Essay Feedback?

Hey I just wrote a practice essay and was wondering if you guys could read it and give me a score you think it deserves as well as some feedback to improve it.

Prompt: Honesty is integral to building and maintaining trust.
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A variety of historical events and literature truly support the idea that honesty is integral to building and maintaining trust. This sentiment is clearly echoed in the Watergate scandal, Snowden affairs, as well as in the novel, “Anthem” by Ayn Rand.

Throughout history we see that honesty is a pre-requisite to having trust and when it isn’t met, we see large amounts of political backlash and social upheaval. Take the Watergate scandal of the 1960’s for instance, we clearly saw how the same people we elected to power were abusing their said powers for personal gain. The Nixon administration quickly was considered to be a “Big Brother”-esque regime by the American people according to a Pew Research Group study conducted in the early 1970’s. This study stated that an average of 67.46% of US citizens strongly felt that the underhandedness of the government’s actions were clashing with the ethos and creed of the USA and caused them to not fully trust the government. Within recent times we see the same phenomena occurring, albeit through a different situation. Within 2012, we saw a similar amount of strife arising from Edward Snowden’s leaking of government surveillance programs, titled the PRISM project. Snowden’s actions has led him to be branded as a traitor, and forced him to seek asylum in Russia. A similar amount of backlash and social outrage occurred after the PRISM program came to light as it showed that the USFG would stoop so low that it would spy on it’s own citizens and allies in the name of “national security”. We clearly see how a lack of honesty has invariably led to a deficit of trust.

Furthermore, a similar sentiment is echoed within the novel “Anthem”, by Ayn Rand. Within “Anthem” Rand depicts a post apocalyptic scene in which everyone is deemed equal. The main character of Anthem is a young man who is an iconoclast within his egalitarian society. This young man knowingly breaks the constraints of his society to explore science. Through his efforts, the main character learns how to harness electricity to power a lightbulb. He anxiously and excitedly rushes to show his innovation to the leaders of his society, yet when he does, he is deemed an outcast and beaten for breaking the rules of the society. The ;leaders allude that they already knew about such technology, yet deliberately withheld that information in order to keep their firm grasp over society. This action leaves the main character hurt form the dishonesty of his leaders and ultimately makes him disillusioned with the said society. Now, Anthem was written as a critique of a Marxist derived society, yet we an clearly apply the issue presented today in relation to this example. In Antem we clearly observe the character’s disillusionment with his society due to their lack of honesty and that led to the collapse of the trust he had within the leaders and the society itself. This is just another justification of how honestly is indeed necessary to have trust.

In summation, the Watergate scandal, Snowden affairs, and “Anthem: are just some of the many reasonings that support the stance taken within this essay today. We clearly observe through the relevant historical and literary examples provided above to prove that honestly is indeed integral to building and maintaining trust.