Essay topics, late-onset passion, some idealism, and too much information

Parent Cafe
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<p>We've all heard that the most important ingredient of a college admissions essay is passion, but does it have to be something that we've been committed to practically since birth, or can it be more recent? </p>

<p>I'm asking because for a month this summer, I spent three hours every weekday (in addition to working eight hours per day as an assistant instructor at riding camp) volunteering at my local hospital, and as cliché as it sounds, I can honestly say it changed my life. As a result of growing up in a dysfunctional family, including a verbally, emotionally, and sometimes physically abusive mother, I've spent most of my life second-guessing myself, being extremely insecure, and generally thinking I'm a good-for-nothing undeservingly privileged wretch of a human being. I still struggle with these things, but volunteering serves as a reminder that I can accomplish something, and that I'm not (at least not entirely) a useless waste of resources. By doing something so simple as bringing a blanket or a glass of water, untwisting a telephone wire, or even just taking the time to ask a patient how she's feeling, I'm able to make a difference in someone's day, even if it's just for that moment. The smile and "thank you" lets me know that it's okay to feel good about myself, and some days I need that reminder. In that sense, volunteering is the most selfish altruistic thing I've ever done.</p>

<p>Beyond that, for the first time of my life, I'm feeling something close to confidence in my abilities to accomplish something real and useful, instead of automatically assuming that I'm automatically Not Good Enough and that success (and I don't mean financially, but in a general making-a-positive-impact-on-the-world sort of way) is Something That Happens To Other People but-oh-how-I-wish-I-were-them. (Actually, it's making me want to go back to ninth grade and join a few clubs and take a few chances and make Amnesty International into something meaningful instead of the joke of a club that it is now, but that's a tangent.) For the first time, I feel like I have reason to be hopeful. I've now completed my service requirement for school, but I'm planning to continue for four hours per week (their requirement) during the school year. Right now I have about 70 hours, but it'll be closer to 200 by the end of the year.</p>

<p>I do have some concerns about using this as my essay. First of all, the fact that I have no record of community service until the summer before senior year (I realize this sounds ridiculous, but I was literally afraid to volunteer because I was convinced I would be much more of a burden than an asset) makes me seem sort of disingenuous, as if I'm only doing this to look good to colleges. Second, it just feels inappropriate to put my family's issues on display for complete strangers to read (which I realize I'm doing right now, but at least this is anonymous), like the fact that my parents have been on the verge of divorce for as long as I can remember, that we aren't on speaking terms with half of my extended family, or that one time when I was ten my mother grabbed my shoulders and slammed my head repeatedly against the wall while screaming at me that I read too much. Even if I omit those particular details, I don't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable or seem like I'm asking for pity, which is actually the last thing I want (really I just want to be treated like a normal and not-crazy girl who might've been through some hard times but doesn't need to be defined by it). I recently started therapy because of my family issues, but I'm NOT clinically depressed and there are no other mental health issues to be taken into account. Even so, I'm not sure what is considered to be too much information.</p>

<p>So clearly I'm incapable of writing anything remotely concise... sorry about that. As usual, any advice is very much appreciated.</p>

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<p>I sent you a PM.</p>

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<p>Thanks :)</p>

<p>+characters</p>

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<p>By the way, I should clarify: I do realize that colleges are extremely wary of admitting a kid with Issues of whatever kind. What I've given you here is the messy, brutally honest version, not the cleaned up version that I would send to colleges. I also want to emphasize that I'm MUCH better about the self-esteem thing now than I was in middle school and early high school; I occupy a position of leadership on the newspaper staff, have produced a semi-impressive photography portfolio, speak three languages fluently and am working on a fourth, and so on. I guess mostly the volunteering helped me feel valuable as a person as opposed to a brain on legs, which isn't something I'd really experienced before (not that I'd write that in the essay either, but you know).</p>

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<p>[qoute]So clearly I'm incapable of writing anything remotely concise

[/quote]

Yes, but you're a VERY elegant writer! :)</p>

<p>I can see your concern about TMI, looking like you're begging for pity, and/or looking like someone with "issues" to the adcoms. My advice would be to try the essay, but tone it down a bit. Don't lie, but don't bring your family issues alive in graphic detail, either (and I'm very sorry you've have had to deal with the things you mentioned :( ). Mention that you were raised in a family where you were not heartily encourages to excel and "fulfill your nature," but that you were able to reach out and discover that truth through intiative and internal determination. You were not born with a clear view of yourself, but through helping others and interacting with the world you were able to see good in others that reflected back onto you and helped you discover the true magnitude of your potential. (Of, these may not be good ideas, so feel free to reject them).</p>

<p>I also worried about my essay would sound like a party pity, but I think I avoided that in part by focusing on not only overcoming barriers placed in front of me, but by also using those barriers as a source of empathy, motivation, and as a contributing factor in my world view.</p>

