Hey guys could you please rate and comment my Emory Essay… Please be brutal and critical; that would be much appreciated.
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What motivates you to learn? ( Upto 150 words)
India, with 74% of the population who are literate, has the highest illiterate population in the world. However, I am lucky enough to have been born in a family who are stable enough to give me a high-quality education.
That is why I do not want to waste this opportunity God has bestowed upon me. I hope to capitalise on it… not capitalise in the meaning of becoming a rich person playing minigolf on his private plane to the Hamptons. But capitalise in the sense to going back to India and giving all my fellow citizens the chance that I was fortunate enough to have.
This the dream that keeps me up at night.
That is why I want to learn; why I have to learn : to serve my country.
It looks fine, except the following: “not capitalise in the meaning of becoming a rich person playing minigolf on his private plane to the Hamptons.”. It comes across as negative. Also, there is nothing wrong being rich…rich help too (e.g. Warren Buffett, Bill Gates).
hmmm… i was trying to add satire… does it come across as offensive??
I don’t think it comes across as offensive. Just that it is better to take a positive tone, rather than a negative one. You may want to share a little on how Emory can help with your goals.
Just one quick word of advice @Pakshal Mehta. Despite what school’s may say about the role of CC for applicants going through the admissions process, the fact of the matter is that Admissions Committee members absolutely do review CC postings for their respective schools.
Posting an essay response and looking for feedback on CC may well be frowned upon by Emory University. Some Ad Comm members are anal retentive enough to remember they saw this sample essay response on CC and could see it as a negative.
Basically – just be really careful here. Your application submission is your work, and so don’t do anything to jeopardize that perception. Good luck in your application process, by the way!