<p>I had symptoms of an eating disorder for about a decade (from age 9 to 19). I started dieting at the age of nine and it took over my life by age 12. At 15, I attempted to recover on my own, and ended up binging instead. Rapidly gained weight over the next six months or so, lost it even faster after that summer, and then gained it back again that winter. Started exercising compulsively (I was an athlete before, so used to huge amounts of exercise, but this time the exercise was downright compulsive). Finally sought treatment at the age of 18 and started weekly visits with therapist and dietitian. Started to think I had finally got the hang of things at age 19 and didn’t eat very much at all because I didn’t feel hungry. Lost a few pounds accidentally at first, which started the ED thoughts again, and it was all downhill from there.</p>
<p>I’ve been in recovery for about a year now. I had minor relapses last February and April (due to family issues), but solid nutrition since that last relapse. I am competing at a high-level again (in a different sport) and have developed more effective coping mechanisms. I have a life outside of food now and intuitively eat most of the time. During periods of high stress, I will occasionally resort back to following my meal plan, as I lose my appetite and know I can not rely on hunger cues alone during those times. Most of the time,though, I feel privileged to be so in tune with my body’s natural cues. I don’t resort to eating (or not eating) to deal with feelings, which I believe is way more rare in our society than it should be. </p>
<p>At my last weigh-in, I was down 2 ounces since October, which is nothing in the grand scheme of things. My doctors are very excited; at this time last year, all were urging me to seek inpatient treatment. I was routinely medically unstable, as a result of the malnutrition, and was told at various points that the ED would kill me very soon. They told me it would most likely be my heart (which was beating about 30% as fast as a “normal” heart) or maybe my electrolytes (also too low). Either way, it wouldn’t end well.</p>
<p>I’ve got way more to say about this topic, but will stop now…</p>