<p>What is the proper behavior of parents on move-in day. At my S's school, we were told to pull up to the loading dock and there will be students there to unload the car. I'm assuming that we're at least permitted a visit to the room before departing. But at that point, do parents hang around the room for a while with the kids? Do most parents help unpack, or do you leave that to the kids? Do we wait to see if they want everything that was brought (e.g. the tv stand and the trunk and the fan, etc.)? </p>
<p>I don't want to be 'in the way' or be accused of being too involved, but I don't want to be too aloof either. </p>
<p>Logistically, they have check-in from 10 - 2 and then they start with floor meetings at 4 (and a concurrent reception for new parents elsewhere to MAKE SURE the parents are out of the dorm). We have a 5 hour drive, so we're thinking we'll leave around 6 am. We'll get there around 11 - noon. So do we hang around helping? Do we go to the grocery store there and buy pop and snacks and make ourselves sparse? If we try to meet his roommates parents, are we being 'too involved'?</p>
<p>I'm sure you will get plenty of free advice and many "we did this" and "at our school parents did that" but I say just do whatever YOU feel is right, and if that gives your kid some eyerolling stories to tell later so be it. Maybe a few kids want to cherish these last few moments with mom and dad but most probably want their folks to leave post haste and can be downright rude about it. Too bad!</p>
<p>It really depends on the college. At both Ss' colleges, there was noone to help unload, and parents helped carry stuff up several flights of stairs (no elevator, either) and some stayed around to help unpack, put clothes away, make beds. Others made themselves scarce.<br>
We helped unpack because we wanted to take suitcases and boxes back home. There was absolutely no room for them to be stored anywhere in the dorm.</p>
<p>At Grinnell last year they had students who unpacked the car and carried stuff to the dorm room - it was over in 10 minutes. My daughter was the first to arrive and didn't want to unpack anything until her two roommates were there - in the end all the moms ended up making the beds for their daughters. They had a lot of programming - separate for the parents and the freshman - but we did spend most of the day on campus. I agree with the earlier poster who said do what feels right...</p>
<p>We were very involved in setting up DS' room his freshman year--we helped him unpack, then made our Bed Bath & Beyond run to pick up all the items we had pre-selected in our home city. Then back to the dorm, setting up all that stuff. Then we realized there was a 13 inch space on one wall where we could fit a bookcase. Back to BBB to buy a bookcase to fit in the space. Back to the dorm to set up. In contrast, roommate dropped stuff in the room with his parents and then the 3 of them left (we didn't know where); apparently roommate set up his own stuff later.</p>
<p>As another poster said, you should do what you're comfortable with--it's ok for you to stay and help, and it's also ok if your child wants to do it himself.</p>
<p>I agree with the "do what is right for your family" advice. Our kids wanted us to help them unload, and do some unpacking and things like setting up the computer/printer and making sure it worked...and then taking them out for a meal. But that may not work for you or your college student. Do what works for you.</p>
<p>I agree that do what works for your family. When my S moved in, we stayed and helped unpack and set up. My S was so overwhelmed with everything going on around him that he enjoyed the help-I did the "motherly" things like his clothes and sheets etc. while his dad helped with the electronic things. We even stayed overnight and had to make a couple of trips to Target, book store etc. My S's roommate by contrast, had his dad drop off the stuff on the steps of the dorm, never came in to help, let alone see the room. My husband wound up driving the roomie to the bookstore so he could pick up his books (he couldn't carry 2 heavy boxes back without our help) and ran to the store to get him a computer cable which he had forgotten. We actually felt a little sorry for the boy and we offered our help even the next day. Most of my friends have been staying and helping set up-I think it is appreciated by the student. However, discuss this with your child beforehand.</p>
<p>Apple17, you'll just instinctively know what to do, and do the right thing, when you get there. It will all be o.k. </p>
<p>First year, I did what everyone else who has already posted did. </p>
<p>Second year I will remember forever! D moved in very early (athlete); we were the only two people in the dorm, so, she invited me to spend the night on the roommate's bed instead of going to my hotel. I did so as the roommate was coming from Australia and not expect until the end of the week, and I was tired from a long drive plus a stop at UHaul storage, loading, unloading, etc. </p>