<p>(If you want more details on my essay, PM me, but I really do think you coud write somethig great!)</p>

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<p>I may be hopelessly naive, but I think an admissions counselor would find it refreshingly honest to receive an essay that said, in essence, "I mostly started volunteering because I thought it would help me get into college, but in my case -- it really did change my life." I also would not be so reluctant to include some of the painful issues you have faced in your family, which have clearly played a large role in turning you into the thoughtful person you are. Colleges might think twice about a student with a serious mental illness, but someone who has faced adversity, thought deeply about serious issues, sought help, and grown from her experience would shoot right to the top of my list.</p>

<p>Best of luck to you.</p>

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<p>ivoryk,</p>

<p>I strongly suspect that there is absolutely nothing fresh that you can write on a college application. I read the line you mention in several college essays, and I do not read a lot of them as admission people do.
Personally I think you are better off if you do have some pretty unique experiences and, most important, can write intelligently about them. Hospital volunteering is NOT a unique experience, I bet at least half of the pre-med students write about how it changed their life for the better.</p>

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<p>"You were not born with a clear view of yourself, but through helping others and interacting with the world you were able to see good in others that reflected back onto you and helped you discover the true magnitude of your potential. (Of, these may not be good ideas, so feel free to reject them)."</p>

<p>wolfpiper pretty much has it. The hospital work has brought you outside of yourself. You can give us a picture of a specific patient and how their light has helped with the dark bits in your background. It is alright to allude to your life. Its just that the focus must be you as you are now and hope to be one day.</p>

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<p>fizik, whether I plan to be pre-med or not is besides the point (I don't*), and besides, I always thought it didn't matter WHAT you wrote about but HOW you wrote about it. You've all made some good points, and I'll have to think about this more carefully before making a decision.</p>

<p>*My current idea is to work for some international organization dealing with education, public health, and/or the environment... being able to use my language skills and international background, in addition to whatever education I pursue, to assist developing countries with important issues pretty much seems like the ideal job to me. :)</p>

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<p>Actually, I did not mean you as "you",
I should have written "one is better off", etc.
It is irrelevant if you are pre-med or not, my point was that "through volunteering in a hospital to a deep insight" is such a banal topic, it makes admission people sick (wild guess, have never been one). You seem to be a decent writer, but choosing a common place topic will kill the quality of writing.
Write about your love for languages? Did you ever make a good use of it?</p>

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<p>Point well taken. I think I'm having trouble with this because I've only really reached the "I'm sort of okay" stage, not the "I'm amazing and here are some reasons why you should all accept me" stage... and I think I'm shooting myself in the proverbial foot because of it. Anyway, thanks again everyone for the advice. :)</p>

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<p>camelias, I'm glad to hear that you feel your making progress in developing self-confidence. Although it seems that "every one else" is super-well adjusted, confident, happy and secure in his/her own skin, actually, most teenagers feel as you do.</p>

<p>I have no problem with risky and sincere essay topics as long as they're not whiny or sentimental. An essay that revolves around a specific event that helped you understand more about (or question more about) what makes you tick is appropriate no matter how hackneyed and commonplace the situation is.</p>

<p>In your specific case I'd suggest that you capitalize on your international-multicultural background as it's a definite point of differentiation. This is something you can bring to the table; don't underestimate its value. The fact that you don't exactly know the value of what you have is perfectly normal. That's why you're going to college: to gain a better understanding of the variety of experience that you've been exposed to.</p>

<p>Self doubt and insecurity are acceptable, but don't dwell on the extremes in your essay and leave your therapy and your parents out of it.</p>

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<p>Volunteering in hospitals must be a lot more popular in some areas than ours.</p>

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<p>I think you meant every word when you wrote "I'm feeling something close to confidence in my abilities to accomplish something real and useful". Try to write about your current pursuit and goals as a result of this new-found confidence. Show some <em>evidence</em> how this life-changing event has indeed "changed" you. </p>

<p>Your community service history, will no doubt, raise a red flag. However, as momrath may have suggested, try to frame that experience in your difficult upbringing. I am almost certain that your maturity by life events will add depth to your application and delight the readers.</p>

<p>As a side note:</p>

<p>Volunteerism is often encouraged, in large part, because many volunteers have similar experience like yours. Unfortunately, this very real benefit remains "unaffordable" to many. You should read Jim Lehrer's recent call for "national speech" at Harvard. <a href="http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/daily/2006/06/08-lehrerspeech.html%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://www.news.harvard.edu/gazette/daily/2006/06/08-lehrerspeech.html&lt;/a>
Or better, watch the speech at <a href="http://video2.harvard.edu:8080/ramgen/pluto/Commencement2006PMArchive.rm%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://video2.harvard.edu:8080/ramgen/pluto/Commencement2006PMArchive.rm&lt;/a>
(Fast forward to time index 1:08:00)</p>