<p>My son has been hard at work on his boarding school essays for the last few weeks. For the most part, he's doing well with them, but a few are proving problematic. My question is this: as a parent, what can I do to help without overstepping any ethical boundaries? I know that these essays are to be his work, and his work alone. Do you think it is ok to help suggest essay topics? Can I help talk him through them? Is it permissible to proofread for typos or for grammar mistakes? Any thoughts would be appreciated.</p>
<p>Lots of opinions on this site about degrees of involvement! As you might suspect, almost none of us supports doing the work for the child. We think it’s painfully obvious to the AO and is just plain wrong on so many levels. </p>
<p>While some parents believe in 100% non-intervention, I think it’s fine to take a light touch in reviewing the child’s work. I define light touch as pointing out any egregious grammar or spelling errors, but avoiding the temptation to do things like substitute an adult’s beautiful turn-of-phrase for your child’s rougher phraseology or insert “better” words here and there. </p>
<p>From a content and clarity perspective, I favor asking your child questions about something they wrote as a means of having THEM take another pass at strengthening the essay. For example, “I’m confused about [this], did you mean to suggest x or y?” Or, “that’s a great point, but I remember you also being upset about x, do you think that’s important?”</p>
<p>Please keep in mind that the AO’s are not admitting adults. They expect some roughness around the edges. In the end, authenticity wins the day and you frequently lose your child’s authentic voice when you get too involved.</p>
<p>+1 pt for ThacherParent.</p>
<p>Beside correcting obvious typos or grammatical errors, in my view, you could discuss essay topics at a high level. It would be ideal if your son initiates this process. A lot of times, essay topics are about what he has thought or experienced at some point in his life. Whether he’s applying to BS or not, you’d counsel him on everyday situations, especially when he asks for it. However, I would suggest to leave actual drafting and writing process to him and himself alone so he can have his style, voice, color or whatever you might call.</p>
<p>When my DD was applying for schools last year, we went over the essay questions together and I helped her figure out topics. After she wrote them I read them over - I guess you could call it proofreading “plus”, because in addition to looking for errors I suggested some places where she might want to elaborate on things, or ways for her to get her responses down to the required word count.</p>
<p>Ditto, light editing, discussions at high levels, brainstorming and suggestions. Those are fair game. There are some people who may try doing them for the student - or hiring a consultant - but many schools ask for graded writing samples now and it becomes abundantly clear if the essay is a mismatch with the student’s own voice.</p>
<p>So think brainstorming and proofing and you won’t go over the line.</p>
<p>Thanks to all for the advice. I was a magazine editor in a former life, so keeping my mouth shut has been hard! It also has been fun, though, to read what he comes up with.</p>
<p>+2 pt for ThacherParent.</p>
<p>I agree with Exie and friendly, D looked at the potential essay questions and picked the ones she was considering, my husband, myself and her older sister all helped her brainstorm lots of ideas for each one (for example, reminders about community service projects and science fair topics). </p>
<p>We did tell her that picking a consistent theme in her area of strength and trying to coordinate most of the essays around that was a good approach. For example, she used most of the essays to explore facets of her interest in math and science. </p>
<p>She decided on the essays to write, and the content, in full. I proof read and suggested she correct a few weirdly written sentences or awkward transitions, and alerted her to a few grammar things and typos. </p>
<p>I was kind of surprised how good they were, so I backed right off. I would only mess them up.</p>
<p>Great guidelines above, and I will just repeat my suggest from another thread that a good rule of thumb is to never physically touch an essay or a keyboard while helping. I notice that even when I slip up and verbally offer a specific word or phrase, my kids nearly always ignore me and write it their own way–as long as it’s not in writing, the habitual parent tone deafness kicks in.</p>
<p>I think that the best help we can offer our kids is to remind them of the purpose of the essay and what the reader needs. For example, one of my kids is applying for a year abroad, and just finished writing a very clear but rather general essay to his potential host family. I reminded him that the host family is going to be looking for specific details/stories from his life that will make them say, “Oh, that’s something we would say/do–let’s pick him.” Something seemed to click for him at that point and he went back and added several specific examples. </p>
<p>As for proofing: When I error correct students’ essays, I mark their errors in the margins next to the line where it occurs, and I’m always pleased to see how much they improve over the course of the semester. The kids say they like it because it helps them find the error for themselves AND it makes them realize what mistakes they make repeatedly. To that end, as a parent, I say things like, “You need a comma in that line” rather than “Put a comma after the word send.”</p>
<p>+1 pt for classicalmama</p>
<p>We as parents have proof read a few essays and mentioned a few typos. Its been pretty much hands off.</p>
<p>Although, my D decided to write a very personal essay to one school and has stated that we are not to read it. EVER. So, this has been quite the exercise in trusting her ability to catch her own mistakes. I very rarely proof read her writing for school, half the time I only see it once its been graded so this is just one more step in that direction.</p>
<p>I suppose once the kids are in BS, we wont be proof reading at all… :)</p>
<p>We took the same approach as many of those above. When our son was applying to school last year we “talked out” the key points. After he had written and typed the essays I encouraged him to read the essays aloud (as if giving a speech)…often errors will be very clear. I did proofread for spelling, punctuation, etc.
Starting early in the process was to our advantage. It can be stressful and frustrating to tackle these essays after a day of school and homework…a few times I told him to put it away and come back to it fresh the next.
Good luck!</p>
<p>+1 to Leasa for the read aloud suggestion. Especially helpful for finding commas, missing words, and goofy constructions. Can be difficult to get kids to actually do it though…</p>