<p>Parents PLEASE help and advice on how we (my husband and I) should react to our daughter's Early Decision result on Dec. 15. As our first child with parents with no experience on what to say and do when our daughter receives her email on Dec. 15, PLEASE advice on what we should say or do...</p>
<p>I would, first, take a look at the admissions statistics for the school. What are the % admitted ED overall? With her stats? What does Naviance say?</p>
<p>With that data in hand, I would have a discussion with D AHEAD of time, letting her know this info. Explain the numbers to her, and tell her she did her part, and now it is out of her hands. The wisdom of the Serenity Prayer comes to mind.</p>
<p>Then support her when the result arrives.</p>
<p>My point is that if it is a low percentage chance, prepare her for that ahead of time, so it does not look like you are back-filling after the fact.</p>
<p>My 2 cents.</p>
<p>Good luck!</p>
<p>Um…I would let your daughter do the reacting…and then support her reaction. If she gets accepted, you can be cheerfully supportive. If she is denied, let her have some time to feel badly…it won’t last. Then make sure her RD applications are ready to submit.</p>
<p>Did she apply to a rolling admissions school as well…and does she already have an acceptance there?</p>
<p>Consider that possibly your reaction is not very important. It’s her event.</p>
<p>I was in the hospital when my daughter got her ED acceptance. Because of the alterations in family responsibilities and general chaos associated with my absence, her acceptance went almost unnoticed. It didn’t seem to matter. She was delighted to have the admissions process over with, and that’s what mattered.</p>
<p>Your reaction will come naturally more than likely. And yes, in general you should follow her lead.</p>
<p>If she gets it, it is easy…just support and happiness. When my D’s ED acceptance came (it came snail mail on a Saturday afternoon) she tore it open, we hugged, and she then almost immediately ran up to her room to call her friends and that was the last I saw of her for a few hours I think. I think she felt a mixture of happiness and relief that the process was over. We did drive to the school (not terribly far) and do some shopping over her winter break (I have a strict rule about not buying clothes from a school until you knew you will be going so buying that first hoodie and t-shirt is kind of a rite of passage in my house).</p>
<p>If she doesn’t get in I’d tell her that you are sorry, that it is the school’s loss, and if it was a reach school, remind her that you knew it was a stretch. Some kids need a few days to kind of “sulk” about it, but after that you would need to tell her it is time to take a deep breath, move on, and look at the other amazing alternatives that are available. There are so many great schools out there…</p>
<p>Undesirable reactions:</p>
<p>To an acceptance: “I hope you don’t change your mind between now and April.”</p>
<p>To a rejection: “If you’d worked harder on your essay, maybe things would have turned out differently.”</p>
<p>These thoughts, or others like them, may occur to you. Stifle them.</p>
<p>This has been on my mind as well, since I have a child who is an ED applicant. I agree with the advice to follow your child’s lead. My D and I have talked on and off about the fact that every year it seems like highly qualified candidates are rejected, and it’s possible she will be one of those. In fact, we looked at last year’s ED thread for her college and saw one applicant in particular who seemed super qualified but was rejected. But we also noticed that he ended up getting into lots of great schools in the RD cycle. </p>
<p>The main thing we did was to have her other applications ready, including some that have already been submitted RD and others that are “on hold” but ready to go. They are schools that she likes. Dec 15 is finals week and then Winter Break. We didn’t want to be scrambling for other choices or making her write more essays during finals week, so we basically prepared for a rejection, but hope for an acceptance.</p>
<p>Am also thinking of this because I have a very overconfident D who thinks getting in ED ar her #1 school is going to be a snap. It’s not a true “reach” school but it still pretty competitive. She does have good stats and ECs but her SAT score was not as great as she could have gotten (based on her huge PSAT) and she hasn’t taken the ACT yet. I do think it is highly likely she will be accepted but there is certainly a nonzero chance she won’t. The only thing we have cautioned her on is that we may not be able to afford it if the school doesn’t offer enough FA. But if she doesn’t get in at all? She will be devastated and I cannot even get her to consider it a possibility right now. She has only applied to one other school so far and that was because it had a scholarship deadline of Dec. 1. </p>
<p>@honestmom Yikes! Your scenario would worry me. Applying ED “in the dark” and not knowing if it will be affordable seems risky. I hope it works our well for your D!</p>
<p>Honestmom…just my opinion…but your daughter will be more devastated if she is accepted and the money isn’t forthcoming…and she can’t attend.</p>
<p>Well, I may have been a bit misleading…we did the NPC for D’s #1 school and it came out with a hefty scholarship and a net price JUST on the edge of what we think we can realistically afford. It’s near home too, so if push came to shove she could realistically commute and save some money. She missed a National Merit Finalist and an automatic full tuition scholarship to this school by one point on her PSAT, so she is hopeful for a big offer. She insists that she will be just fine going to affordable State U., but it isn’t a very academically challenging school and unless she wants to stay here (and she doesn’t) it isn’t the best option as far as employment in her field. I was actually surprised she decided to apply ED, which is not binding at this school, but she liked the idea of having an offer in hand by January because most of her other schools have application deadlines of February 1 and notifications April 1. Most of her friends have strong favorite schools and are already getting some ED acceptances, so she felt left out. </p>
<p>ED (early decision) isn’t binding? I thought it was everywhere</p>
<p>She might have applied EA…early action…which is not binding.</p>
