Exeter is 0% fun

Prep School Admissions Prep School Parents
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<p>From the Exonian this week, written by a 2012 student:</p>

<p>While it is certainly striking that only half of our lower class said they would recommend Exeter to their friends with no caveats, what is most important is that we understand, or at least consider, why they said so. Exeter is a busy place. We wake up on Saturday mornings and go to class. We don’t sleep enough. We have too much homework. Teachers grade too harshly. These often-repeated truths are perhaps why the lower class responded the way they did. I, however, believe that these complaints all spring from one larger truth: Exeter is not fun.</p>

<p>We all see the innumerable nightly Facebook statuses that read "I hate Exeter" or "Exeter sucks." Similar sentiments are etched into Harkness tables and library carrels, and students complain nightly about the amount of work they have. In many cases, it becomes a verbal arms race to see who has the most tests and papers due the next day. This inculcated discontent seems only to exacerbate the dull, funless world we live in.</p>

<p>When not pulling all-nighters to finish history papers or falling asleep in Assembly or dragging ourselves through the crushing schedule, what is there to do here? What can we do for fun? We have all been to Swasey and Las Olas. Many of us participate in athletic contests or cheer our friends on. We often go to the repetitive dances or Friday night movie screenings in the Forum. But these activities are not enough. Blame whomever you’d like (Student Activities, the Deans, Principal Hassan), but Phillips Exeter Academy does not try hard enough to ensure that its students are happy.</p>

<p>Many may contend that it is not the school’s job to make students happy or to provide them with fun activities Exeter’s job, some may say, is to provide its students with a wonderful education. Fun should be a secondary goal, if a goal at all. Perhaps Exeter should recruit more soulless, workaholic students unfazed by the workload and hectic schedule and thereby avoid the issue of fun altogether.</p>

<p>Unfortunately, or perhaps fortunately, that is not the case. Exeter prides itself on its well-rounded and diverse student body. Many members of this student body seek to have fun, and many of them break rules in the process. Exeter kids smoke weed and drink. Some get DC cases, but the majority of rule-breakers avoid getting caught. Are these students morally corrupt? Are they inherently evil because they take the occasional toke or swig?</p>

<p>They’re teenagers. While I don’t condone the removal of drug use from the Major Offenses section of the E-Book, I do think that kids wouldn’t make such "poor" decisions with regard to drug or alcohol use if the school provided more opportunities for students to have fun. What ends up happening is that Exeter becomes a prison. People lock themselves in for four years and do not enjoy themselves, but stick it out so they can walk across the stage at graduation, shake Mr. Hassan’s hand, receive their diploma, and be done with it.</p>

<p>Every fall E/A, young alumni come back drunk and high. This year one group was especially problematic, and the town police got involved. These recent graduates most likely did not enjoy their time here at Exeter and were salivating at the chance to slap Exeter in the face, since it could no longer kick them out or put them on probation. These acts were, in my opinion, a manifestation of four years of discontent and hatred of Exeter. The root of this discontent is, without a doubt, the sheer lack of anything fun to do here. The Academy is doing a disservice to its students, and, as long as they continue, results to polls like these will be the same or worse. We are not machines who mindlessly spew out papers and tests. Contrary to popular belief, we are normal teenagers. We want to have fun, too.</p>

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<p>Ouch! Something is not right.</p>

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<p>Mercy! This report takes my breath away. I’m sure life at Exeter can’t be as bad as the OP states. Still, his/her post is most chilling.</p>

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<p>I seriously suggest that all BS kids, parents, and aspirants read Perfectly Prep. The anthropologist author talks about precisely this oppositional dichotomy at length: the schools’ espoused value of “excellence” versus the kids’ (remember, they are KIDS’!) value of “fun.” People have been quick to dismiss TomtheCat’s reports of drug use at Andover as over the top, but I can tell you as an 1980s HADES grad that none of this is surprising, just interesting in how little things have changed in 25 years (including young alums returning to campus to flout breaking the rules that once constrained them). If you are only worried about marijuana use, you are missing the point: cocaine, LSD, prescription drugs, X, etc are MUCH easier to transport and ingest without the problems that smoke creates.</p>

<p>Responsibility is a moving target (that plenty of adults don’t hit), and I think both parents and the schools have a much stronger obligation to acknowledge the difficult pressures teens at elite institutions face and to educate them much more holistically than the current model allows.</p>

