<p>I am a second year college student and i feel like my life is over... last year was okay, i was in an honors program at my university, i had a few friends and so on. I had a normal freshman year. </p>
<p>Then in the summer I received an email from the committee administering my main big scholarship notifying me that my Spring '11 GPA was too low to continue receiving it. So i was put on probation for that scholarship and that's where i am today. </p>
<p>This semester started out rough, with the death of my grandfather which was a LONG time coming and we had been just counting the days anyway (lung cancer) but still it was very, very sad. then school started and it all just got worse, my classes are almost without exception very difficult and i have already failed two pop quizzes (civil engineering major). </p>
<p>THEN i get a call late, late Sunday night - one of my best friends from my hometown and his fiancee DIED in a car accident. I flew in earlier this week for one day for the funeral and missed a day of class. </p>
<p>Anyway, the combination of these things is killing me. i have crying spells all through the day and i can barely bring myself to eat or drink. i have only gotten a couple of hours of sleep total this whole week. needless to say, I haven't studied at all really and I just feel pathetic, almost like i should just stop living. And on top of that I've been having some pretty scary thoughts about dropping out, and it's getting to that point that i'm serious... I've read so many stories about successful people w/o college degrees and i feel like I am not the "college type." i am just taking up some smarter person's space. </p>
<p>i know that isn't rational but it's how i feel, and I can barely keep myself from doing it because I'm confident i'll fail all my classes this semester anyway, lose all my scholarships and then have to go to community college because i can't pay tuition. so i might as well just expedite the process.</p>
<p>Blah... I don't know why i wrote this or what my question is. maybe i just need someone to tell me it'll all be okay? =/</p>
<p>Oh wishihadariver, I am so, so sorry for the pain you are going through. You are dealing with so much all at once, and you need to get to your student health center and get help from a professional. That’s what they are there for, and I know they can help you work through this. You’ve got a whole bright future ahead of you no matter what, even though I know it doesn’t feel that way right now. My heart goes out to you. Please get into that health center first thing tomorrow.</p>
<p>Wow. What a heap of tragic, sad things to hit you all at once. Anyone would be having trouble dealing with all that. I’m so sorry for all your losses. <em>big gentle hug</em></p>
<p>I wonder if you can talk to your advisor and find out if there is any sort of policy whereby you can take a semester off for mental/emotional health reasons without losing your status? like an excused leave of absence - there is probably a term for it.</p>
<p>Is it too late to drop/add and maybe get an easier course? Even if you need to take these courses right now to graduate “on time”, it’s better to stay enrolled and keep your scholarship and have an extra semester or even year than to flunk out completely.</p>
<p>It does get better - right now you are in the bottom of a very bad spot. Please talk to someone at your school and find out about help or different options available to you. Good luck.</p>
<p>And you aren’t necessarily doomed to have to leave and finish at CC either…get the help you need to figure it out the steps you need to take, it is not too late.</p>
<p>Many people go through these rough patches in their lives. Fighting through it and maintaining drive and focus is what helps develop our characters. You just need to find that inner drive you must have had when you first started college, and ignite it again. Don’t give up–people recover from these types of dilemmas all the time, and no doubt you can too. It will be okay, just bring yourself to look past these difficult losses, even though it may seem extremely difficult, but you must focus on your studies and take care of yourself. Success only comes with effort and diligence, something we are all capable of. Fight through it, you will be just fine. Good luck and all the best wishes.</p>
<p>I think you need to talk with your parents and academic adviser and family doc about a possible medical withdrawal. It really sounds like you need some counseling to deal with all these stresses.