<p>@sunflower69 - I had this concern last year as well. It’s easy to know how to react if your child gets accepted or rejected. However, what I worried about was what came to fruition - a deferral. So, please remember to throw that possibility into your thinking as well. This was to an REA school. Do ED schools defer as well??? I am making that assumption, so if they don’t, then ignore the rest of this post! It is important to know what percentage of students are usually deferred. Many top schools defer close to 80%. I hate that. Ds’s school only defers a very small number, so from that standpoint it “means” a bit more to be deferred. Ds was pretty disappointed in his deferral, but I was thrilled! <em>I</em> knew he was still in the hunt, and in a hunt that meant something since such a small number are deferred and the chance for admission RD as a deferree (sp? - is that a word?), though low, was going to be significantly higher than plain old RD applicants. That isn’t necessarily true everywhere, and I probably would have reacted differently had ds been deferred from a school that defers a LOT of applicants from the early round. I gave him a big hug and told him how proud I was of him and later I sent him a link via e-mail to the REA results thread for that school here on CC so he could see for himself just how <em>seemingly</em> random decisions are. I didn’t <em>tell</em> him to do read it - just sent the link. The next morning at breakfast he commented that reading through that thread that had made him feel better AND wonder how he managed to get deferred instead of rejected! Happily, he went from deferred to admitted in RD, and he is a happy frosh at that school now. But it was a loooooong winter. Good luck!</p>
<p>My thoughts exactly @thumper1. When my D applied to one school ED, she and I got an email that was very stern about ED… binding, don’t count on aid, etc, etc. We opted to roll it to RD just to be safe. </p>
<p>So she applied EA, not ED. <em>whew</em> EA is non-binding, ED is binding.</p>
<p>All this terminology is very confusing, to say the least.</p>
<p>I hope it all turns out great for her.</p>
<p>My question about ED was to Honestmom…who did not reply to the question. She says her kid applied ED and it is not binding. </p>
<p>I would like to know the name of the college that has NON binding ED.</p>
<p>I am unaware of any school that has non-binding ED. As a teacher, I know the GC signs off on ED agreements and no other materials (transcripts, school reports, LOR) may be sent AFTER an ED acceptance. If a student has applied to other schools already and an ED acceptance comes in, a student must withdraw other applications and say no to other acceptances. The only “out” is financial and must be fully shown as such. The documents are clear and legal contracts.</p>
<p>We, too, are biting our nails and waiting for an ED decision. We weren’t going to apply ED anywhere - I was too terrified of the financial implications - but our guidance counselor said that based on the list of colleges we were applying to, we would likely get similar offers of aid from them all and that my D’s first choice school usually has good aid so we would lose nothing by going ED if it was really her first choice.We’ve done several visits to all her choices(and her sisters - we are dealing with twins but one chose to only do EA or regular) and this remained her #1 choice. I know that nothing we can say or do will help if she gets deferred or denied - but she has applied EA and regular to other schools so even though she said it would be the end of the world if she didn’t get her first choice, she also knows there are other schools she liked, she’s just terrified about getting into any of them. We also sent no SAT scores - she doesn’t test well (they weren’t terrible, but not a true reflection) but she also is highly opposed to standardized testing as a rule(and is highly opinionated - would only apply to test optional schools!).</p>
<p>I think it is important to stay as positive as possible - I know it is eating away at the heart of parents and students alike, but we have to be the brave ones and let them know that no matter what, it is all going to work out somehow and that they can thrive in a variety of places. This whole process has been so much more stressful and draining than I ever imagined(maybe because I’m doing it times two, but there are two sets of triplets in my girls’ grade as well - those poor souls). You aren’t alone!</p>
<p>I feel for you. Last year my D was waiting for her SCEA from Yale. Now as a Yale alumni, I knew in my heart I was going to be very salty if she did not get in, but also know that 80% of legacies don’t. I was terrified. When Harvard’s came out a few days before, I was happy that her best friend got in and happy for the mom. Secretly I was hoping for the same outcome and kind of jealous.</p>
<p>The day the decisions came out (December 16), I was sick to my stomach all day. Did not tell my D that. Just kept telling her it would be okay. She had already seen the very public meltdowns of other kids in her high achieving independent school when rejects or deferrals were received.</p>
<p>Flash forward to 5:00. I told her not to open the link alone but to wait for me to pick her up. She did not want to open it at school so we drove around the corner, she opened her laptop and prepared to hit the link.</p>
<p>All you can do if she does not get in is to let her deal with it on her terms and be there for support. What direction that support takes is based upon your relationship with her up to now. However, for our high powered kids, a college rejection is sometimes the first time anyone has ever told them NO. And, the first time mommy and daddy can’t swoop in to fix it. Welcome to the real world. This is a hard lesson both parents and child have to learn as it is a first for us too.</p>
<p>So, either have something to celebrate (I actually had champagne in the trunk which would have stayed there if she didn’t get in) or do whatever you did with her when she was younger to make her feel better after a disappointment. Give her some time to grieve, then tell her to move on to Plan B. </p>
<p>BTW - I do not envy any of you your position right now. Good luck to all.</p>
<p>eerboco, applications do not need to be withdrawn immediately upon the ED acceptance, the family gets to decide if the financial aid is enough first. If not, the family can say no to the ED offer (they do not have to prove any financial information).</p>