Essay Feedback Request

<p>Please help give advice on how to improve and point out technical mistakes:</p>

<p>Sometimes it is necessary to challenge what people in authority claim to be true. Although some respect for authority is, no doubt, necessary in order for any group or organization to function, questioning the people in charge - even if they are experts or leaders in their fields - makes us better thinkers. It forces all concerned to defend old ideas and decisions and to consider new ones. Sometimes it can even correct old errors in thought and put an end to wrong actions.</p>

<h2>Is it important to question the ideas and decisions of people in positions of authority?</h2>

<p>Challenging the authority is essential for the develpment of humankind. This can be seen in literary works and the story of famous scientists.</p>

<p>In the book Nineteen Eighty-Four by George Orwell, the protagonist Winston Smith lives in a society where the government (the Party) is in control of all media and spreads often untrue propaganda. These include spurious claims of victories in war, as well as supposed beneficial policies. On one occasion, when the chocolate ration was reduced from 30 grams to 20 grams, the Party falsely claimed that it was increased from 15 grams to 20 grams. The citizens, who didn't question the Party, promptly believed the news and thought that the Party was improving their lives. Yet this delusion only serves to secure the Party's power, while people's standard of living is in fact deteriorating. Only when people realize that they were fooled by their leaders could they free themselves and live better lives.</p>

<p>The need of challenging authorities can also be seen in Albert Einstein's discovery of the Theory of Relativity. Before the advent of relativity, the commonly accepted theory was Newtonian Mechanics (and several other equivalent theories). At that time, several experiments were conducted which produced anomalous results unexplainable by Newtonian Mechanics. Einstein, having pursued a degree in physics, questioned the validity of the well-established Newtonian Mechanics instead of the experiment. As a result, he devised the Theory of Relativity which successfully accounted for the anomalies found. The Theory of Relativity is now used employed in various technologies including the GPS. If Einstein had not challenged the established theory by authorities, such innovation cannot have happened.</p>

<p>In conclusion, the challenge of claims by authorities is important for the progress of mankind. Regardless whether you are simply a regular citizen or a scientist involved in research, blindly accepted what leaders or expert say can be detrimental to development.</p>

<p>These are the instructions…</p>

<p>Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>You have examples, but you haven’t done much of the other stuff.</p>

<p>Just a word to the wise, don’t post your essay openly online. Just to be safe</p>

<p>Just a word to the wise, don’t post your essay openly online. Just to be safe</p>

<p>For admissions essays I could see why you’d say this, but what’s the problem with practice essays?</p>

<p>It’s not like most of them are particularly unique anyway.</p>

<p>I assumed it was for a scholarship or something like that lol</p>

<p>It’s a decent essay (9 or 10), introduction can be a bit better. Perhaps explain which specific examples you are going to draw upon. Thesis is very solid though.</p>

<p>For the second example though, there seems to be a lot of fluff and superfluous words that make the essay sound redundant. You mention how Newtonian mechanics differs from Einstein’s general relativity, so draw one/some specific examples, etc. (how Mercury’s orbitals couldn’t be described by Newton’s laws)</p>

<p>Thanks for the feedback.</p>

<p>Regarding the introduction, I was following Academic Hacker’s guide here: <a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/sat-preparation/645763-how-write-12-essay-just-10-days.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>That’s exactly how he did the introduction, but I guess it doesn’t hurt to be more specific.</p>

<p>Decent essay (9 or 10). I’m not the consummate SAT essay writer so I won’t comment much. Make your opening paragraph and closing paragraph slightly more beefy, normally a minimum of 3 sentences a piece would be safe.
Objectively, if I was to pick up an essay at random and it began with two spindly sentences I would be disheartened, whether correctly or falsely, and would view the rest of the essay negatively.</p>