<p>Hi everyone, I'm not sure if this is the right topic... if not can a mod move it for me? Thanks. I'm applying for this university that I really like, and I want to see how my essay is. Can you guys give me some advice, and please be honest because I don't mind being hurt :D. Thanks again!</p>
<p>Essay topic: Tell us a story from your life, describing an experience that either demonstrates your character or helped to shape it.</p>
<p>My essay:</p>
<pre><code>Stepping out of my first plane ride, I experienced an epiphany of new culture, which seems to me as a whole new world. Buzzing around my ears were conversations in an unfamiliar language that intrigues me. It then struck me that after twenty hours of a perpetual plane ride that I finally arrived in The United States of America, a country full of new opportunities. It was this moment that I realized how diverse and big this world is. This is the story of my new life in America.
A mere two weeks passed by since the day of my arrival to my new home before the start of second grade. I struggle to learn basic phrase before the start of school, phrases such as May I use the restroom? and What is this? After timeless tries, my aunt, who already knows English, came up with an idea to write the phrases down on pieces of papers. I would have to hand the teacher pieces of paper which matches to what I needed in order to communicate with her. The idea makes me feel embarrassed, but knowing that its the only way possible for me to get my needs to my teacher, I agreed to the plan.
Days after days, weeks after weeks, my fellow classmates would laugh at me whenever I took a piece of paper out from my bag saying I needed something. After so many incidents, Im determined with myself to learn this foreign language and prove to people that Im not lost in this country. Every day afterschool I would ask my family to help me with my English. One year later, Im beginning to be able to understand what people around me were saying, and could do basic communications with people. School came to me as an enjoying part of my day, something I look forward to when going to bed, and its an opportunity, a gift for me to learn the language of this new country.
An event that happened in fifth grade, one that really shaped the way I am. It was the Math Is Cool competition. I was a very shy person, afraid of people around me and dare not to work with anyone. My classmate knew that I excel at math and wanted me to be a part of their team. Time passes by and its getting closer and closer to the first practice for the competition. A part of me wants to be a part of the team, but a bigger part of me says no because Im too shy. Every day, my classmate would try and talk me into it. After some time, I finally gave in and gave myself a try. After many practices, it was time for the actual competition.
It was a Friday evening, our team gathered before the competition starts in a couple of minutes. We all gave good lucks to one another and off we are to the competition. After what seems like days, it was the award ceremony, we are able to see our results. The results didnt look very good to us; we didnt even make it to top 10. Our team is disappointed, but happy at the same time. We are happy because we were able to work as a team and have fun. Something that seems impossible for me to do, but I did it. I overcome my fear of people.
If there was one thing that I should learn from that competition, it was the value of teamwork. Each one of us is not perfect, but we are good at something. When all of us work together, that something becomes one, and thats when real knowledge appears. From that day on, I value the chances to work with people. Pursuing personal knowledge is wonderful, but sharing that knowledge with people and learning from them is even greater. It was then that I realize to myself that my greatest joy is working with people.
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