<p>Maybe this will also encourage some of the 13 and 14 year old HADES acolytes to WAKE UP to the harsh reality that the more exclusive the BS, the more emphasis there is on “excellence” at the expense of “fun”. Schools maintain their exclusivity based on their college placement rates and the rates and amounts of giving they receive from alums. Money is at the CORE of this equation, and money and ethics often come into conflict with each other. It was a bit of a shock to see this firsthand at the age of 15, and I’m sure I didn’t handle it as poorly as some might. ALL KINDS of excellence exist outside the walls of the elite institutions; in fact, most excellence is pursued and discovered via interior methods. The rite of passage that is BS is one (masochistic) cultural technique for encouraging the discovery of one’s own inner worth, but it is a technique fraught with danger and not appropriate for all. Families and young adults really ought to do significantly more soul searching than looking for one 2nd tier school as a “backup plan”. Although “fit” is occasionally referenced on these boards, the obsessive “chancing” for the same schools and peoples’ refusal to believe that the circumstances there can really be as dire as described by those with direct experience discloses a CULTURAL pathology that is insidious. People, America’s best and brightest need to be trained and supported as professional <em>healers</em>, not hazed and victimized so that they go on to repeat these hierarchical patterns in their roles as organization leaders (& future parents!). </p>

<p>If you REALLY do want to know the quality of one of these schools, look at their religion and philosophy offerings…not the “chapel schedule,” not the diversity groups, but the actual commitment–within the academic curriculum–to discussing and advancing the ideals of human ethical behavior.</p>

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<p>

Excellent point!</p>

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Could you elaborate and explain how this fits in the issue in discussion?</p>

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Could a 2nd tier school be the answer? Or perhaps your point is that a 2nd teir school is more likely to be a place where one is not pressured to be “excellent” and actually have some fun? I know this could easily lead to a discussion about “fit” and tiered school rating etc., which is fine but is somewhere I really don’t want to see this thread head to.</p>

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<p>I pulled up Boarding School Review website. They list about 290 schools. Assuming 250 kids per school, thats about 72,000. Assuming that is high, let’s round down to 50,000. HADES kids probably add up to about 4,000 total?? Somehow 46,000 kids/families make the decision to attend other than HADES, not to mention the millions that attend local public and private schools. I’m having difficulty recognizing the dire insidious cultural pathology that the HADES schools represent to society. Personally, I’m not looking to BS for religious/ethical indoctrination – to be honest, I’m kind of glad you aren’t making that decision for me and my family. My son works very hard at Exeter and complains some times, but he also has lots of fun, and has made life long friends. He must be in the other half of the survey.</p>

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<p>Side note: who would ever have figured that all the drug use in urban/suburban/rural schools was just because the kids weren’t having enough fun. You learn something new every day.</p>

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<p>@DA: on money and ethics: the more “prestigious” the school, the more indebted and corrupted it becomes by political and economic interests beyond its own control. “Fun” is NOT the agenda.</p>

<p>tiers: my point is that the “tiers” one creates create the perspective through which one looks at institutions. We all rank schools differently according to our different values, but the “excellence” rhetoric of the schools (of virtually every tier) and larger “prep” culture is at odds with the reality of the experience of adolescence. Yet we act so surprised to find that adolescents are behaving like adolescents in these environs? Or, in many cases, toe the line for their time at BS and then go hog wild ape ***** at their prestigious universities? The need for “fun” needs to be addressed, discussed, negotiated, etc…</p>

<p>@E123: it’s not just the HADES schools, rather since they are at the top of the food chain there is strong evidence that general adolescent pressures are intensified and grossly magnified within the no-fun culture of “excellence.” & I agree with you, I’m not interested in indoctrination, either; I’m interested in the discovery of moral character, which for some is achieved via an exhaustive workload (Parris Island comes to mind), but there are other methods, as well. Here’s the only thing I’d advise you on: share the OP with your son, and listen to how he responds.</p>

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<p>PrepintheSouth, while I appreciate your point of view, I feel your argument abstract and logic a bit hard to follow. Could you be more specific? For example,</p>

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<p>“indebted and corrupted”? “interests beyond its own control”? There seem to be quite a few words behind those concepts. Care to elaborate? Bye “fun is not the agenda”, do you suggest that Exeter is purposefully give a hard time to the kids in the school so the school’s image of being rigorous is effectively marketed, or what?</p>

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<p>[Amazon.com:</a> Perfectly Prep: Gender Extremes at a New England Prep School (Child Development in Cultural Context) (9780195308815): Sarah A. Chase: Books](<a href=“http://www.amazon.com/Perfectly-Prep-Extremes-Development-Cultural/dp/0195308816]Amazon.com:”>http://www.amazon.com/Perfectly-Prep-Extremes-Development-Cultural/dp/0195308816)</p>

