<p>How much help did you give or will you give in writing college essays? How much do you think is OK and when does it become too much?</p>
<p>I'm thinking about things like: suggesting a topic; discussing the essay as the student works on it; correcting or improving on ideas that could be, well, corrected or improved on; adding one's own ideas to the discussion; final editing for overlooked typos that spellcheck won't catch; more substantive editing - "This paragraph isn't clear" or "This is a better way to word this"; or anything else.</p>
<p>We already hit a minor speed bump. I've always felt that suggesting a topic is no big deal. Teachers do it all the time. So when we read one possible question I said "Oh, you should write about X" which BTW was such an obvious idea that my son would have had it on his own in a matter of minutes. But my son feels that he should come up with ideas on his own and won't consider that topic.</p>
<p>I think it is wrong. I plan to do all of my own work in college, just as I have in high school. Occasionally, mom would try to help in middle school, but I was pretty resistant to the idea even then.</p>
<p>If my mom wanted to micromanage my work, or even macromanage my work, I’d feel like she thinks I can’t do it on my own.</p>
<p>My mom is pretty smart. She might be able to do a great job suggesting topics and editing my work, however I want to sink or swim on my own. </p>
<p>The essays are done as part of the fall semester senior year HS English class work here. They are critiqued and revised through the class process. The original idea, however, is their own. DD and I discussed various kinds of topics, how to choose something that has meaning to her, but I never saw her essay until it was all over. All I knew is that it was music related since she was applying to music schools.</p>
<p>It is probably far better to offer to help choose a topic if they have too many rather than to suggest some/any. Feedback, when asked, is fair. Prompting or shaping deprives them of ownership at a critical point in time.</p>
<p>birdrock - I rarely share my work with my parents. I might let them see a paper that has been graded if it is of particular merit, though. Most papers go straight into my files. I’ve saved everything since 7th grade. I do not discuss papers that are in process. I am pretty close to my parents and I really appreciate that they trust me to do a good job on my own. </p>
<p>My younger brother follows my model. My mom would LOVE to help him as he could use some grammar and spelling support, but he somehow cranks out A’s without her input.</p>
<p>It’s a mistake for parents to think they are “helping” their kids when they try to put their own ideas into their kids’ heads. Have confidence in your son or daughter.
I don’t think it’s wrong to discuss ideas the students come up with, if they choose to, but truthfully, an essay will have so much more power if it comes from the heart of the writer.
My son asked his college aged sister, who is a gifted writer, to look over one of his essays during the application season, and I’ll never forget the conversation between the two of them. Big sis suggested he change a particular word to one that she felt would better express his idea, and his remark was, “But that doesn’t sound like anything I’d say, ever. Who talks like that?”<br>
In her own writing, the word would have sounded perfectly natural. In my son’s writing, it would have stood out like a sore thumb. I think the only thing he changed after a few of her suggestions was an unnecessary colon where a comma would do. ;)</p>
<p>He let me read the finished product, and my son’s personality and voice were evident throughout. It was fine. He’s not a writer with a capital W and he doesn’t want to pretend to be. Pomona , his first choice college, thought the essay was good enough.</p>
<p>My D wouldn’t even let me read her essays. What she wrote to get in, she wrote on her own. I had a conversation with one of my colleagues after my D was admitted SCEA to Yale. He said he’d looked at his D’s essays and made a few corrections here and there. I can certainly understand the impulse. On the other hand, how is my colleague’s D to know, once she is accepted or not accepted, that it was her own doing?</p>
<p>Yes, it’s true that professional writers have people reading and commenting on their work all the time. And it’s true that writing classes very often involve much peer review (a good part of it because the persons hired to do the teaching are overwhelmed with the number of classes they need to teach, and number of papers to grade, but I digress). There is no way that there would be any sort of dispassionate objectivity about the essays, however, whether in choice of topic, or construction, or the like.</p>
<p>I say parents do well to keep completely hands off on the essay-writing aspect of the college application process. If parents want to hire college counselors to discuss the essay with the student, that makes a lot more sense. In the end, however, the would-be college student who is applying will make their own choices, and will need to live with them.</p>
<p>My parents didn’t help me at all in the application process. I did get a lot of feedback on essays from my teachers. It wasn’t part of the class; I would just ask them after class if they would help me critique my essay.</p>
<p>I originally wrote my college essay for english class, but neither of my parents have read it. The only people who have read it are my english teacher and my brother (just to make sure that grammatically it made sense).</p>
<p>I will remind D of her deadlines and basically hound her until the essays are done. I will help her with anything she needs help with (which given past experience will be very little) and I will give it a once over for grammar and spelling (D’s big weakness).</p>
<p>I don’t care what the ethics of it are. That’s what we are both comfortable with.</p>
<p>I plan to proofread the entire application for D2 as I did for D1. Beyond that and making photocopies (we don’t have a machine at home), I will offer no formal assistance. However, there have been a couple of times in the last year that she’s told me a story or discussed something with me and I’ve said “that might make a good college essay.”</p>
<p>My oldest loathes writing (though he was fine with your typical English or history paper). He hated the sort of personal essays that college applications require. He had many false starts and the world’s most boring essay. At some point in a fit of avoidance he started playing around with a program that took sample college essays he found on various college websites and combined them into a sort of coherent mess of cliches. As we were laughing at the results, I suggested that maybe he should start his essay with that. He ended up with a decent essay that poked fun at himself and the fact that he’d much rather mess around with a computer than write about himself. The writing was his, but I can’t say there was no parental input. It was a solid essay - good for a computer scientist, but not the essay a budding writer would write.</p>
<p>For my younger son I anticipate less handholding. The main thing I will communicate to him is that the essays shouldn’t be a boring autobiography. The essays that work best seem to be a slice of life told from a distinct point of view. </p>
<p>And yes, I’ll proofread the essay for spelling errors and misplaced commas. It’s too hard to see your own mistakes.</p>
<p>There is a difference between writing with your voice and editing. The paper should be yours just like a book should be the author’s. However, the best authors need and want editing help - someone to not just help with mistakes but also to give a sense of how something comes across to them.</p>
<p>QueensMom - Wow! I think you enfeeble your daughter with the hounding and editing approach. I eagerly completed my essays. I want to go to college. I’d possibly have a different attitude if my mom was regularly hounding me about things. Just my opinion.</p>
<p>Both DD1 and DD2 did essays on their own, getting critique from their favorite English teachers. We had nothing to do with them. Similar with the applications - all their work. We just tried to make sure they were in on time. Fortunately, both are conscientious and that wasn’t really an issue.</p>
<p>Just a question, if I may. Is there something inherently better or more ethical or less sketchy about getting advice from classmates or from a school class dedicated to application essay writing or a favorite teacher or a counselor (paid or school) than getting that same advice from a parent?</p>