Essay for competitive program, please help!

<p>Hey guys, I'm trying to get in a really competitive program in NYC. I wrote this essay but I could really use some help. If anybody would like to help me out leave a post or pm me. :)</p>

<p>come on , I need some help!
I'm open to brutally honest criticism</p>

<p>I'll give it a read. PM me</p>

<p>I'll take a look, I promise I'll be honest.</p>