<p>mammall nailed it (again). The Harvard experience can be an isolating one for the parents, including among family members (hence, the "nuclear" family reference mammall made, which was also very apt in our case). My D has been thrilled with her experience there, but it is very difficult to share that with other people without them taking some odd sort of offense about it. Even SIL/parent of Stanford grad feels the need to drop some sort of criticism about H in front of me at every family gathering. Ugh. I just smile and say nothing. DH and I agreed to just revel in it in private.</p>
<p>My convo with a friend from bball camp who has already received scholarship offers from DII schools...as an eighth grader.</p>
<p>Him:What grade you in?</p>
<p>Me: I'm goin to college.</p>
<p>Him: Where?</p>
<p>Me: Harvard.</p>
<p>Him: Oh...*<strong><em>. You're a smart mother</em></strong>*er.</p>
<p>So now the future NBA star will remember me if I have to operate on him in about 20 years. :)</p>
<p>Yeah, when my parents were telling their friends about my acceptance, most were/pretended to be happy. One of them, though (his kid will be applying to colleges next year, but with his HS record he's most likely out of the running for the ivies) said something along the lines of, "Well, Harvard undergraduate is really not that great. Wouldn't do much more for her than your state college." I thought that was just rude...it's not like I was competing with his kid for admission.</p>
<p>Normally the H-bomb is the nuke of college name dropping, but I did witness a group that turned its attention away from a Harvard student-to-be when another kid announced that he was going to Oxford. It may not be the better uni, but an American going to Ox is a bit more unique.</p>
<p>To be fair and balanced, my D has one over-the-top fan of her going to Harvard outside of our nuclear family/boyfriend -- the fellow who cuts her hair. He has newspaper clippings about her on the salon walls and literally shrieks with excitement when she shows up for her appointments. Pops open champagne . . . it's fun and nutty.</p>
<p>I posted about the H-bomb a couple of years ago, from the point of view of a student:</p>
<p>
[QUOTE]
When I saw on the "101 reasons to go to Harvard" thread that someone had put the reason "dropping the H bomb," I couldn't help but laugh. Harvard students know that telling someone you go to Harvard is a decidely UNpleasant experience.</p>
<p>Think about it a second- outside of your friends and family (who are just going to be happy for you), these are the possible reactions (every one of these has happened to me at least once):</p>
<p>a)"Whoa- you must be really smart!" After which, you feel uncomfortable.
b)"Hey, I didn't think you were smart!" Even more uncomfortable.
c)"Wow. I totally could never get into that school." How are you supposed to respond?
d)"Wow. I could have gotten in, but I thought Harvard was just too pretentious and so overrated..." Ummm, thanks... jerk...
e)"Hey, what were all of your scores and grades?" Then you have to defend yourself and why you got in.
f)"Whoa, way to brag about it!" Uh, you asked me...
g)"Doesn't Harvard pay no attention to undergraduates and have distant professors and isn't everyone snobby?" This one bothers me the most. Does any other school have to face this, where the first thing you hear is all the flaws and perceived flaws parroted at you? This would be considered rude if it were talking about any other school- why is it OK when it's Harvard?</p>
<p>Dropping the H-bomb is only fun if you're arrogant and like attention (as I'm sure you're not). It's never enjoyable to be in uncomfortable situations like that. Harvard has a lot going for it, but if the only reason you want to go is that you want to tell people you got in- well, it's not a good idea.
[/QUOTE]
</p>
<p>^And slightly creepy as well, mammall, but I won't pass judgment.</p>
<p>I have to say, you are all right, dropping the H-bomb can be pretty horrible. After dodging the fake congratulations for the past year, now, after my freshman year, I am faced with a new kind of awkward conversation:</p>
<p>The "How did your first year go?" Question. </p>
<p>I usually respond with "Oh, it went okay. Just glad it's summer." accompanied with a polite smile. Then comes the awkward part...Here are the typical statements to follow:</p>
<p>-- "Oh really, so is it as hard as they say?"
-- "Did you meet any one famous?"
-- "Were there a lot of rude Yankees?" (Common misconception in TX)
-- "What was your GPA?"</p>
<p>I mean, I just had a regular freshman year like any other kid. What's the big deal? So, I usually try to pacify them with a short, witty answer before attempting to escape. Please tell me I'm not the only one experiencing this?</p>
<p>Don't forget, everytime you do something "stupid,"</p>
<p>"And you went to Harvard?"</p>
<p>^the easiest response for that is "I'm not majoring in [the subject of what you were talking about that sounded stupid] you lesser person" (I've said the last part to ex-HS classmates before...although not with those exact words :P)</p>
<p>If you know how to game the question it really isn't horrible at all.</p>
<p>I know someone who insists on responding to dropped H-bombs with an "Ahh, following in the footsteps of the Unabomber, are you?" Gah.</p>
<p>I use the UCLA Test to guide my actions in dropping the H-bomb:</p>
<p>Also, I found that you could deflect or lesson some of the negative responses by quickly moving the conversation past the word "Harvard." When people asked where my daughter was going to college I'd say "She's senior at Harvard majoring in Physics and she really loves it." That would serve to move us quickly past Harvard. often before any real shock could set it, and on to Physics and the fact that she loves it.</p>
<p>
[quote]
I know someone who insists on responding to dropped H-bombs with an "Ahh, following in the footsteps of the Unabomber, are you?" Gah.
[/quote]
</p>
<p>Is he/she/it a Yalie with an inferiority complex?</p>
<p>
Why is this? Is her high school really competitive and bitter, or something?</p>
<p>poseur hold on! mammall has always been a great poster on CC. Hasn't offended anyone and has been very kind. Her post is valid and appreciated. </p>
<p>No need to be harsh or assume something you don't know about</p>
<p>Sorry for being harsh; I was just kind of confused as to why this would be the case. Wouldn't most people have at least a small circle of friends that would be happy for them upon admission to a great school? :confused: </p>
<p>I wasn't trying to accuse her daughter of cheating her way through high school or being stuck up; I was just speculating as to why (in an environment like those of the schools that I'm used to) people would be so unsupportive. And the wording of "the pain it causes most people" struck me as odd. </p>
<p>I guess mammall's daughter's high school environment is just something completely alien to me.</p>
<p>Poseur,</p>
<p>I think what she means is that some people are jealous and don't really try to hide it when you tell them where you got accepted. Let's face it, senior year is stressful and kids are put under a lot of pressure to get into a good school. So, it just so happens that they become a little bit bitter towards other students who have perhaps been more successful in the college admissions game. Even in a high school, like mine, that is not "competitive and bitter" kids, and sometimes their parents, don't really know how to react.</p>
<p>^Mine is competitive, and there isn't really resentment per se, but there is a stratification based on college admissions. The parents might be worse than the students, actually. It does get political at times.</p>
<p>poseur, I'm glad that you haven't had any issues with the acceptance to Harvard. There were a few people at my son's school who were a bit jealous and did say things like speculating how Harvard did their admittance. Even thought my son was ranked 2 in his class and won the most prestigious award at his high school at the end of the year, people still say things to make themselves feel better about not being accepted. It's human nature, but still ugly. Best of luck to you in college!</p>
<p>I agree with baelor, the parents are often times worse than the students!</p>
<p>My son didn't experience any bitter or jealous reactions when he was accepted to H and other great schools. Peers and adults were proud of him, happy for all of us. In our experience, some of the reaction you get depends on how you carry the mantle of achievement -- and how you've carried it over the years.</p>