FA at Boston University

Paying for College
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<p>I came from a very middle income family. I worked in the cafeteria for a good part of my years at a school where a lot of the kids came from millionaire families. Some of my best friends came from such families. And, as with THumper, it was not a big deal at all. I don’t think we thought about it much.</p>

<p>But I will say, that things are very different now. More kids live the rich life even when their parents are not. When they get to college, that 's when things really get sticky, because it’s not as easy to keep up with those who are truly well to do when that nut of a college cost is right there. I know that kids don’t eat at the cafeteria like we used to have to do. That’s a great equalizer right there. And more parents are subsidizing some pretty nice digs for their kids. More cars on campus, and more luxuries for college kids. I know when I went to college, there weren’t that many kids who stuck out as poor or rich. It was very much an income leveling experience.</p>

<p>If this is an issue to you, check out the college scenes and don’t pick one that seems offensive to you. Will tell you, however, that this is an issue that will come up in life, if your student wants to go into “worlds” and work places that have more well to do families. I remember when DH was first working, and we had the little ones, we were really strapped and seeing families with generous grandparents and lots of family support made us realize what a difference that could make. There wasn’t a dime that came into our household that was not earned by DH or myself, and not a service we got that we did not have to pay for. We were in a strange city where we hardly knew a soul and this was a pattern throughout the years as we moved for DH’s jobs. Until you get some network going, it is tough, having to do it all yourself. </p>

<p>My son who lives in NYC has trust fund kids as friends who are living in apartments and condos that are pure luxury as well as some friends who are homeless. Many are struggling with student loans, and he is not, but he doesn’t have a parental check that many do. But he has a home and family a half hour away that can supplement if he’s truly down and out. He seems to move seamlessly among the different types of people.</p>

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<p>*I came from a very middle income family. I worked in the cafeteria for a good part of my years at a school where a lot of the kids came from millionaire families. Some of my best friends came from such families. And, as with THumper, it was not a big deal at all. I don’t think we thought about it much.</p>

<p>But I will say, that things are very different now. More kids live the rich life even when their parents are not. When they get to college, that 's when things really get sticky, because it’s not as easy to keep up with those who are truly well to do when that nut of a college cost is right there. I know that kids don’t eat at the cafeteria like we used to have to do. That’s a great equalizer right there. And more parents are subsidizing some pretty nice digs for their kids. More cars on campus, and more luxuries for college kids. I know when I went to college, there weren’t that many kids who stuck out as poor or rich. It was very much an income leveling experience.*</p>

<p>I agree. I went to Catholic K-12, and we were middle-class. When I was in high school, the “rich kids” were the doctors’ kids who all sent their D’s to my all-girls prep school. These girls didn’t act badly, and their school clothes were limited to our uniforms (an equalizer), but the moment they turned 16, a new car was purchased (not BMWs like today) and they did have better weekend clothes than the rest of us (but not “designer” or designer purses). I used to joke to my doctor daughter best friend that I thought her mom went into the junior section at a nearby fine dept store and said, “I’ll take one of each in size 6.” </p>

<p>That said, it’s different now. There are soooo many more ways to “show wealth”…iPhones, iPads, designer purses, designer clothes, fancier cars with all the options, mani/pedis, streaked hair, rarely eating in the dining halls (which has become equivalent to HS kids who take the bus vs HS kids who have cars…the “cool kids” eat off-campus. ha ha).</p>

<p>And, Cptofthehouse is right…now middle class kids have some of these things…Smart phones with data plans, designer handbags, cars, etc… I call it the Small Family Syndrome. In my day, families were larger so middle class families couldn’t buy any “extras”…now that families are smaller, middle class kids have a number of the luxury items. And, a number of middle-class kids aren’t even expected to have part-time jobs…they, too, get allowances and have “daddy’s credits cards” for emergencies and gasoline. </p>

<p>In my day, it wasn’t an issue at a school when the majority were middle class, the few poor were on working scholarship, and some are rich…since the majority of us were in the same boat…just having the basics. Now, the rich and middle class have “the extras” while the poor have very few.</p>

<p>The elites try to equalize the situation by meeting need without loans and such, but even they know that it’s a problem. I believe that Amherst’s president was even considering funding clothing for poor students and providing airplane tickets and clothing to the parents for parents weekend. While I thought the idea was a little over the top, even he recognized that simply providing for COA doesn’t stop the obvious differences between the haves and the have-nots.</p>

<p>Again, I don’t know about BU…but since it is a pricey school that doesn’t “meet need”, I suspect that it has its fair share of affluent or upper-middle class kids…because the regular middle class and poor can’t afford to attend.</p>

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<p>I think a great deal depends on the kid. My son went to an ivy and god knows there were many kids from wealthy families who traveled on the breaks, wore expensive clothing, had iPhones as soon as they came out. He came home on breaks, wears tee shirts and jeans every day and still has a cheap phone (while fully funding an IRA on a grad student stipend). He found kids whom he was comfortable with and shared interests with. Some were wealthy, some were far from it. If a student feels he is not accepted because he is not invited to join one of the private clubs or is not able to rent a limo for dances perhaps that says more about his values (or perhaps, lack of self esteem) than it does about the general culture on campus.</p>

