<p>My son initiated our boarding school search, and my daughter has been completely uninterested. Fortunately or unfortunately - and I really can't decide which - she fell in love with the school we visited yesterday, and suddenly she is excited by the opportunities that boarding school would offer and may want apply to other schools as well as the one we just toured. My son told her that he will go to any school she gets into if he gets in as well.</p>
<p>I had somewhat adapted to the idea of our son going away, but the thought of losing them both at once, 4 years before I expected it to happen, is hitting me hard. Of course, I don't know whether this will even happen, but it is certainly very possible. So how have you prep school parents coped with empty nest syndrome?</p>
<p>I am coping with it now. It is hard, but mostly in ways I didn’t consider. I am ok with her being physically out of the house. She is an independent sort and is always on the go even when she is home. </p>
<p>What I DIDN’T count on is the “not being needed” part of it. She is doing fine and I miss her way more than she misses me. That is a good thing, BTW, because it means we did the right thing in letting her go as well as being confident we chose the right school.</p>
<p>Do I have any advice? Not really – I am sorry. I try to focus on the fact that this is absolutely the right thing for her. I will caution you that you may feel like you “got fired”… LOL </p>
<p>The technology of today helps immensely. You have the option of texting/snapchatting/Skype/phone etc. Not to mention that most schools are good about posting photos and write-ups. It isn’t the same as them being home 24/7 but it does mean you can feel more connected.</p>
<p>Will you be very far away? We are more than a day’s drive so popping in for games, etc. is not really possible. The good part about the empty nest is that if I can get a cheap flight, I can just hop on and go… no worries about coordinating care at home…</p>
<p>Good luck to you all. It would be nice if the kids were together! </p>
<p>Not very helpful, I know. But I am happy to commiserate!! :-)</p>
<p>It is hard for me. In my younger years I had an empty nest for part of a year and welcomed it, because I had been single-parenting for so long and needed time to myself. Im older now and have had more alone time, even though the single parenting has continued. Now its just me and the dog. Unfortunately I am in a new location so I dont have a ready-made group of friends and find its hard to strike up new friendships.</p>
<p>Im grateful that I have the company of the dog but she does keep me from doing some things, such as hiking with a group which would involve being gone 12 hours and hiking where dogs are not allowed.</p>
<p>I work fulltime and just try to stay busy. Ive joined some book clubs and took up bicycling again. Theres plenty of time for reading and projects. </p>
<p>I live REALLY far away from where my D goes to school and my other (grown) kids are scattered across the continent. I have made it to three parent weekends so far (in 2 academic years) and find them well worth the cost and effort. Seeing how happy D is at school reinforces my conviction that were doing the right thing.</p>
<p>My situation is a little odd because with no children at home, I would like to live elsewhere, but because Ds noncustodial parent lives here I need to stay here to be the connection. (I dont want to go into all the personal details, and Ive searched for other solutions, but it always comes back to me staying here till D graduates.)</p>
<p>I know some other cc parents have said to be sure to consider your other local possibilities. For us, there were none, just a run of the mill public school which D had been enduring already for many years.</p>
<p>If your kids want to go to BS and you think it will serve them well, go for it, and just look at the empty nest as part of what you are doing for your kids. Its an adjustment, but it was on the horizon anyway.</p>
<p>Thank you both for commiserating! Not being needed will be very hard, and it would be even worse if she feels she does need me and I’m not there. I joke that my son only wants me for food and hugs, and I’m pretty confident that he will be fine away from home, but (I think) my daughter still really needs her mama. I’m sure the technology will help, as you pointed out, London, but still…</p>
<p>You are right, Alooknac, that I have to think of it as doing what is best for them. But I think it will be as hard to get used to not having them here as it was to get used to having them 13 years ago. :-)</p>
<p>I love that thread. One empty nest perk rarely mentioned is the opportunity to tackle household projects. There’s nothing like cleaning out a closet without a kid standing behind you saying, No! We have to keep that! That was my favorite toy (when I was three!!!)! Or the thrill of purging other areas of the house when no one else is looking…They’ll never know… will they.</p>
