<p>Why do so many parents foot the bill for their kids to go off to college, only to watch them drink themselves to death and/or do drugs? I</p>
<p>t is beyond me why so many parents are OK with this. I told my son "I am not paying for you to party for the next four years." I told him if he wants to party, he can do that for free - he doesn't need a college campus to do that. Fortunately my son is a studier and not a partier. But why do so many parents give in? </p>
<p>Funny thing, I was talking to a co-worker about some new hires we recently made. He commented to me how kids from a certain tier-1 University are always "smart" but also tend to "have drinking problems." Now imagine that. Your child studies hard, gets into a tier-1 school, then becomes a lifelong alcoholic!</p>
<p>I had that same talk with my kid. Who laughed at me and said "I know when you grew up!" ( the 70's) I tried to emphasize that its difficult to get a job with a pot bust on your record as opposed to a drinking which is more forgiven. Then what appears on TV? revelation the NEW York Governor is a pot smoking coke using philanderer.</p>
<p>What can you tell your kids? The only jobs available to pot smoking, cocaine using, certified alcoholics is the position of leader of the free world , president of the United States of America or governor of New York!</p>
<p>I'm not sure it's a matter of giving in. Unless the student calls up mom and dad and says, "Hey, I'm drinking myself to death!", they don't really know what's going on. I suppose low grades might be an indicator of substance abuse, but plenty of students are able to maintain high GPAs, ECs, jobs, etc. and go out partying a couple nights a week. I don't have a crystal ball to watch over them, so if my kids are partying, there isn't a whole lot I can do about it because their grades are fine. I don't really know what they're doing all the time they are up there.</p>
<p>Drug and alcohol issues appear to be more prevalent on college campuses, because the entire population there is young. But it's an issue that is just as prevalent, if not more, among the same aged crowd that isn't in college. Between 80-85% of 18-20 year-olds acknowledge drinking. Our culture's response to that is to enforce and arrest, which does nothing to modify the allure. A former president of Middlebury College is heading an effort to roll back the drinking age to 18 in order to teach responsibility rather than try in vain to enforce abstinence. I think that's the only way to approach the situation that has any reasonable chance of success.</p>
<p>Some parents did the same when they were in college, others don't know. </p>
<p>By the time a child heads off to college the parents have instilled whatever values they can in their child. All we can do is remind them of our expectations and hope they follow the logic behind our advice. This is the final exam for parents- did we do a passable job in teaching our child about life? Did we give them reasons to respect our advice? Experimentation once free of parental control can be expected, but all out drinking/drugs either reflects parental attitudes or reveals problems parents may not have known about. Sometimes shocked parents discover their child has problems that surfaced in the free atmosphere of college. Some of us relax as we realize our child did get our message, there was something positive about those turbulent teenage years at home (thank goodness for those extracurriculars with peer groups who did not drink/use drugs, and thank goodness for the runner's lifestyle).</p>
<p>Good lord, you want to give an 18-year old the opportunity to drink and then get behind the wheel?! We'd be teaching them responsibility at a great price -the lives of the innocent.</p>
<p>I agree with GADad. I grew up in a state where the drinking age was 18 - and can't believe that we consider 18 year olds mature enough to drive, go to war, get married, vote - but NOT to drink. Sure, tighten up those DWI consequences - no argument there. But come on, in this state (PA), you lose your license if you're caught WALKING around with one or two beers in your system. Now, what does that do? Stop kids from drinking? No way.
Regarding the OP original question, I have no intention of funding 4 years of partying and drinking. But as long as the student keeps their grades up, I don't see that there's anything you can do. How do you propose monitoring drinking behavior when they're not living with you anymore? And would you pull all tuition funding if your kid got an underage drinking citation? They hand them out like candy in some places...</p>
<p>In the old days the drinking age for beer in Wis was 18, then the Vietnam war came along and the age was lowered to 18 for everything, raised to 21 when the Feds tied it to funding. The drunk drivers come in all ages, even with a legal drinking age of 21- laws don't stop teens from being drunk drivers. It would be scary, again, to think of teens driving across state lines to drink if different states have differing ages. Most college students aren't driving - the bars are walking distance from campus. It is hard to change a drinking culture, parents who allow their teens to drink - there was even an ad campaign in Wis this winter pointing out how parents can get in legal trouble by allowing underage drinking in their home. </p>
<p>Regarding pulling away college funding for behavior- would the student dropping out face more, long term problems? Sometimes parents want to keep their child in school and hope they outgrow the behavior knowing that if the child had to drop out the problem of drugs/drinking would not go away and the lifestyle without college would be even worse.</p>
<p>ThomasFre- This subject comes up every few weeks on this forum, so you might want to do a search. Of course we don't send our kids off with the expectation that they will drink or drug themselves to death. Unfortunately, a number of young people do just that, and it is tragic. College drinking (and as has been pointed out- non-college drinking by this age group) is a reality. Prescription drug abuse is also a reality. We all want the best for our kids, and hope that they will make good decisions. Even the best and the brightest make some bad decisions. I have one kid (now a college grad) who was a fairly responsible drinker (still drank underage and partied) and one who I feel abuses alcohol on too many occasions. Both of my kids are top students and the second one is an endurance athlete. There are certain things we can do as parents and the rest is up to the kid. If a kid is wasting his or her college education, I would pull the funding. That's about all you can do.</p>
