My dad’s will currently has my sister and me as co-executors. Ugh. I told him I don’t care who he picks, but there needs to be just ONE. I get along well with most people, but my sister can push my buttons.
9 Likes
It will double the lawyers fees if you have to have every decision run past both of you… maybe that will convince your dad- who wants their hard-earned savings getting chewed up that way???
2 Likes
He has said he will change it, but he procrastinates. I will see if I can get him to schedule a meeting with the attorney when I’m in town in October. My sister and I also want him to be more clear about dividing up his real estate holdings. For example, he has a condo on the Texas coast that I have NO interest in, and my sister plans to use it for personal use only, not for rental income. So she can have it, but we have to figure out how to be fair.
1 Like
I’d caution against bowing out as executor. My sister and I were co-executors and it worked well as far as sharing/divide up responsibilities and duties. You’ll also lose access/authority to know what is happening with the estate and the ability to make decisions relating to the estate administration and will provisions.
5 Likes
Calls between lawyer and you and your sister can be done as conference calls with everyone on phone at same time. No need for separate discussions. We also had conference calls with realtors when selling some property.
My sis is executor but since most is in trusts and we are co-trustees (with an “and” stuck in there) we both have to sign for things and it can be a pain. But only a pain because we trust one another–not all families are so lucky.
My dad had his will done so either my sister or I could sell real estate (with the understanding of course to split the proceeds). An addendum somewhere that was a bit confusing. My sister wants the house (great!) so when we get closer to finalizing other things she’ll pay me half of value out of proceeds from the estate.
@greenbutton, do you think there is any chance the distant executor would decline to serve so your dil could handle her own family affairs?
2 Likes
The electric needs to stay on and AC run etc for the house to be in decent shape.
Automatic billing/payment through electric company is the way to go. And water if you need to clean or water lawn.
The lawn needs mowing–old bank books/check registers should have that info. Having an eyesore that looks uninhabited is not good.
I had my dad’s mail forwarded to me and it didn’t require executor’s signature. But they knew me and him–I might have showed them the death certificate (but I don’t think so). You definitely need the mail forwarded for bills, insurance stuff, any auto billilng you didn’t know existed etc.
1 Like
Just seeing this situation with some friends. Some jurisdictions or companies may then require BOTH executors’ signatures for the estate bank account, for reports, tax filings, etc., or even closing accounts. Can become a headache if executors disagree about how/when to take these steps, or distribute assets per the will, etc.
My dad says he wants me to be executor, which I would actually prefer since I’m a planner and have some background in handling financial affairs for our business and several non-profit groups. I’m glad this subject came up, because I’m going to email Dad now. 
3 Likes
@greenbutton – like sabaray says–see if executor will bow out. Then D can take care of many decisions (rightfully hers as sole heir) with a local attorney who is already on board.
2 Likes
Executor and DiL already agreed that he will continue in that role until or unless it becomes obviously unworkable. The lawyer , who is local, seems to think they can make this work.
Someone mentioned the power staying on, etc…true, but autobilling has to come from someone’s funds. One of the things DiL found in her mom’s purse (the coroner gave her a bag of personal effects that had been taken from the house by his office) was a notice from the power company saying power would be shut off soon. She spoke with the sympathetic power company, but nobody can do anything until the will is fiiled and the executor is offical. So, we wait.
Today I checked the notebook we keep for our kids, to make sure the utilities, etc are all up to date and passwords are all there too.
So has she been inside the house at all since the death? Anything of value needs to be removed before it gets broken into.
I had to fill out a form and show the post office and show one of my “important” estate forms - I forget which one - to have my mom’s mail transferred to my address. This was May 2022.
How to Stop or Forward Mail for the Deceased | USPS.
1 Like
You are right to push for the change to one executor since you don’t live in the same place. It was a royal PIA for my brother and I.
She has been in the house once, to retrieve the will. There are some issues that make being in it a non starter until those are mediated.
The death certificates, mailed two weeks ago, have not arrived and now she finds out the funeral home did not send them with any tracking. Funeral guy suggests waiting another week and then reordering, and wouldn’t commit to not charging again. Clearly we won’t allow them to be charged twice, but yeesh.
1 Like
What a nightmare. I’m sorry your dil has to deal with this.
My opinion. Have her call the funeral director again and insist that they resend the death certificates. I think they either just sent the death certificates and don’t want to admit it. Or they are lost. And they are taking advantage of your daughter in laws relatively young age and gender.
Have your daughter in law sign up for USPS informed delivery. I have to say that it can be really helpful for those things you are looking for in the mail.
Others, how were the death certificates sent? In a plain envelope or an envelope that can be tracked?
4 Likes
I am not an attorney. That said, in some sense everyone has a will. You can have one that a lawyer prepared under your direction that decides where your assets go, who will be your executor, etc. Or you can have the default one written by the state for those who die without their own will.
Depending on what state you live in, from what I’ve read on Bogleheads probate can be simple and not particularly expensive. Or, in some states, such as CA, more drawn out and with statutory (not cheap) fees for the lawyers. In such states it may make sense to put assets into a living trust.
1 Like
@mikemac a friend just said that same type of example yesterday and it is pretty true: you always have a prenup, either the one you write and agree to or the written by your state’s rules
1 Like
We picked up the death certificates directly from the funeral home. Maybe they were mailed to the deceased home.
She has had them confirm the address (which is theirs) twice. The postal carrier left a note in the mailbox saying the local usps is holding all of the mail until someone comes to get it all, so at least it isn’t piling up in the mailbox.
I am hoping funeral home simply lied about when they mailed them. She couldn’t pick them up because reasons.