ESSAY: What must we do to truly understand ourselves?

<p>I know the essay is a disconnected and confused mess. But could you please read and score it on a scale of 0-12? Thanks.</p>

<p>What must we do to truly understand ourselves?</p>

<p>In the late 19th century Walt Whitman said "The self is all we know to exist." Its interesting how this idea has reverbed in men throughout centuries in entirely disconnected civilizations. Conficius and Socrates, pioneers of Eastern and Western philosophy, supported Whitman's idea almost two millenniums ago.</p>

<p>Everytime man faces a phenomenon he observes and tries to gather information that will help him figure out behavioral patterns of the phenomenon. When a man sees for the first time, a small animal with plummage, spreading its wings and flying out into the air, he watches in awe. The second day he already expects the bird to fly and as such is better-informed of a bird's behavioral pattern. Therefore, to collect data about ourselves we need to put ourselves into a diverse variety of circumstances, strenuous or light, and observe our responses to such situations. The information we acquire from such experiments will assist in out making out of the distinct patterns in our responses to our surroundings; how we respond to all that exists around our metaphysical beings, define our personalities. </p>

<p>Buddha instructs men to meditate or soul-search for self-enlightenment. However, only little or no enlightenment can be expected of an ignorant man.</p>

<p>I give you a 4/12 mainly because there is little flow, poor structure and a lack of a conclusion. This essay is not very well organized. For SAT essays, here’s what I suggest you should do.
Attack plan:

  1. Open the essay with an introductory sentence or two and immediately state your thesis.
  2. The first paragraph should be about the first item mentioned in the thesis.
  3. Second paragraph is about the second item mentioned.
  4. Third paragraph is about the third item mentioned.
  5. Closing/restatement of the thesis.</p>

<p>In your essay, you start out well enough and although it could have been written a bit better, your last sentence of the intro paragraph could have served as a thesis. However, your first paragraph delves into a subject that was not mentioned in the intro- the process that man follows to understand phenomenon. Furthermore, I feel that you spent a little too long describing the example of observing a bird in flight.</p>

<p>Your second paragraph is too short to be a paragraph, although it kind of touches on the Eastern philosophers you mentioned in the intro. However, Buddha =/= Confucius .</p>

<p>You might have been told by your English teacher that the five paragraph essay is boring and shouldn’t be viewed as the standard go to model. However, IMO, the SAT is not really a good time to experiment writing in a different structure. I know that 25 minutes is not enough to produce a quality essay (I have only written four paragraphs, and I’ve been beaten with essays in apush and ap language and comp), but you need to be quick and write effectively. </p>

<p>You will be safe if you have a historical, personal, or literary example on hand for the essay. I know Huck Finn, the attack on Pearl Harbor, 9/11, experiences on sports teams are standard examples given in essays. Flip through a SAT prep book and read the essays. You’ll see. </p>

<p>Good luck!</p>

<p>For SAT essays, length matters a LOT. Make sure that you fill in 2 pages, solid, with a reasonably sized font.</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>I know, I know… I was trying to write technically, which turned out to take a toll on time. Actually, I didn’t even know what I wanted to write about. I sort of just rambled. Haha, I’m rambling now as well. </p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Yeah… I see it now. </p>

<p>

</p>

<p>I wanted to but I’m an extremely slow writer. It sucks. </p>

<p>Okay, thanks a.woah, and benhpark too. I’ll rewrite the essay from scratch and post it on a new thread. I’ll try to make up for the lack of structure and coherence with length this time. Please review it if you happen to spot it. Thanks.</p>

<p>I give 4/12 too. Volume must be increased.More points and historical examples which confirms your position.
From my experience of Essay writing.
I practiced 4 times in C.B online course. 6/12 then 6/12 then 12/12. I cannot believed that they scored my essay maximum.
I developed my own ESSAY writing plan:</p>

<hr>

<ul>
<li> *</li>
<li> GENERAL INTRUDUCTION * involves my position and my all points<br></li>
<li> * in short.


**************************</li>
<li> *</li>
<li> HISTORICAL EVENTS * Contains 2-3 points from World and Azerbaijan history</li>
<li> *<br>


**************************</li>
<li> *</li>
<li> LITERATURE EXAMPLES * Examples from world literature</li>
<li> *


**************************</li>
<li> *</li>
<li> CONCLUSION * Summarizing all points and proffing my position</li>
<li> *
**************************</li>
</ul>

<p>My essay is, in average, 500-600 words long, but it depends on topic.</p>

<p>Thanks Suleyman, then I’ll also work on building my example repository, which next to empty.</p>

<p>You have the outline of a fantastic essay, however length is a problem. You write in a sophisticated analytical manner, this will score you top marks in terms of critical thinking. Assuming you used big handwriting and covered more than 1 page, I would score this a 4.</p>

<p>The format I’d suggest:</p>

<p>Introduction: 150 words. This is the most important part of your essay, introduce your thesis and be sure to use 2-3 developing sentences and some flair in your vocabulary. A long introduction demonstrates sophistication in your thesis and gives the holistic impression that you’ve got more to offer than the SAT allows.</p>

<p>Body paragraph 1: 125 words. This is the second most important part of your essay, the marker will look here to see whether you’ve demonstrated critical thinking with respect to your examples. You seem to have a good grasp of this part of the essay.</p>

