Essay. If you grade mine, I'll grade yours.

<p>Prompt:
Sometimes, it is necessary to challenge what people in authority claim to be true. Although some respect for authority, no doubt, is necessary in order for any group or organization to function, question the people in charge - even if they are experts or leaders in their fields - makes us better thinkers. It forces all concerned to defend old ideas and decisions and to consider new ones. Sometimes it can even correct old errors in thought and put an end to wrong actions.</p>

<p>Essay:
There is a sharp distinction to be made between respect, and blind worship. One cannot disrespect he who is in authority, but at the same time, one cannot take an obsequious stance towards them.</p>

<pre><code> Presenting my first example from recent Egyptian history. Throughout the ages, Egyptians have worshiped their kings and leaders blindly. This was on-going, until recent times, when everything changed. Mass protests prevailed Egypt, calling for the transitioning from dictatorship to democracy. Many conservative Egyptians viewed this as, in a way, blasphemy. They could not fathom the "insolence" of the protesters. However, as it seems, this act of "defiance" was needed urgently, due to the fact that ousted Egyptian president Hosni Mubarak and his regime had plunged Egypt into a state of poverty and prostration throughout the thirty year of their reign.

          My second example is presented through a personal anecdote. To be a student in my high school, one is required to give complete obedience to teachers and staff. In other words, one must be a sycophant to succeed. The other day, my teacher imperiously ordered the class to remain quiet during his explanation of the lesson. There were no questions to be asked, no discussion or conversation to be made whatsoever. One would realize how erroneous this method of teaching is, a complete fallacy. I then decided to defy my school's code of conduct, and confront the teacher. This was unheard of at my school, and of course, had its consequences. I was sent to my school principal and suffered  punishment, however, my point got across. Even though I had disobeyed my superior in authority, it was necessary to reach an important goal, and correct a common misconception.

          It becomes evident from previously stated examples that, indeed, it is sometimes necessary to challenge what people in authority claim to be true, for blind obsequiousness becomes the downfall of organizations and societies.

</code></pre>

<p>Any contribution please? :)</p>

<p>Remember, I can answer your question/grade your essay in return, if you’re not fully driven by altruism. ;)</p>

<p>r u using the “how to get ‘12’ in just 10 days” post?</p>

<p>Well, I did actually read through it, and yes I’m sure I used some of the tips stated throughout my essay. Why do you ask?</p>

<p>you immediately stated your opinion in the intro paragraph
Great vocab
Essay/paragraphs are well organized
Only a couple of grammar mistakes (but you wrote this in 25 minutes so these will probably be overlooked)</p>

<p>I have a few problems with your examples… The current Egyptian government and Mubarak were only supported by the Egyptian elite because of Mubarak’s loose trade policies that allowed the rich to make a lot of easy money. Everyone else, conservative or not, pretty much hated him. I don’t think that too many modern Egyptians consider their president a deity anymore. Sorry to be so picky, model UN does that to you. I think you need to explain your second example a little more. What’s so bad about a teacher telling the class to be quiet while he talks? I think that if you elaborate a little more, this example would be great.
Your intro and conclusion are a little short. Many 12s that I’ve seen mention there examples at least briefly in the intro and conclusion.
Also, there are some parts where you’re a little wordy or repetitive. For example, “One would realize how erroneous this method of teaching is, a complete fallacy.” and “It becomes evident from previously stated examples that, indeed, it is sometimes necessary to challenge what people in authority claim to be true…” This is just something small to work on.</p>

<p>Score: 7-8</p>

<p>I will absorb your criticism and keep all of the points you mentioned in mind next time.</p>

<p>Thank you for your reply, it is much appreciated. :-)</p>

<p>Weak transitions…"presenting my first example.’ isn’t the best idea. Also, try to have a little more detail in your examples, apollo had some good points. </p>

<p>7 in my mind, 8 on the real thing since readers are suckers for vocab.</p>

<p>Alright, I’ll work on it. Thanks.</p>