These issues are MUCH more important than worrying about any delay in your schooling. You can also have your adviser talk with the scholarship folks to find out the implications of that.<br>
Losing loved ones is difficult under ANY circumstance, but when you’re struggling with academics, it’s even harder. Inability to sleep, eat and drink needs more than just someone telling you that you’ll be OK. Please get help NOW! You need and deserve it. There are professionals who can make a world of difference. Call your folks NOW, please!</p>
<p>You might also contact the Dean of Students - do it in an email today, so that you can get a response this weekend. You have suffered two serious losses and may be able to arrange a withdrawal for the rest of the semester, or at least extensions on your assignments. I’d start with both your adviser and the Dean of Students, who probably has a procedure in place to assist you. My d suffered a loss last year and received exceptional support from the faculty and admins at her school. There are people on the staff at your college whose job it is to help you.</p>
<p>There must be a mental health office available to counsel students - you should call that, as well. This is a hard time for you, but things will get better - really. It’s important to take action soon so that you don’t find yourself even more overwhelmed. Please let us know how you’re doing.</p>
<p>Everyone has had tough times, and we all feel for you.</p>
<p>Compared to soldiers in the American Revolution, the Civil War, at D-Day, etc., however, our own personal troubles are really not that great in comparison.</p>
<p>It is easy for me to say this, but if they stuck it out, so can you. Do the best this year that you can, and even if you lose the scholarship, you can always transfer somewhere else. </p>
<p>Example—Franklin Roosevelt, Vice Presidential candidate at age 35, who then was crippled by polio, and wanted to give up, but Eleanor would not let him, and he made a comeback, and helped save the world (by the way, this is non-political, because I am a republican)</p>
<p>Those of us who have suggested seeking help are responding to the OP’s crying spells, inability to eat, recent losses, lethargy, and insomnia. We’re concerned with his mental health. If this were my child, I would not be able to overlook these things. I don’t think that the advice to stick it out/do his best will be relevant if he is clinically depressed, whether or not it’s for a long duration.</p>
<p>OP - seeking help in this situation is doing your best. Please do it.</p>
<p>Please listen to the advice of HImom and frazzled1, and don’t compare yourself to others, especially historical figures, who seem to have gotten through hard times. You need to see a counselor immediately to help you sort out what you need to do to get through this difficult time. Good luck.</p>
<p>I agree, frazzled, and I don’t find posts that minimize his concerns because he’s a kid and hasn’t been to war helpful. wishihadariver(Joni Mitchell reference?), please do as others have suggested and find someone to talk to ASAP.There are people at school who should be more than happy to help you. And yes,we are here to tell you that it’ll all be okay. But you must find someone to help you sort this all out and help you with your depression.</p>
<p>A leave of absence can serve a lot of purposes. One of my kids just took a medical leave for a chronic illness, and although we were all feeling tragic about it at first, it turned out to be the best 5 months of her life, honestly.</p>
<p>If you need a leave to deal with your losses, take one, if it is comfortable to be home, or if you have some other place to go where you would be comfortable.</p>
<p>But beyond that, you may also want to use a leave to reconsider your major. Many, many students drop engineering. Here on CC, many students come on here in despair over the rigors of engineering, dropping grades, and so on.</p>
<p>Once you are dealing with the losses, and have some energy back, maybe you could spend part of your leave thinking about other majors you might like, or doing internships, jobs or volunteering that could help generate those ideas.</p>
<p>Only you know if things are desperate enough for a leave, of even if a leave could be a positive thing. If you want to stick it out, then by all means seek counseling asap. Meds might help you get through this hard time, and the college health service could help with that. We have seen students do amazing turnarounds on meds, but again, only you know if that is a good route, or if a leave would help (with or without meds).</p>
<p>No matter what, get some help asap, please. Let us know…</p>
<p>“even if you lose the scholarship, you can always transfer somewhere else.”