<p>My latest project has been painting a room. Okay… it’s a room people rarely go into, but seriously how hard can it be? I watched a video! I read magazines! I talked with my paint store representative!!</p>
<p>All in all, the most helpful advice I can give before you embark on any (empty nest) household project is: Raid your child’s playlist. You will find that by playing thier music (loudly) you’ll be cutting project time in half. Just don’t get caught…</p>
<p>PhotographerDad came home earlier than usual one night last week and caught me painting and dancing around to the sounds of One Republic. You know: Counting Stars: “Take that money watch it burn…”</p>
<p>I’m a little too old to be dancing around the house (or anywhere else for that matter), but when he said… Wow, haven’t seen that move in 20 years- I just had to laugh.</p>
<p>Yet… for the rest of the evening he kept saying (over and over), Take that money watch it burn? Seriously, what is that?? So funny. It’s not John Lennon, honey!!</p>
<p>twinsmama, You may not think so at first, but having an empty nest does get easier with time! Once you get past those jarring first few weeks/ months, you’ll begin to settle into a different rhythm. Nothing important ever changes. In fact, it’s been my experience that those things that we cherish most only get stronger. </p>
<p>You’ll be cleaning closets, painting rooms and listening to music (you can’t believe you like ) in no time! :)</p>
<p>Yeah, I can’t imagine listening to any music after 1980 (except Bee Gees).</p>
<p>Sadly, ChoatieDad and I have begun to start cleaning out the house and garage with an eye to downsizing one final time after CK graduates. It will take several garage sales and some Craig’s listings to slip into that smaller footprint, but the process has begun, so I’m going room to room just “stayin’ alive.” </p>
<p>PhotographerMom: You said it—those toys are outta here.</p>
<p>ChoatieKid: If you’re reading this, you don’t need six light sabers. Get back to work!</p>
<p>Well, I have to admit, this Early Onset Empty Nest Syndrome has really given me the blues. I’m a single parent and D is my only, so it has been a huge adjustment. This past weekend I found out that my closest friend is relocating outside the US, and that sure didn’t cheer me up… LOL This time of year is tough, we have so many traditions that have to do with autumn, and it is weird to find myself doing them alone… carving pumpkins and making those Halloween candy baggies is just no fun without her! I did get a chance to see her play field hockey on Saturday, which was great… and had about 30 seconds to give her a hug and hand her a snack before she got on the team bus. Of course, I am thrilled that she is so happy and busy and seems to have nice friends from about ten different countries. Please, keep telling me that it gets easier!! Meanwhile, I’ll just have to keep listening to the cat, who has done nothing but sit on D’s bed and wail since the last time she was home. I am REALLY looking forward to Thanksgiving!!</p>
<p>I try never to think or say that D is gone for the year or 9 months. At dropoff in Aug/Sept, it was just 6 weeks to Parents Weekend–doable. Then just a month or 6 weeks till Thanksgiving, and D has more than a week off. Then just a few weeks and it’s the long winter break. Whew! Made it through the fall!</p>
<p>Then another 2 months and it’s Spring Break (quite long at her school) followed by Parents Weekend and before you know it, it’s summer. D is hoping to go on a school trip over Spring Break 2014 in which case I won’t see her at all that time…that will be hard, ya just gotta think of the great experiences they’re having and grin and bear it.</p>
<p>Last fall I pulled up horrible carpet in my bedroom which was covering up the original wood floor. I piled all my furniture in D’s room and could work at the project at an easy pace.</p>
<p>I find that preparing Care packages makes me feel better and she loves getting them. Apparently a lot of the kids that live closer don’t get Care packages. D said everybody is interested when she walks across campus with a big box that arrived in the mail.</p>
<p>My heart goes out to you Cameo- Halloween was a big one for us, too! It was almost as big as Christmas for a really long time!</p>
<p>I asked my kids if they wanted anything special for when they arrive home (Thanksgiving Break ) and they both said the same thing: chili and a fire in the fireplace :)</p>
<p>Thanksgiving will be here before you know it!</p>
<p>Cameo: I am in a similar situation. My husband works very long hours (someone has to pay for school!) and she is my only child. So I can relate. I must say my approach so far is very similar to Alooknac’s. I am fine unless I think about the fact that she is “gone”. The first bit up until Parents Weekend was WAY harder than now. I think seeing her in situ made it better. Only 3 more weeks and she is home for 9 days. I love the long breaks. It does help knowing she is happy. And I am enjoying being a slug around the house… Hoping to get fired up enough to do some projects but for now the slug thing is working! :-)</p>
And to the Baystatekids- your rooms are next!</p>