<p>Hey guys just wanted you to give me feed back on a short essay we have to write as a intro thing for class.</p>
<pre><code> I'm sometimes a penguin basking in the winter snow,the arctic wind blowing on my smooth dark skin with nothing but joyful thoughts. I'm somtimes a camel overcoming the blazing heat, and even when it's so scorching that clouds dry out i'm still pacing through the roads untill I reach my destination. I'm sometimes Google, when anyone is looking for answers or assistance i'm their to search. Sometimes I'm a helpless penicl ,lost from the pouche lying on the floor until I am found again . Sometimes I am a tree, quiet and still but when payed attention to you will think otherwise. Most of the time I'm just space, still a mystery with many things yet to be discovered.
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<p>I agree with littlemermaid, but it’s really good. I’m not really sure what to think. Its different (good). It will get your english teachers attention because it is (good).</p>
<p>^Agreed. That would be helpful. Traditionally people save the metaphorical stuff for assignments later in the year. It’s good, but sometimes teachers are odd about that stuff.</p>
<p>hmm. did she specify that she wanted it to be particularly creative or did she act as if it were more of an ‘about me’ kind of assignment. first impressions are important and you dont want her to think you are avoiding writing a more thorough answer. as well written as it is, i feel that your speech is too vague.</p>
<p>the directions she gives us is vague not much else but also that presenting the essay to the class shouldn’t take more than a minute because we are going to be reading these to the class on the first day.</p>
<p>You have to read these out loud? I would hate that teacher. </p>
<p>Well, I guess if the teacher (and students) don’t know who you are then it should be more straightforward. But if they do know you, then try out the original that you posted. Have you asked your classmates how they’re approaching this?</p>
<p>Yes I read this to one of my friends he said it was good but deep and he wouldn’t want to read it to the class but hand it in to the teacher. I just wanted to make a good impression on the teacher.</p>
<p>No offense, but if someone in my class were reading this, I would be working hard to stifle down laughter (I have trouble controlling this type of thing). You’re trying to hit people over the head with metaphors that make you out as a sort of a misunderstood gem with intense thought process. Tone it down a bit, rework some sentences so it’s not all the same, and try to make it a bit less cosmic. You’re not a penguin, camel, or a search engine, you’re a person.</p>