Can anyone please grade my essay?

<p>Question:
Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>. Nowadays nothing is private: our culture has become too confessional and self-expressive.
. People think that to hide one’s thoughts or feelings is to pretend not to have those thoughts
. or feelings. They assume that honesty requires one to express every inclination and impulse.
. Adapted from J. David Velleman, “The Genesis of Shame”</p>

<p>Assignment: Should people make more of an effort to keep some things private? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

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<p>So, I noticed I spelled spied incorrectly ._., and also I ran out of space for the conclusion. Personally, I felt that I should have elaborated more on the examples themselves and not making a mini-conclusion to each body. What do you guys think? Any opinions are welcome; thanks!</p>

<p>bump</p>

<p>I wasn’t planning on grading anymore essays b/c I feel like I’m not cut out to be an SAT essay grader, but I’ll give it try…
Your evidence is solid, and it’s good that you used both historical and contemporary evidence that are both really weighty. I don’t feel like you should’ve elaborated more; it’s already detailed. Also the “mini-conclusions” at the end of each body paragraph are good; they tie back to your claim. If they weren’t there, it’d seem like you just mostly summarized the events. The literary evidence was also good and showed a more “personal” side of the issue. However, b/c of the time constraints, I’m not sure if I would’ve used two historical examples (even though they support your argument well). Personally, I would’ve liked to see maybe a personal experience or a modern example that’s not political (the intro to the prompt seemed to be hinting at social media aspects of this issue) to replace one of the historical ones.
Overall though, awesome job. I’d say at least a 10, probably an 11.</p>