<p>here's the situation. I'm an admitted student at umich engineering. I have accumulated over 30 k in scholarships and i know that umich is my top choice. my parents, however, are ultra conservative. I have never done anything to break their trust, yet they treat me like I'm 3. I'm not allowed to go anywhere ever. they don't even know I applied to UM. they won't let me go anywhere but a local community college here in Arizona.*
I have a few friends in Michigan that are gonna help me move up there; basically I'm planning on going anyway<em>(I'm 18 in June) ,and paying for it on my own with scholarships and loans. but before i do this, I need to visit Michigan myself before may 1 just to see if I'm making the right decision. even after may or June is fine. I can pay, get a ticket,& accommodate on my own. the only problem is i can't think of an excuse for not being physically present for about 3-4 days. i have friends willing to drop me off at the airport. any ideas?</em></p>
<p>As a mom who leans toward the controlling side (but not as much as yours), I highly discourage you from just disappearing for a few days. I can understand the desire to avoid conflict, but you must show maturity and have that conversation.</p>
<p>After all, if you think disappearing for a few days is tough… how are you going to explain all school year?? That unpleasant conversation is going to have to happen in the near future, so do it sooner, rather than later.</p>
<p>You are obviously a bright young person. Hopefully your parents will see that UMich Engineering offers you career opportunities that “just” a community college doesn’t. Stay calm, maybe say something like:</p>
<p>“Mom and Dad, I appreciate all that you’ve done for me. I know you want me to stay here at the local community college and it makes me uncomfortable disappointing you. But I’ve been accepted to the College of Engineering at the University of Michigan, which is a fantastic program. I intend to go and to finance it myself with scholarships and loans. I’ll be going to visit UM in June for a few days. I’m really sorry my decision upsets you. I hope that you will see what a great opportunity it is for me and be supportive.”</p>
<p>Best of luck! Please let us know how it goes.</p>
<p>^^ Agree with Village Mom. To have worked as hard as you have, and accomplished so much, takes tremendous discipline and maturity. Don’t blow it by taking the immature/easy way out now. It will be hard & perhaps scary to have this conversation - but you need to do it. Be brave & demonstrate your maturity to them. Yes, they may try to talk you out of it, yell or scream (do you fear worse?) but if you remain calm & matter-of-fact they won’t have a choice but to eventually accept your decision.</p>
<p>Even with your awesome amount of scholarships (and that is FABULOUS and a credit to your obvious smarts and hard work) you are still a good bit short of OOS costs for UMich. Are your scholarships renewable every year? And are you sure you can qualify for enough in loans to cover the rest? And yes, you do need to visit and make a decision by May 1st. I think you really need to sit down with your folks and have an honest conversation… they may surprise you, and even if they don’t, it’s not going to help you in the long run to be deceitful. I’m sure they love you very much, and feel they have their own reasons for not considering other options. But presented with a well thought out alternative and plan, they may see it in a different light. Good luck!</p>
<p>I wouldn’t recommend lying to your parents. If they don’t know about your opportunity are you sure they will object?</p>
<p>Do you have grandparents who could soften them up for you? Perhaps if they treated your parents like they are treating you, the grandparents could talk them into letting you go.</p>
<p>Before you take the “I’m 18 and I can do what I want” approach, I would consider the consequences of alienating yourself from your parents.</p>
<p>I’ve had several discussions with my parents, they won’t come around. But thanks for the suggestions</p>
<p>Assuming your story is real, how about getting another adult involved, like a teacher or principal of your school (preferably someone they know), to help explain the situation, your talents, and having the “opportunity of a lifetime”…</p>
<p>Like grandparents idea, but maybe an aunt or uncle would be more enlightened also…</p>
<p>You are 18 and you have the cash, you can do what you want, but your parents should informed of you plans and whereabouts. You certainly do not need their approval, but even if you have secured $30k in scholarships (I am assuming this is annually), how are you going to cover the remaining $20+k annually? You cannot take out a loan without a co-signer.</p>
<p>lionsandtigers - per your earlier post it sure seems like your parents know of your Michigan interest and are reasonable - at least you thought so when you posted the below message. Which is it?.. something isn’t adding up.</p>