<p>I slept soundly, and woke up the next morning dying for coffee. I simply must have coffee in the morning. It was like 7:00 a.m., so I threw on a pair of shorts and a tshirt, and took the elevator down to the ground floor where I knew there would be a vending machine for coffee. Got the good stuff, got back on the elevator with some other parents. </p>
<p>On the ride up, one of the parents asked me "what year are you"? I said "sophomore", assuming she meant what year was my child. Then she said "did you enjoy yourself last year? is it easier for you now as a sophomore"? LOL! I'm like, 40-something, and she thought I was a college sophomore. Anyway, I've had a big head ever since. </p>
<p>My son's school also had helpers for move in day, but we kind of sneaked past them as he was not recognized - the picture he sent for orientation had him as clean-shaven, and he was bearded by orientation. As any rate, we schlepped the stuff to his room, did not make the bed, and then went to the resident master's tea.</p>
<p>Son's school has an opening convocation - then the students process (with bagpipes) out of the chapel and through the gates of their college. The parents are shunted away from the gate (by strategically placed upperclassmen with boxes of kleenex) and to the reception. And that's it - the fledgling is out of the nest.</p>
<p>You'll know when to leave because your child will give you "the look". This usually happens after someone else (roommate, floor counselor, etc) invites them somewhere, and they want to go, but they don't want you to feel bad about them leaving. So they give you "the look".</p>
<p>In my daughter's case, she agonized the whole trip to school that nooone would like her, that she wouldn't fit in, that she hated going, blah blah blah... Then she met her future roommates, and within 30 minutes - we got "the look". 'Mom - you can go now - I'll call you if I need anything."</p>
<p>And it helps to meet the roommate's parents and exchange contact info. Beyond that, just make the bed so he'll have someplace to fall into later and go with the flow... you'll know what to do.</p>
<p>LOVED your girfriend grr thread. My suggestion is jut to ask your son. WE did and it worked out great. We dropped off our son Saturday. The greeters that were touted in the university's web site and newsletters were nowhere to be found. We lugged everything up three stairways from the designated parking space, then up two flights of the dorm. My wife made the bed and stashed the clothes, etc, while my son and I hooked up the computer/printer/monitor and accessed the Unversity internet network. Then drove downtown for lunch and said goodbye while we went off to hear President's parent speech. Then Drove home.</p>
<p>Originally we had hotel reservations, plans to go to BBB, WM, etc but when we talked it over, it was clear he was ready to be dropped off and start being "a young man" not a child {funny, the Univ president gave us the same advice} My wife noticed that with about five thousand first year parents packing the auditorium all of whom had just moved their sons and daughters into the dorms, there were zero tears. </p>
<p>I will start another thread about whether it is different for daughters than sons</p>
<p>Ok, we took him to breakfast this morning and asked. He said he's fine with us help set up. It's funny, as we try to let him be in charge, I got the impression he'd feel more comfortable if I commanded 'We're ALL setting up and making the bed'. Then he would not have to admit that he wants the family to stick around and help him settle in. Having to own up to wanting parents' help is a big step (at least in this household).</p>
<p>But I know (from previous summer camp experiences) that 'look' as AnyMom calls it. That's why I started this thread. When I've dropped him off at camps, he never wanted help unpacking. We'd haul all his stuff to the room and he would say 'adios' and that's that. Now pickup was always a little different. Somehow we were always the last people to leave as he wasn't quite packed up when it was time to depart.</p>
<p>So I just wanted to check in with this group and see what the proper approach is. Glad to hear that there seems to be a flexibility in the parent role and it isn't 'drop them at the door and beat it'.</p>
<p>I don't know if I'll want to go to the parent's reception. I'm thinking I might want to just get in the car and drive home. At that point maybe I'll just want to wallow in my sadness at letting go of my one and only...</p>
<p>I understand wanting to go straight home, especially with a long drive ahead of you. Try to find out if the parent's reception is mostly social and designed so parents won't feel shunted aside, or if there will be some substance to it. My experience with our son's college was that when they planned parent events, it was beneficial to attend because we learned helpful or interesting information.</p>
<p>We're just back.
We went on Thursday, stayed three nights, did not hang at dorm, but toured area and college. Participated in several parent events, as well as student-parent eventgs. Some planned by college, some by athletic team, and some by our townhouse group of parents and kids. </p>
<p>Problem is I wanted to stay and go to college again myself!</p>