<p>Body paragraph 2: 125 words. Ramble. The marker has already received a holistic impression of your essay, chances are he wont remember anything other than your example from this paragraph. I doesn’t hurt to repeat the question or quote some of the prompt in this section.</p>

<p>Conclusion: 50 words. Emphatically restate your thesis and use authoritative language (e.g. certain, undoubtedly, essential) to subconsciously command the reader into agreeing with you.</p>

<p>I think it’s prudent to limit yourself to only two examples, one of which I always take from modern-society. Contemporary examples are generally easier to write about, and also give your essay relevance in today’s context.</p>

<p>^^^Dear Suleyman, 12/12 on the essay is very rare. The automated grading system does not necessarily reflect your actual score because after the real test, real people score the essays.</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>****ing awesome idea! You have given writing some serious thoughts, right? I once read somewhere about Whitman’s successful controlfreak writing. He even started a poem with blatantly stating something like “And what I assume, you shall assume…” lol. </p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Love your advice!</p>

<p>benhpark,
I know it. In my familly nobody don’t speak english and don’t know it, that’s why I need to use Online Course essay grading machine. I chososed my own style.I know history of my hometown, and I’m using it.
Here is my ESSAY CollegeBoard scored 12/12, what your give for it?</p>

<p>Think carefully about the issue presented in the following excerpt and the assignment below.</p>

<p>If we valued honesty, we would be willing to risk our jobs to become whistleblowers and tell truths that our employers did not want revealed. If we valued success, we would give up our free time in order to excel in a subject or sport. In other words, the sacrifices we are willing to make reveal what we care about the most.</p>

<p>Assignment:
Can what we value be determined only by what we sacrifice? Plan and write an essay in which you develop your point of view on this issue. Support your position with reasoning and examples taken from your reading, studies, experience, or observations.</p>

<p>Your Response:</p>

<p>For solving problem or making assigment we must have several temper characteristics.The most important characteristic, first of all, must be wish to do something.If we don’t have it, nothing we can do.Then we must ask ourself what we can do? And then make decision and realize our plan.Sacrifice is one of possible solution to the problem when there’re no choise and the problem is very important.For sacrifice must be two circumstances: no possible solution and no other choises.
During our life we sacrifice a lot.It can be time, money, job, house and etc.There is good Rusian idiom “When we loose, then we value.” It means that we cannot value thing if we have it, and we began conscious only when we loose it.According to people wise, we cannot value thing when we have it because we have nothing to compare.
For example, you must prepare for exam in 3 month and this exam is very important.So, you leave everything behind you, you live with exam.You sacrifice your job, money, enjoings.
We understand how important the exam, but ,in this time, we are all other things short.Our life is limited.And then we figure out how important were the things which we lost.This example, from my life experience, confirm statement that me value things only when we lost it.
But for this rule, as for many others, exist exeption.We value thigs when we have it, only if we cannot live without it, and see possible consequances for loosing it.For instance, if our life depend on somobody, we can’t imagine it without it.
Lets review historical events and what place sacrifice had in history.According to early history sacrifice developed in bronze era.But we must understand, that theretimes sacrifice was in it’s direct meaning.People sacrificed their lifes in order to safe their homeland from foreign occupations.One example is samurais in Chine.They were patriots of their homeland and believed that it’s better to die than to allow foreign people occupate their territory.From history of my homeland, Azerbaijan, I can name a lot of herous, but the most brave was Javad Khan in Gandja.When Russia planed to occupate it, he sacrificed his life, in order to safe his homeland.Loose of life we can’t value, it’s impossible, but our relatives can.And only they can value loose of us.It’s another confirmation for the statement in second paragraph, that we value only when we loose.It’s very sad to think about this, but this is true.
In conclusion, I can say that sacrifice made its way from early periods to nowadays, and in future, I hope, it will continue its existance.</p>

<p>^Oh wow… No offense, but the Essay Grader really screwed up on your essay.</p>

<p>^What’s the point in saying “No offense” if you’re going to be rude anyway…</p>

<p>Suleyman, it’s a piece of software. You can’t really expect it to do more than pick up key words and detect length and basic spelling and grammatical errors.</p>

<p>I know, what is your score for this?</p>

<p>But C.B scored this 12/12, why did they scored, if my essay is bad?</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Develop a couple of GENERIC paragraphs that could fit the usual TCB prompt. Repeat the paragraphs often (through practice) and get as close as memorizing about 250 to 300 words. Use 2 or 3 generic examples in the paragraphs.</p>

<p>When you start the real thing, address the essay at hand in the first paragraph, switch to your PREPARED body, and then finish with the conclusion that matches the essay. </p>

<p>The grader who is about 90 seconds and a SINGLE reading of the essay will pay little attention to the body of the essay and give you a score for the use of example, length and organization.</p>

<p>Remember that a DUMB exercise requires a dumb response.</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>I used this method and I got a 11 on the essay, very effective.</p>

<p>

It’s no worse than simply stating this:

and giving absolutely no advice either.</p>

<p>Sulleyman, your writing is barely understandable. It is TEEMING with errors, to the point where I have little clue what your trying to say. I would give it 2or3/12.</p>

<p>GreedIsGood,
your score is redicilous! I suggest you to open BB and see 1-points essay and comape it with my.</p>

<p>Yes, and I’d agree with GreedIsGood that Suleyman has a bevy of errors, but I’d give a 4. Not lower, but not higher…</p>