<p>The last few lines just aren't flowing. Help anyone?</p>
<p>Fortunately, college is a breeding ground for change. I am excited to begin my pursuit as a writer, but perhaps I will take another stab at the culinary arts after I conquer the literary world. </p>
<p>The grammar is just wrong in that last sentence. Argh I can't figure it out.</p>
<p>An intended pun? A "stab" at the "culinary arts" - makes me think of you sharpening your knives in preparation for cooking.</p>
<p>As a certified punster, I like it, but I don't know how others would respond.</p>
<p>I'd rephrase it to someone like, After I got my Nobel Prize in literature, maybe I will become a chef and live in France.</p>
<p>I dont know if you are trying to be funny or not</p>
<p>How's this?</p>
<p>Fortunately, college is a breeding ground for change. I am excited to begin my pursuit as a writer, but perhaps I will take another stab at the culinary arts after receiving my second noble prize in literature. </p>
<p>p.s. I am trying to be funny because in the begining of my essay i talk about how bad of a cook I am.</p>
<p>or should it be....</p>
<p>I am excited to begin my pursuit as a writer, but perhaps I will take another stab at the culinary arts after I receive my second noble prize in literature.</p>
<p>be careful, the mods are after you. no hw help alowed!!! <em>expletive</em></p>
<p>I don't know...try:</p>
<p>Fortunately, college is a breeding ground for change. I am excited to begin my writing persuit. Perhaps I will take another stab at the culinary arts after receiving my second noble prize in literature.</p>
<p>I'd prefer "upon conquering the literary world," but that's just me. Your grammar seems correct.</p>
<p>^that's what I was going to suggest.</p>
<p>I don't like how you say "college is a breeding ground for change". It has an authoritative tone to it, which is a bad thing because the person who will be reading this will probably know many times more than yourself about college. </p>
<p>In response to 13lueflame, "take a stab" is a stinging cliche. Not a good idea in my opinion.</p>
<p>I like the Nobel Prize idea but the word "pursuit" seems out of place. Try something more conventional, like "career".</p>
<p>I don't like "breeding ground" either, as it mixes metaphors with "take a stab."</p>
<p>I don't like using a word like career. that makes it sound to much like an office job to me.</p>
<p>ack....this is why i was struggling so much with these last couple of sentences.</p>
<p>The "take a stab" wasn't my idea. I just replace the ",but" with a period.</p>
<p>Ah, sorry about that.</p>
<p>But yeah, my fiction professor last summer, who teaches expository writing at Harvard during the year, always advocated the solid over the general. I think that the original version is a bit too general, and the Nobel Prize thing definitely helps with that, although changing "pursuit" to something more concrete would help too.</p>
<p>"I will take another stab at the culinary arts after I conquer the literary world. "</p>
<p>I like the pun, "stab," and think you should balance it with substituting for "conquer" a punny word related to writing.</p>