<p>ThomasFre: Lots of us are able to do some partying, some drinking, even occasionally do some drugs, without impacting our studies, our long-term goals, or our health in any significant way. That may surprise you, and you may be appalled at all the terrible, terrible things we do (aka drinking, partying and sometimes drugs... can you hear the sarcasm?) but it happens, and most of the people who partake turn out fine. Great, even.</p>
<p>Personally, my dad's rule for me (he's the one who largely oversees my college stuff) is that I don't let it affect either my academic or athletic pursuits, and other than that he won't ask questions or get on my back about it. I'm responsible enough to follow that, so I see no problem with such a stance. And no, I don't consider the fact that a bunch of histrionic lobbyists got the government to decide that people my age are in fact not responsible and hike up the drinking age - don't care one bit. If I decide some partying and drinking is not the right decision for me, for whatever reason, I don't do it. Otherwise, I do. Simple as that.</p>
<p>gadad: I am very, very much hoping that the involvement of McCardell will help to lend some legitimacy to and drive along the idea of lowering the drinking age. It would be a very good thing, in my opinion.</p>
<p>I've watched a few debates between him and various MADD spokespeople about the issue... they always seem a bit shellshocked and unable to do more than repeat certain formulaic statements whenever they encounter him. Good signs, hopefully. ;)</p>
<p>For the same reason that they let their kids party on the weekends in high school and turn their heads the other way.....for the same reason they let them drive home from these parties on the weekends.....it just doesn't make sense to me....</p>
<p>Formulaic statistics like?: 40% of all fatal traffic fatalities are caused by alcholol involved a drunk driver under the age of 21.</p>
<p>So they're drinking and driving already, but if we make it legal, then they'll not drink and drive more? I highly doubt it. Kids are kids. They do stupid stuff because they don't understand the dangers. They have no life experience and often times have never experienced a tragedy. Part of our job is to protect them. Yes, help them grow up and learn responsibility too. But also to protect. I doubt McCardell has a loved one killed by a drunk teenage driver.</p>
<p>Anyway, my point is simply this: A lot of parents KNOW their kids are drinking a lot more than studying at college, but they still foot the bill for it. I think it's somewhat irresponible and the kids actually learn the opposite lesson from the parent.</p>
<p>Some colleges let alcohol be available on campus so students don't drive to get it somewhere else. It's a tough issue. In our state (VT) kids can drive to Canada. A dear friend had her son fall off a balcony and die. Probably alcohol related. We don't know exactly what our kids are doing.</p>
<p>The majority of students at many campuses drink alcohol without making major sacrifices to their studies, without becoming alcoholics, and without driving drunk. College has historically been a time of exploration- in the
60's in particular, drug use was pretty rampant. But psychology suggests that once college is over, most people have no trouble transitioning into a more sober and low-key environment. Literally changing your environment-your surroundings and the people you hang out with everyday- makes it very easy for people to drop or reduce drugs and alcohol that they consumed for four years straight. This is why people generally get clean in rehab, only to give in to their addicitions once they return home.</p>
<p>It always amazes me that the same people who rant and rave about abstinence only programs with respect to sex try and peddle the "just say no" program for drinking and act like those who say anything else to their children are paving the way for the kids' destruction.</p>
<p>The reality is that almost all kids drink, smoke dope, or both (although, largely because I was a total nerd, I did neither in college). Continual harping on the total abstinence theme just prevents you from having sensible discussions about reasonable principles like "don't drink and drive" and "keep your partying to the weekends."</p>
<p>"...The reality is that almost all kids drink, smoke dope, or both..."</p>
<p>Perhaps the reality is that parents with kids who drink, smoke dope, or both want to believe almost all kids are doing so. Few parents want to admit that the quality of their parenting during their kid's childhood is reflected in the decisions their kid makes about the use of illicit drugs/alcohol. It's much more comforting to parents to view their kid's behavior as common practice among peers and thereby shift responsibility for the behavior to something that was never within parental control. The truth is that more kids eschew the use of illicit drugs/alcohol than use them.</p>
<p>dnt - can you provide some stats to back this up? I'm particularly interested in stats for residential college students. From what I've seen, unless you're talking about Brigham Young or some other exception, the percentage of students who drink is pretty high. I've seen in the 60-85% range. </p>
<p>Lots of kids drink and PRETEND to their parents that they don't. Not here. My kid is honest about it, and I've warned him (regularly) about the dangers. We've also had frank discussions about drinking and driving. He's a top student in his college with lots of interests. So ya think I should pull his tuition??? He's studying in Europe this summer (drinking age 18). Should I get a signed contract from him indicating that he will abstain from alcohol? Get real.</p>
<p>
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The truth is that more kids eschew the use of illicit drugs/alcohol than use them.
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</p>
<p>Thats an absolute lie. I dare you to even try backing that up.</p>
<p>Correlation does not mean causation, and its asinine of you to assume that a kid who drinks has bad parents.</p>
<p>I'm assuming your a parent, and that you most likely have a child that is in high school or college. I'm willing to bet you that your precious has most likely done alcohol.</p>