Essay feedback, please?

<p>this is my latest draft, but any feedback on my essay (common app essay) would be greatly appreciated :)</p>

<p>Take the natural log of both sides. Divide by 2, isolate the variable…</p>

<p>“Allie, dinner!” My mother’s voice interrupts the waltz occurring inside my head as numbers dance around one another, settling into place to form the perfect solution.
Without picking up my head or pencil, I mutter something along the lines of “One second!” I absolutely hate being interrupted in the middle of a problem. I need to finish what I’ve started; no threads can be left dangling. I let my right hand carry out the remainder of my brain’s commands. The coordinates are 23 and 72. I can now eat my broccoli and lasagna in peace. </p>

<p>When I attempt a math problem, there’s a period of time when I stare at the numbers, neurons in my brain firing rapidly, figuring out my first move. However, once my pencil touches paper, the work is as easy as breathing. Math is like the first time that I went cliff diving: the first step definitely took some consideration and thought, but once I jumped, I could just fall. </p>

<p>Math has always been a type of therapy for me. There’s something about numbers that is so concrete and inflexible, solid and unchanging, which I love. In an essay, each word has a different connotation, or a small change in emotion and tone can create an entirely new story. However, there is only one answer to a math problem. It can be expressed in different ways, of course, such as 180° or pi radians, but the meaning doesn’t change. </p>

<p>This cold, hard logic resonates with me because I am such a logical, analytical person. I don’t get mad at my parents when they set rules or restrictions, so long as they give me a logical explanation for their choices. If the reasoning behind a rule makes sense, I will accept it. I don’t like to let emotion cloud my judgment; instead, I examine people and situations for exactly what they are. When I think this way, life is easy, has solid boundaries, and makes sense. </p>

<p>Clearly, the logical choice would be to follow a career in mathematics, which come so naturally to me and provide the simple logic that I crave. As a female in a male-dominated field, I would have access to many exciting opportunities. Instead, I have decided to be a vet. I am a female entering a female-dominated, incredibly competitive field. I will have to work harder to do well in the sciences, as memorization has always been a challenge for me. Why would I make such a stupid decision?</p>

<p>Math may be soothing and simple, but to me, it is just that – a type of therapy. For a basketball player, dribbling might be a relaxing, easy way to pass the time, but it is in the game when the real thought happens and the challenging decisions need to be made. I absolutely appreciate the beauty of an equation, or the perfect problem finally reaching its resolution. However, pursuing math as a profession would fail to challenge my mind or emotions. I don’t want to take the easy way out, and I don’t want to live a boring life. I want a career that will not only test the limits of my brain, but also the capabilities of my heart. </p>

<p>Yes, the logical choice would probably be a career in mathematics. However, a logical choice is not necessarily the best one. I know that I want to do something that has emotional depth. When I solve medical problems, I will be considering much more than numbers. Instead, I will need to take into account living beings. I am going to need my medical knowledge, but will also need to consider financial situations and personal sentiments. I will still be able to use my beloved logic, but it will live alongside emotion.</p>

<p>Your essay looks okay, but in the future try not to post written work you are using for an application on an internet forum. </p>

<p>Although highly unlikely, someone could have decided to take this essay and use it for their own application. Even if changed up a bit, the essay is deemed useless because two people would be handing in similar essays for their application thus causing your application to be rescinded. </p>

<p>I would redo the essay and find help some place else than the internet. </p>

<p>Good luck</p>