“Hang out after all the other parents have left”. In the case of mine, roommates parents stayed the entire first week and a half of school at a nearby hotel. Would be in the room when mine got back from class, lunch etc. on and off completely random and with no announcement prior to arrival. No room privacy or chance for both theirs and mine to bond first week. It was quite uncomfortable. Leave when you are supposed to leave.
@auntbea Pineapple ? dorm decor story is an epic tale (for everyone but the roommate and family). I think I’ll look now!
Both of our kids did the orientation that was scheduled right before classes started…a couple of days prior to the official move in days. In both cases they were allowed to move directly into their dorm rooms.
First kid, both parents went…stayed with relatives off campus. Did the parent orientation…and never saw the kid until the very last session which was a luncheon. Then we left town.
Kid two, I went alone, moved the kid into her room, stayed in a hotel for two nights for the orientation and then stayed two additional nights with a friend who lived nearby. Again…didn’t really see the kid except at the final picnic luncheon. I did give her a call on my way to the airport…
Both of our kids packed light, so moving in was no big deal.
When D2 moved in, the room across the hall was packed to the gills with stuff. Turned out only one girl had moved in…they thought since they brought everything, the other roommate would only need her clothes. Kind of humorous watching them take out shelving, loveseat, and many, many other items when the other girl arrived.
I’ll be the first to admit that my D19 has too much stuff packed to take to school. It’s a tiny room on the third floor with nearly nil storage. She insists she can make it work despite the video proof of the smallness of the space . I guess this is her lesson to learn- we are driving and we can fit it all in the car, so I’ll let the natural consequences play out and bring back what she doesn’t end up wanting to keep. I think I’ll be the one embarrassed when we have to unpack the car. Ha. I’m glad the school has a very clear window for parents to say goodbye, full stop. It’ll be easier on everyone. We are going a few days early to enjoy some museums, but are driving home directly from goodbye.
I agree about bringing too many people. We have a dear friend going off for the first time later this week and I know her entourage includes at least 7 people. I love her dearly and didn’t want to tell her not to bring that many people when I learned this at our goodbye lunch. I think it’s going to make it more stressful for her.
I think parents take too many photos and videos. The kids are used to it but it get tiresome and annoying to them especially when they are stressed.
I also agree to no lingering.
I heard a story about a family hiring a local handyman to meet them at the dorm room to install shelving, hang pictures, rejigger the closet etc.
These stories are awesome! My older S is a clothing diva and brought way too many. But it was his choice. For us, move in was anti-climatic. He moved in a week early because he did an orientation hiking trip. We hike now and then, but not overnight carrying stuff. And he needed emergency wisdom tooth surgery a few days before and then he had complications, and I may have cried and begged the pharmacy to give me the prescription after arriving 2 minutes after closing the night before we had to leave. He did not feel well at all that morning.
So we show up with a ton of stuff and I’m unpacking it in his drawers and making up the bed while he left to try to find the hiking gear he was to borrow. The plan was to unpack, then go to lunch, then say goodbye. I’m about 2/3 done when he rushes in and says they have to go now - see ya later bye. We all just looked at each other and left. And that was it - no cell service or contact for a week.
Decorate the student’s room. Let them hang their own pictures and posters!
Nothing wrong with parents helping kids put their room together, including decorating. My D and I worked together and it still took many hours to get it all done. She wouldn’t have wanted to do it by herself. I still go to help at the beginning and end of the school year.
Freshman year we were asked to stay to help make the lofted bed and take home extra bags. This year, D is moving herself in. She can only take what will fit in her car. She’s a bit nervous about raising her bed (not lofting) but she’ll figure it out (I have a feeling that her roommate’s dad will have it done for her as they arrive first and he’s a handy guy). D is worried about having to store the extra suitcases and such but she should have plenty of room under her bed against the wall. If not, she can lock them in the trunk of her car. It feels liberating not to have to help!
A thread for the ages, never gets old:
http://talk.qa.collegeconfidential.com/parent-cafe/2011338-roommate-brought-22-pillows-4-lamps-7-towels-and-a-large-ceramic-pineapple-p1.html
Don’t do this, and know when to leave (generally no later than the day after move-in, if not sooner). If there’s some kind of welcoming ceremony to which the family is invited, going to that and leaving shortly thereafter is a pretty good rule of thumb. Your kid is ready to make lots of new friends and acclimate themselves to the world of college; you’ll be seen as getting in the way of this if you overstay your welcome.
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@itsgettingreal17, I’m talking about a mom entirely decorating the room, not just helping. IMO there’s nothing wrong with “Honey, where to you want this poster?” What I find to be weird is parents who entirely take over the process as if their kid’s still 5.
I helped my current freshman put together her room but that mostly consisted of me carting boxes, putting things on hangers, putting sheets on the bed, and holding things up on the wall for her to level. She organized her photos and all her other personal items.
When my D15 moved into her freshman dorm at Pomona, I distinctly remember walking by a room that, like my D’s, was a small double. Two RA’s were firmly telling some parents that they had to take out the fancy padded leather swivel desk chair they had brought for their kid. The chair simply took up way too much room and encroached too much on the roommate’s ability to use the room.
My son’s college has new student move in start on Friday at 9:30 AM and all parents have to be off campus by 3:30 PM. After that the weekend is all ice breakers and events to get the students acquainted with classes starting on Monday. Since this is child #3 we’ll make sure everything is good, have lunch and head out. I’ll drive back since I know DW will be despondent to see the youngest start to fly solo.
The school DS is attending is only a 40 min drive from home. Each residence has a welcome team that unloads each student’s stuff and lugs it up to their room while the student takes care of admin. We’ll help DS unpack so we can take the storage bins and his suitcase back home with us but after that I imagine we will leave fairly quickly. I don’t want to get in the way of him getting to know his roommate and the longer we stay the harder it’s going to be for me to say good-bye.
When my daughter and her roommate were moving in, besides the girls there were four parents and one sibling in the room. Even that was way too many. If possible, try to arrange a schedule so that each student has some time to move stuff in when the other one is not around. It goes much more smoothly that way.
@MaineLonghorn that is super helpful. Maybe I’ll see if S19 wants to reach out to his roommate and see what time he’s planning to arrive. We don’t have set times to be at the dorm. Kids can move in any time after 9:00.
@sue22 a girl in my son’s class brought their interior decorator with them on move in day (I should say, her mom did!). I always imagine the roommate’s reaction to that one.
For my son’s Freshman year move in we opted for an early move in the night before. Since we were coming from far away we just wanted the extra time and less stress for him. We stayed and helped him figure out how everything stacked on the bed, hung up a few things, took some boxes back with us. As soon as it was done we left for awhile, met him for dinner (since almost no one was there yet). Dropped him off at the dorm and said bye. Since then he has done all move in/outs by himself.
I remember my freshman year my roommate had her interior decorator come up with a plan for the room and she told me what my half cost would be! Umm no, we didn’t have that money and it wasn’t in my budget. She could do what she wanted on her side of the room. (She opted for a private room second semester).