Essay advice?

Test Preparation SAT Preparation
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I’m taking the SAT, along with the essay, for the first time on Saturday. I didn’t study before taking the PSAT, and only got a 1210 (to be fair, I was pretty tired when I took it). I’ve since improved on timed practice tests, but I’ve only just started practicing for the essay. I timed myself doing the first two practice essays by hand, and I entered the second one (didn’t manage to finish the first) into the computer-grader on Khan Academy, and it said that it was a 3/1/4 score, which is pretty fair IMO. I want some human feedback, though.

NOTE: Even as I was writing it, I knew I could’ve improved some parts; I just didn’t have time to go back and change them.

Anyway, here it is:

In “Beyond Vietnam - A Time to Break Silence”, Martin Luther King Jr. argues that the Vietnam War is morally unjust. By pointing out that it took focus away from the poor, sent blacks to die fighting for rights they themselves were denied, and the fact that violence is not a good way to improve society, he effectively argues his point.

Martin Luther King Jr. states that the war was taking focus away from helping the poor. He says that it “seemed as if there was a real promise of hope for the poor-both black and white-through the poverty program”, but the “buildup in Vietnam” crushed those hopes. He then states that the government treats the poor’s wellbeing like an “idle political plaything”, showing how insignificant the government thought the issue was. Finally, he calls the war a waste of resources that could be used to benefit society instead of destruction.

Next, King points out the cruel irony of black soldiers dying in the name of a country that oppressed them. He states that “we were taking the black young men who had been crippled by our society and sending them…to guarantee liberties in Southeast Asia which they had not found in southwest Geroga and East Harlem”, giving perspective of the sheer ludicrousness of the situation. Building on this, he brings up the fact that despite black and white people not being allowed to live together, they were expected to fight and die in the war together. By bringing this up, he strengthens his argument.

Finally, Martin Luther King uses the classic idea that violence shouldn’t be used to solve problems to further argue why the war was unjust. Speaking with ghetto residents, he advised them that nonviolence was always the best method for political progress. This brought up the fact that the government, the people who should know best, use violence to solve problems as shown with the war. He then states that the US government is the biggest perpetrator of violence in the modern world.

By bringing up the fact that the poor were neglected, oppressed black people were expected to fight for their racist nation, and the fact that the government was using violence in an attempt to solve an issue, Martin Luther King Jr. argues why the Vietnam War is immoral and unjust.

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I think you have the common problem others do. Given I haven’t taken my SAT yet and I’m still in HS you’re free to ignore me.

P.S the min should be 2/2/2…how’d you get a one in analysis…

  1. Your essay seems kind of short. A general trend in the new SAT essays is that a longer essay generally kind of short.

  2. This is the common problem/main point I’m trying to stress. You just restate the article. You don’t talk about how the argument is effective at all. Saying “pointing out this” or “says this to argue” aren’t very beneficial to the argument. It’s not about what he’s arguing or whether he’s right, IT’S ABOUT HOW HE ARGUES AND HOW IT IS PERSUASIVE. The SAT is trying to get you to think deeper. How does the author use certain elements to persuade the reader? How does this affect the reader? Why does it affect the reader? Answering these questions in your essay will definitely boost your essay considerably.

Overall, your reading/writing is ok, but your analysis is very weak.

Here was my practice essay I did last week and got a 19/24 on.

In my essay, I took 2-3 uses of persuasive techniques and expanded on them. I talked bout how the author used them, and how this would affect the reader. I think prepscholars blog has some really good articles on the SAT essays, which I HIGHLY recommend.

In the article, “The Digital Parent Trap”, Eliana Dockterman eloquently argues that there are benefits to early exposure to technology. Dockterman builds her argument by using facts and evidence, such as eye-grabbing statistics, to provide a counterargument to a widely-believed claim that too much exposure to technology is malovelent to kids and also provides examples of real-life situations where technology is needed.

The author opens the article with statistics such as “27% of [American kids] use tablets, 43% use smartphones, and 52% use laptops” to introduce a very important point: today, many kids have access to a wide variety of technology. The author continues to use statistics, stating that “Barely half of U.S parents agree that mobile technology should play a more prominent role in schools.” to show the main problem and controversy of the article; Should parents block their kid’s access to technology or embrace it?

The use of statistics and research is prominent throughout Dockterman’s article. The author does this to show that the article is not completely based on her opinion, giving credibility to the article, allowing the reader to gain trust in the author and continue reading the article. Furthermore, by not explicitly explaining the implications and meaning of the statistics, the author forces the reader to come up with their own conclusions to the central question asked in the essay regarding the use of technology. This ensures that the reader pays attention to the article and is actively engaging in it.

In addition to employing facts and statistics to her argument’s advantage, Dockterman also cunningly addresses concerns about social media and technology that have existed for a long time. For example, the Waldorf Schools strongly oppose the use of technology, limiting “tech in the classroom and bar[ring] the use of smartphones, laptops, televisions, and radios.” Instead, the kids that attend these schools “knit and build things and paint- a lot of really practical and creative endeavors” However, the author presents research from the University of California at Irving to refute this claim and suggest that social-networking provides multitudes of learning opportunities. Furthermore, not only does the author refute this claim of the Waldorf Schools, she backs it up with statistical evidence that shows the cognitive benefits of technology. From “research cited by MIT, students can only remember 10% of what they read, 20% of what they hear, and 50% of what they see demonstrated. But when they’re doing something themselves…on iPads or laptops- that retention rate skyrockets to 90%”.

By writing about how technology provides benefits such as improving retention rate, Dockterman heads off naysayers at the pass. Dockterman confronts opposing viewpoints with solid evidence, which the other viewpoints did not provide. This makes the reader more inclined to support Dockterman’s claims. However, Dockterman does acknowledge the power of technology within the conclusion of her article, saying that technology can possibly be abused. This allows the reader to trust the author even more, since possible risks are being acknowledge, which goes further into the fact that the article is not completely based on opinion.

Lastly, the author provides examples of real-life situations where technology is required, and how early exposure would benefit. The author gives us quotes from Shawn Jason, principal of Spencer Tech, explains that there are many jobs that are becoming increasingly popular and require the use of technological knowledge, such as programming, engineering, and biotechnology. Jackson further explains that there might be consequences for not exposing students to technology early, as it might make the student less competitive and therefore more difficult to find jobs or apply to colleges. By providing a real-life situation, the author makes the reader able to connect more with the example and understand the author’s view better. Additionally, by providing benefits of early exposure to technology, as well as risks from NOT being exposed early to technology, the author makes her argument very convincing.

Overall, by empoying the rhetorical techniques of presenting facts, addressing and acknowledging opposing viewpoints, and providing real-life needs, Dockterman convinces the reader of her claim that early exposure to technology has benefits to many kids.