I’m just going through the motions, so to speak. I sit in class and all I can think about is how much I hate being there. None of what I’m being taught feels meaningful to me and I’m only learning it so as not to do poorly. But it’s hard because with all this going on it’s nearly impossible for me to concentrate. I’ve tried to study, but I just can’t. I’m not lazy, I don’t think, I’m just too distracted. Instead of studying for a test, I spend my time worrying about it. Even as an English major, I can’t bring myself to read anything. I read a page and I just look away.</p>

<p>It’s the same thing with people too. I’ve made friends I guess, but the friendships feel superficial to me. I go out and all but I end up feeling just as lonely when I’m around my friends as I do when I’m by myself. They’re nice kids but deep down I just don’t feel close to them. I worry that this is going to be how I’ll be with people for the rest of my life. I don’t want to live like this anymore and I want to have meaningful relationships but I just feel so detached from everyone. I don’t really like being with my family that much either to tell the truth.</p>

<p>I know I’m not at the right school for me, and I certainly feel that I could benefit from a new environment. But I’m worried that if I transfer, then I’ll be at a new school and I’ll just fall back into the same pattern of unhappiness once more. And I don’t know if I can bear that again. I’m not sure how much longer I can do this. I worry sometimes that I’ll end up killing myself someday.</p>

<p>I’ve thought about dropping out, even running away. In some ways I’d like to do the latter, but I know that that would devastate my family. I suppose the most plausible thing to do is to suck it up and work my hardest and stay the entire year, and then transfer to a school that is closer to what I want. I’m just so unhappy though that I wonder if I really have it in me to do that. Like I said, it’s not that I don’t want to read or study, I just can’t -- absolutely cannot, no matter how hard I try. My parents have offered to let me come home and attend a community college in the spring. Obviously that wouldn’t be any fun, but I just don’t know what to do really. Do I belong in a hospital? I just don’t know what to do.</p>

2

<p>

</p>

<p>This statement suggests that you once tried antidepressants and decided it was not useful.</p>

<p>I’m not a psychologist or doctor, but I do know that it can take a serious time commitment and a lot of trial and error for individuals to find the right antidepressants and dosage that works for them. The fact that you did not find benefit from once trying a particular medication does not at all mean there isn’t a medical treatment that will be effective for you. Please do not give up hope on that avenue! </p>

<p>I hope you will stick out where you are at for now, but also seek out professional help where you are at so you can finally find the right combination of treatment to address your depression.</p>

3

<p>I would suggest that before you make any decisions you talk with your parents and someone from the counseling center if you haven’t already. Most schools have counselors that are trained mental health professionals on campus. It seems like any school will be a struggle for you until your depression is addressed. Medication and talk therapy together are usually most effective. If the first medication didn’t work, ask to try another, and ask to see a Psychiatrist for your meds as they are better trained in this area than most family MD’s. Please don’t ignore this! Depression is serious, but is also very treatable.</p>

4

<p>What you are describing is depression. Like the other posters have mentioned, it would be great for you to go to student health and find a counselor or adolescent medicine physician who can help you. Make an appointment as soon as you can. That would be your first small goal.
Reach out to someone. If you have a friend that you enjoy talking to, ask that person to go to dinner in the dorm. You can make it a short visit. One social contact and some smiling will go a long way.
Go to class every day. Put yourself on a schedule: 1. read one chapter 2. go get a snack 3. do a homework assignment 4. take a walk Talk to your professors during office hours. Make contact.
Do some community service. Your college may offer an ongoing program that you could join when you have the time available. You will be amazed how much you have to offer others.
Talk to your family members about your plan so they can support you.
If you can find the right medication and support system, you can meet your goals. Just be sure to put the goals on paper and check them off as you go along.<br>
Physical exercise, even a walk around campus, starts your endorphins rolling. Those will give you a feeling that you are energetic and alive!</p>

5

<p>I went to my school’s counseling center twice. Honestly, the problem I have with therapy is that it’s not really cathartic for me. I don’t feel better when I talk about my problems, especially because my problems aren’t always conditional. I’m naturally a very introverted, pessimistic person and sitting down and talking about this stuff doesn’t really change much.</p>

6

<p>I understand the feeling that talking it out is not cathartic as I feel that way, too. Ironically, one of my closest friends is a psychiatrist. I did find journaling to be useful, though, because I didn’t have to share it with anyone. In your case, though, I do think that you should see a psychiatrist again and determine if a course of antidepressants might not be useful just to get you over this bump in the road. </p>

<p>If you can complete the year, do so. If not, go home and go to cc or just recoup and recuperate.</p>

<p>Good luck.</p>

7

<p>Ideally and usually, therapy, especially for depression, is a lot more than “talking about one’s problems.” It typically involves things like collecting evidence for and against certain thoughts, engaging in pleasurable activities, etc. Depression treatment very much promotes and rewards active engagement in treatment. The reason the first two or three sessions are so focused on talking about your problems is that the therapist is trying to get as good as sense of you and your specific situation as possible before beginning treatment. So, I’d definitely encourage you to keep going back to the counseling center, at least for another two sessions or so.</p>