floridadad- pardon me for being blunt, but it is NOT easy to just transfer to some place else with a falling GPA AND be able to find a 4 year college with engineering that is as affordable !! Scholarships for transfer students are almost non existent . </p>
<p>And by the way- Franklin Roosevelt? , someone who had millions of dollars to fall back and never NEEDED to work a day in his life ?, is not an example that is likely to inspire a young struggling college student…</p>
<p>Take the long view: you’ve already had a difficult start, which started with a scarey warning before day one. I also agree you should seek help (health center, advisors, parents, etc.) but consider various options.</p>
<p>No, I’m not suggesting you completely drop out, as you mentioned, but you might want to consider taking a semester off. A true long view will help you realize you should complete your college degree, but maybe that 4 year timetable could change. Setting your sites on a future goal and getting a college degree are important, but if you have too much stress, focus on that first.</p>
<p>There is a place and a time that putting things into perspective is helpful. But let me gently say that when a person is hurting, the amount of pain that someone else has had doesn’t really have any relation to nor does it minimize the amount of pain the first person is feeling. When you are in genuine pain, you need immediate help, despite what other people have gone through. You don’t want to compound the problem with someone feeling guilty about feeling bad, though I know that was not the intention.</p>
<p>Having three deaths to deal with in such a short time is valid enough to warrant whatever help and intervention is need, I think.</p>
<p>Get thee to the campus counseling center ASAP. You have classic symptoms of depression - crying spells, inability to sleep or eat, feelings of hopelessness. </p>
<p>You’ve certainly had a lot of sadness and loss to deal with, and plenty of stress to go along with it. The counseling center can help you decide your best course of action, and help you figure out how to cope and eventually return to your normal self.</p>
<p>Please don’t wait. Contact them as soon as possible. There is help, and things WILL get better.</p>
<p>Please do let your parents and the Dean of Students know right away that you are NOT ok.
One of my kids kept slugging through a semester and ended up with awful grades (not just sluggish – awful). It turns out he would have been better off if he had withdrawn for the term (money wise and GPA wise). </p>
<p>I know you have a lot of work and hope invested in getting to where you are today – but it really is ok to step off the rat race path for a bit if you need to. Or permanently. </p>
<p>I have gotten to the point that I am very very wary of honors programs. Sometimes they expect too much – they really do. Don’t let your ego (or your parent’s egos) make you despair of life. Einstein never was an honors student. Neither was Bill Gates or Mother Teresa or JK Rowlings. Honors students tend to be highly compliant folks (“you want ten pages by Thursday? OK, I’ll stay up til 3 a.m for four nights to make that happen”). You may be sick and tired of being compliant. Particularly after having family and friends come to the end of their lives. Suddenly being highly compliant may be overrated. </p>
<p>So consider if you want to switch (at least for awhile) to some other college courses. It may be that you go home for this term. That is not the end of the world. </p>
<p>Please don’t feel you are trapped. Get help now – and bail out of the impossible classes before you are stuck with F’s. It may be a blow to your pride but you can bounce back from a pride blow when the world stabilizes for you. Hang in there.</p>
<p>Even if it MAY be a ■■■■■, there is nothing wrong with giving well-considered advice in case there are others who may read and benefit. I would prefer to honestly respond to a post that I believe may be from a person who appears to be seeking help than assume any initial post is necessarily a ■■■■■. A person may start a new ID to post something this troubling or may not have had occasion to post until now for many reasons. The sequence of events makes sense to me and is definitely within the scope of things that people have to deal with.</p>
<p>I’m so sorry you have to go through this. It would probably be first off in your best interest to talk to one of your school’s psychologists/counselors to help you work through the grieving. </p>
<p>One solution for you may be to go on leave for a semester or year to get through everything that has happened and (hopefully) feel the desire to go to college again. If you have somewhere to go taking a leave is a relatively simple process, and you may even be able to take a few classes at a school nearer to where you live. This could help you bring up your grades and also provide a family support system for you. Afterwards you may have a better idea of what you want to do going forward.</p>
<p>And it WILL all be all right, eventually. I think you need some time without other obligations to rest and work through what happened, but I’m sure you will figure out what’s best for you in the end.</p>