<p>Not an entirely easy read, but if you think I’m being theoretical, you’ll see where I’m getting it from. BS are places where the larger values of the culture–especially toward gender & class–are re-created. “Creativity” that challenges these modes & agendas is effectively marginalized. Careful.</p>

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<p>Exeter is like the perfect resume, all the right degrees, certifications and statistics, enough to make a certain kind of parent or child weep with joy at their admittance. Only there’s no real joy in the effort. What good is a supreme exertion of time and talent if it’s dull, lifeless, and unhappy? What good is the perfect resume if that’s all there is?</p>

<p>OP is just one opinion, I know. But what he or she says has the smell of a larger reality than most sycophantic Exeter homies on this site would care to admit.</p>

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<p>You seem to be saying that we are trying to make our kids grow up too quickly by sending them to BS’s that are too serious. You indicate that you had “firsthand experience at age 15”. Sounds like you had a very bad time. Perhaps you could provide more concrete details of the abuses (for lack of a better word) you experienced to put your point in context. Are you advocating more of a “stop and smell the roses” philosophy for day to day student life??? Or a kinder, gentler, humanistic curriculum??? Or no boarding schools? What exactly would you have BS’s teach our kids that is currently lacking? Exeter, for example, requires two courses in religion for graduation that can be drawn from a broad array of courses, including philosophy, eastern religions, etc.</p>

<p>My son was bored to tears at his public school. He has redeveloped a love for learning at BS. I don’t see that driving him to D&A abuse in college. It seems to be a very positive experience for him and many of his classmates as far as I can tell. Could it be that you are painting all BS experience with a common brush, tainted by your own negative BS experience? I guess I’m having difficulty sensing the dire state of BS life you depict in your comments.</p>

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<p>My personal opinion is that for the right student studying at a HADES or HADES-like school can be an amazing and fulfilling experience. Such a school allows bright, motivated kids to stretch their wings and achieve great things.</p>

<p>The problem as I see it (and again, this is only my personal opinion) is that too many kids and their families are desperate for admission to HADES schools when they could be happier and more fulfilled at a lower rated school. The work at top schools IS hard. The kids are under a lot of pressure. Some kids thrive in such and environment while other spend all their time dog paddling to keep up.</p>

<p>You see the same thing on the college forums here at CC-kids who are applying to every single Ivy League school simply because of their prestige and regardless of size, programs or location. I knew enough miserable kids at Ivy schools that my personal motto for my kids and colleges became “Better happy in community college than suicidal at Harvard.”</p>

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<p>OP characterizes the returning Exeter alum as most likely not having fun at Exeter and wanting to slap Exeter in the face with open intoxication. I saw many of these alum/kids at the Andover/Exeter football game. These kids were looking to meet old friends, relive the good times they had in HS, not trash the school and their experience.</p>

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<p>Looks like OP is an Exeter Parent. Why is OP posting this negative news about Exeter on CC?</p>

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<p>If the article is accurate, it would appear, at least to me, that the Admission dept. is only getting it about 3/4 right. No drama my end, I have to go with Sue22 & 123.</p>

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<p>Well said, Sue.</p>

<p>I’m sympathetic with the writer of the article, but hard pressed to come up with what other activities the school should be offering. Most of the high school students I know here spend the week-ends sleeping over each other’s houses, going to games or dances, and watching movies at the theater or home. All that stuff happens at Exeter. </p>

<p>For my kid, Saturday classes have been the biggest downer–they cut into free time on the week-end and often do make it feel like Exeter’s nothing but work. However, we just got an email from the principal announcing a big cut back in Saturday classes next year. It’ll be interesting to see if that makes a difference fun-wise.</p>

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<p>I think the primary source of stress is from rigorous coursework/workload. The student body may also be competing for grades which can increase the stress level. Eliminating Sat classes will only improve it slightly which is still a step in the right direction.</p>

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<p>My child has Saturday classes at another school, and we’ve all learned to appreciate them. It’s not every weekend. She thinks “5 day weeks” are more stressful, because everything’s crammed into five days, not 6. As a parent, I think learning to sit down and get the work done will stand the students in good stead in college. It also allows longer breaks and vacations, so it’s essentially a different distribution of work, not necessarily more work. That says nothing about Exeter’s approach to Saturday classes, of course. Saturday classes in and of themselves are not necessarily stressful. </p>

<p>Every time we’ve visited the Exeter campus for an interview, the Exonian has had articles and opinion pieces about lack of sleep and the pressure of work. I assume these articles and opinion pieces are not exceptional. I don’t know if that means that the workload is oppressive. It could mean that Exonians love complaining about their workloads and how little they sleep.</p>

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<p>Easier said than done with facebook and other distractions!</p>