Essay

Colleges and Universities A-Z Princeton University
1

<p>I just finished my essay for Princeton. Whew.... =)</p>

<p>Anyone care to take a look? PM me! Thanks!</p>

2

<p>What is pm? And would someone be willing to look at my essays? my email is in my profile...</p>

3

<p>sure, PM me</p>

<p>PM= private message; you can send one by clicking on the person's SN (a list should come up and it'll say "send a private message to so and so")</p>

4

<p>done..thanks!</p>

5

<p>yeah id love to look at it, just pm if youd like</p>

6

<p>alrighty...</p>

7

<p>pm it to me too if you want to</p>

8

<p>pm me too blah blah blah (the 10 character rule)</p>

9

<p>pm me i hate th 10 character rule! GRRR!!!</p>

10

<p>Me too, just PM me and I'd be glad to read it. :)</p>

11

<p>caffeinefree..i read your email you sent me but my comp was down all today (which totally sucked since I had 2 apps due online) but the main gist I was going to say was...
The mention of neurological research in the first part (giving hope....) comes across as too cheesy. Plus I don't think you mentioned neurological except in that sentence, so its kinda from left field.</p>

<p>When you talk about your family and their influences on your values, the structure doesn't mesh well with the first sentence of the paragraph. Switch the wording, the content itself is very good, it just needs a transition from the first sentence.</p>

<p>Lastly at the end when you are talking about the future, you switch really abruptly from that to the view. Its hard to follow and kind of confusing. You need a couple of filler sentences in there to make it a smoother switch from research to the view. </p>

<p>Otherwise, its good and tells a lot about you and your motivations to work and the influences of your community...your tone works really well with the topic.</p>

<p>good luck.</p>