<p>“Oh. Well I think we can all guess what happened then, lol, but no assumptions. Anyway, I really feel bad for what has happened to you. I know if it were my parents, they would eventually come around because they know how badly I want to go to UMich. But UT will not be bad, especially since you are from Texas. It’s more or less the same, I suppose. If you still really want to go to Michigan, suck up until it hurts and when you find out your acceptance, talk to your parents and BRING SOMEONE WITH YOU because then they will listen to you and not just lecture/yell at you (at least in my case). GL!”</p>
<p>Interesting, Bigdoglover. I suspect that there is much more to this story. What parent is arbitrarily going to limit their child to a local community college when he’s been accepted to a prestigious bachelor’s program?</p>
<p>I’m still in the “crying daily with relief and gratitude” stage since my son was accepted two weeks ago.</p>
<p>Not sure what is going on but I felt so bad for this kid when I read his initial post - like really bad, I was in disbelief. Now who knows what to think…</p>
<p>I suspect we won’t hear from lionsandtigers anytime soon!</p>
<p>I was saying that as if I was in the position of the OP of that thread’s post…that thread was not about me. If I had done something like what she had done, then my parents would eventually forgive me. I have never gotten into trouble like that before. Not sure why I would craft up this story, or anybody, for that matter.</p>
<p>But you said that your parents would “eventually come around because they know how badly you want to go to UMich”. Then you said that they won’t come around.</p>
<p>So will they or not? And while you may have had conversations with them already, it’s time for one more. Help us to understand what your parents say are the reasons why you can’t go to UM.</p>
<p>lionsandtigers…this is all very, very vague. And you haven’t responded to any suggestions. Why can’t your principal talk to your parents? What would you say a week after you move when you in your initial post suggested you’d just have to have a story for a few days (as opposed to a semester)? What exactly is the issue that your parents have? If you’ve been a high achiever throughout high school I imagine they have encountered people in the outside world who think you can do big things. Or do they live in a vacuum and never leave the house? Stories like this start making even less sense when one considers all the details that are NOT present in the telling. You wouldn’t happen to know a guy named Mikejohnson, would you?</p>
<p>I think you should go for it, if that’s what you want to do. Your parents might freak at first, but they might also gain respect for your capabilities and learn to let go. I think you should find some way to not bombshell it on them though, unless they’re so overbearing you just don’t care. </p>
<p>If your heart is set on Michigan, you don’t need to visit. A lot of us don’t until orientation. You’ll still need to explain that absence to them. I’m wondering how you have friends in Michigan yet can’t ever go anywhere but anyway, I don’t see the dilemma. You have the means and will be 18.</p>
<p>Explaining the absence won’t be the biggest problem. Coming up with the other $20,000 per year will be the problem. And that’s assuming the $30K received is per year. If it’s only for the first year, how is the OP going to come up with enough to pay for it? Can’t do it without an adult co signer.</p>
<p>steellord, “don’t see the dilemma”??? You’re kidding, right?</p>
<p>First of all, I doubt the story is even true. Too vague, makes no sense, and no way someone this talented has not had the underlying issue come up way before now and/or had other adults like from the school system weighing in.</p>
<p>That said, if true, I don’t buy the “you’re 18, you can do what you want” advice. Clearly the kid doesn’t have a thoughtful plan of action when he’s wondering how to explain the initial few days absence. I know Michigan is incredible but I think the desire to say Michigan is great enough to suffer any repurcussions almost or may border on irresponsible. How do you calculate, or how can you give that kind of advice, without calculating the psychological maturity and psychological resources to effectively handle potentially very serious alienation from the family? Put it this way, there is nothing in the kid’s posts to indicate that type of maturity is there.</p>
<p>This is an unrealistic scenario. The only possibility for OP is for him to convince his parents to allow him to go, or to forfeit guardianship to someone else so he can get a cosign for a loan (in which case taking 20k out per year is still ill-advised). Otherwise, the financial barrier is too large.</p>
<p>IMHO, these odd scenarios that come up every now and then here, usually are often-times based on religion. For some reason, the parents think that it would be improper under the tenants of their religion for their child to go to a certain school. If that is the reason, it is difficult for the child to have a rational discussion. I mean between God and the kid, the kid is gonna lose.</p>