8

<p>^ I also just want to add that even if it doesn’t feel useful in the short run, that doesn’t mean it won’t help you down the road. Treatment- whether it’s medication, therapy, or other behavioral changes to help your depression - can take quite a while for you to feel its benefits and it may be so gradual that you don’t even notice until you look back and see a change. So please hang in there and don’t give up too quickly.</p>

9

<p>Not a substitute fordoing it in real life, but do these look similar to what for tried?</p>

<p><a href=“Kaiser Permanente Center for Health Research”>Kaiser Permanente Center for Health Research;

<p><a href=“Kaiser Permanente Center for Health Research”>Kaiser Permanente Center for Health Research;

10

<p>I agree that you need to give therapy and well-supervised pharmacology another try. If you do take some time to get help and/or move home, please don’t be hard on yourself. There’s no “right” timeline for being in college, etc. The most important thing to focus on right now is finding tools to help you become a happier, more productive person-- do it at a pace that won’t set you right back to being miserable/catatonic. I like what previous poster said about walking/endorphins, too. BTW, MAKE SURE that you don’t just see a psychiatrist without testing blood levels, etc.–some of this could also be hormonal.</p>

11

<p>Have you had a physical check-up? There are also some physical problems that can contribute to depression, such as low thyroid function. In fact, we know an MD who uses T3 (thyroid supplement) for depression. This MD also uses bioidentical progesterone (hormone imbalances can also contribute, for females especially) and stimulants, with or without SSRI’s - for those having unsatisfactory experiences on the SSRI’s alone. He is head of an academic dept. of medicine and does a lot of testing and documenting: I mention these approaches only to show that there are many avenues to try. There are also meds like Effexor, Cymbalta, Wellbutrin that don’t fit into the SSRI category. And alternative MD’s can suggest supplements, though I would be careful with these.</p>

<p>A skilled psychiatrist might be able to help you find a medication or combination of medications/supplements to get you rolling again. As someone else said, it can take awhile to find the right med, and you have to deal with withdrawal between attempts, so it can be difficult. But a knowledgeable practitioner could probably save you time, with a thorough interview, by starting with a likely candidate for you.</p>

<p>Sometimes these meds can be used for awhile, while you establish new habits, interests and connections, then stopped, and others stay on them for a few years. I can understand any reluctance you might have, and it is your right not to use meds, but I have seen several young people your age benefit.</p>

<p>Exercise can be really beneficial, but when you are depressed, it can be hard to get to it. Maybe try something like nia or zumba (both involving dance) that is fun. Good luck!</p>

<p>Finally, you could always talk with your school, document your depression, and take fewer classes. A lower courseload is sometimes a big help, and you can enjoy school more sometimes when you have fewer subjects to focus on. Sometimes that helps prevent a total dropping-out.</p>

12

<p>

</p>

<p>I am not a psychologist but agree with others that you sure sound as though you have clinical depression. You’ve been given some good advice. If you are feeling suicidal, then you may well need to get to a hospital. Otherwise, please seek help asap from a mental health professional. Depression does not have an overnight cure-you must be committed to treatment, patient, and open to various therapies.</p>

<p>I also wanted to address a comment above. Getting your education is very often not “fun.” While going to CC and living at home might not be “fun,” it could still be a very good thing for you, possibly the best thing for you right now. Your first priority is your safety and mental health, but getting an education should figure in there at some point. It’s very hard to go back to school once you have been out of it for a good while. I would try to take at least a course or two if at all possible once you have assured that you are safe and are taking steps to address your depression.</p>

<p>Good luck and keep us posted.</p>

13

<p>((hug)) for the OP…The fact that you don’t know what to do is probably part of the depression. I think if you’ve tried the counseling services at your school and feel that you aren’t connecting in a useful way, it’s time to go home since your parents seem fine with that idea. My son is home now in similar circumstances. It isn’t ideal, it isn’t his fault, it isn’t what/where we thought we’d be, but that’s okay. At least we are together, at least we can plan on our own schedule, not on the arbitrary hurry-up-and-get-better schedule of college. You are ill, and need to allow yourself the time to assess the how/why of getting better. You might go back to college. You might not. But whatever you decide to do, you will be infinitely better off if you do it as your best self. Best of luck.</p>

14

<p>OP, I agree that you need to see a psychiatrist who can talk to you about antidepressants. But I think you should think long and hard before going home and attendng CC. First, if you think there is a possibility that you might harm yourself, take a medical leave of absence and go home. Second, if you can forsee your GPA tanking, take a medical leave of absence and go home. Otherwise, try to stick it out for the year.</p>

<p>My son had a pretty disasterous first year of college and he is now home going to CC. And that alone is depressing. Most of his friends are away. But what is weird is that some of them have also left other schools and have come home, but they never socialize. There are really all kinds of kids not away at school, but they seem to be “underground.” I know that there is no place at our (very large) church for my son anymore. The “college program” ministers to students at a nearby 4 year university and there are no activities for the college aged kids who are at home. His CC doesn’t have clubs or sports teams so there isn’t a meaningful opportunity to make friends at school.</p>

<p>Coming home could be the right solution for you - or, it could be a depressing blow to your self esteem.</p>