This is a heavily modified draft. Do you think it answers the essay prompt “describe a moral dilemma you’ve faced and how it changed you” (or whatever the wording is)?
Thanks for input!
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Mornings near the Pacific Ocean connect you with nature: waves break on soft sand, birds wake you with original songs, and clouds slowly melt away. I had the chance to escape hectic city life by camping on the Oregon coast at Beachside State Park.
As I walked around the campground, every step I took made me feel more satisfied that I had not awoken inside an RVs warm bed, with coffee on the stove and breakfast on the table. But I also felt a barrier between me and the people within these oversized portable houses. We certainly had different definitions of camping: I was raised on the belief that when one camps he or she should try to simulate the environment in which people had to live hundreds of years ago. So, for the rest of the day, I silently contemplated why one would bring an RV into the wilderness instead of facing the challenges of roughing it.
By the end of the trip, however, I experienced a revelation after I noticed that the people staying in RVs were enjoying themselves as much as I was. I suppose it was my temporary disconnection with an environment full of soft carpet, gas ovens, and computers that let me finally question a dogmatic belief. After my friends and I got to know some teenagers of families who were staying in RVs, I found these people were no different when it came to enjoying nature regardless of their use of an extra tool.
When the trip was over, along with leaving Beachside State Park, I also left a part of my self that had been preventing me from living with as positive an attitude as possible. I can say with pride that recreational vehicles changed my outlook on life.
<p>It is a bit much to post final drafts on CC, but I did read it. It reads very well and you come across well. I don't think it is "enough" of a moral dilemna. You need to talk more about your views before the change. Maybe something about how you feel slightly superior to the people who were not actually camping by your definition. Then maybe something about developing more tolerance and how this has spread to views beyond camping. It is very well written. Good luck.</p>
<p>Ummm, I don't think it's a moral dilemma at all. Or maybe some tiny, little bit. It's written well, make no mistake my boy, but I don't see the moral dilemma, and I doubt an adcom would either</p>
<p>yeah, i agree with neobez. i couldn't get your essay, b/c i am not very linguistic(or i am just plainly stupid), but stick with neobez idea, that always work, say you were like a selfdisturbed kid, who was on crack addiction, say you were constantly abused by parents, that always get those adcom, don't make yourself sound like a spoiled rich kid, that never works.
and i don't know, going to camping? that sounds like a rich ppl recreational activity, you see, instead of writing that, you could write how you worked at a hotdog stand to try to make enough money to buy a tent and go camping, and you were previously on crack, and now you were off of it, and your friends see you selling hotdogs and try to give you cracks and get you back high again, and you think a long time(which could be your moral dilemma) and then after much debating in your head, you decided to stay off crack forever(thus overcoming something that could have potentially ruined your life, adcom love those stories)
and add a few more things in to it, like ppl tried to threaten you or pulled knives on you, and you fought mentally and physically to stay away from drugs
this is a typical 100% admittence essay, i am telling you. i might write it myself, even though i have never smoked in my life he he</p>
<p>It doesn't seem like a dilemma in any sense of the word. It seems to me like you were looking down your nose at people who use RV's, and now you don't. So what? </p>
<p>Also, the introduction just doesn't work. It has nothing to do with the rest of the essay, other than explaining where it was that you went camping. Your introduction should introduce the idea of a moral dilemma (not that the camping trip is one).</p>