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<p>I know plenty about BU. My kid graduated from there. He had friends from all walks of life. To be honest, I’m not sure he ever knew anyone else’s family incomes. None of his friends had cars or personally bought condos. Folks all use the T in Boston. We are not uber wealthy, nor are we in the poor house. </p>

<p>While BU does not meet need for ALL students as clearly stated, they DO meet need for some, and if your admissions application is a particularly strong one, your chances of having your need met increase (as noted in that article).</p>

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<p>@1moremom</p>

<p>I think it’s different for girls…they have more ways to show affluence on a daily basis…hair, nails, shoes, purses, etc.</p>

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<p>^^^</p>

<p>Only if they choose to take notice and be influenced by it. My DS met a wonderful woman at his ivy who, like him, doesn’t really care about outward appearancces. (They are still together after four years in part because there are more important things that they both do care about.)</p>

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<p>Let’s talk about girls. My daughter went to a very expensive private university where many kids did have cars. No one she knew had a condo purchased for them. DD did not have a car, and she survived. She didn’t take expensive vacations, buy swanky clothes, or spend money she didn’t have…and she survived. She also knew kids from all walks of life as she worked at her college alongside of work study students. </p>

<p>Again…the family income meant NOTHING to my daughter…not a thing. These kids were her friends…not her "keep up with the Jones’ " neighbors.</p>

<p>I’m sure my kid had friends whose parents sent them spending money and the like…for luxuries…but if that was the case, my KID didn’t know it. She thrived at this school, and had many wonderful friends.</p>

<p>Just for the record…kids who have a lot of money can be VERY good friends, and wonderful people. This thread seems to imply that the “haves” won’t associate with the “have nots”…and sorry…in both of my kids’ cases…the KIDS really didn’t care.</p>

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<p>Agree with thumper. I think there are still many families who don’t flaunt their wealth and as a result their children don’t think too much about it or flaunt it either.</p>

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<p>I do know some kids who had condos purchased for them at your D’s college, THumper. But I agree it meant little or nothing to some kids I know who went there as well who were on financial aid. </p>

<p>If you want to stick with those in your own income bracket, it’s going to be a rather narrow venture. My son has two roommates right now. One comes from a very well to do family. That roommate also has the best paying job and can easily pay expenses, so it’s all gravy. The other one lives hand to mouth, and often is eating only because of the charity of the other two. Family can’t give a dime to the living expenses. Then there is my son, smack in the middle, barely making ends meet, but is doing so.</p>

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<p>Thumper, your D is very down to earth young lady. But, the reality is that she’s from an upper-middle class family. She’s not from a family that earns $17k per year. That’s a whole different situation. This kid has parents who can’t pay for anything…not a phone that breaks, not a cell phone plan, not a new laptop if the old one crashes, nothing. </p>

<p>if your D wanted a nice item (that isn’t outrageous), you could buy it for her…even if she needed to wait for B-day or holiday. or she could purchase it with her part-time job income because that isn’t going towards tuition. A low income kid doesn’t have those options.</p>

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<p>But we didn’t. Those things were on her dime.</p>

<p>I understand what folks are trying to say here…what <em>I</em> am saying…the STUDENTS don’t see the economic differences in their friends the same way as perhaps we adults might. My kid was friends with many kids who did not have smart phones…heck SHE didn’t have a smart phone, or a new laptop. And when DD’s (used) laptop did break…guess what she did…she went to the library computers just like MANY of her friends. </p>

<p>I don’t think we should project our financial values on our kids. I think our kids are MUCH less aware of their friends’ finances…as should be the case.</p>

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<p>Yes some of it DID go towards tuition.</p>

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<p>I think kids’ attitude depends on how family raises their children. My children attend school in one of the most expensive areas in Twin Cities. The school district is large (all subburbs though) and as a result there are kids from lower income families and there are kids from higher income families. My husband told me that when he drops our daughter off at her elementary school, there are plenty of very expensive cars and there are also many not so expensive ones, but there are certainly no junkers out there. </p>

<p>I can instantly assess the difference between parental income levels by what kind of birthday party is thrown for the child. Last year, my daughter attended a birthday party for her 7 year old friend at the friend’s house. There was live music (kid appropriate) and DJ. This is the family that throws large Holiday party, where their children’s classmates and their parents are always invited. I have no idea how much it costs them, but I assume not cheap as it includes entertainment for both kids and adults, as well as food and drinks (catered). One thing I noticed about the kids from that household, is that they are very grounded and very polite. They do not appear to be spoiled at all (and I have seen my share of spoiled kids). It appears that the parents (and grandparents - it is a close-knit family) are doing great job with the kids.</p>

<p>From what I see around me is that it is the middle class families that are spoiling their kids and not doing a good job to prepare the kids to be young adults. My son started volunteering at the library when he was 12. A friend of mine asked me last year why does he do that. I kid you not, but she could not understand my answer: “It teaches him to be responsible with not a lot of time commitment and he actually likes it”. But I probably should not be surprised, because the same woman thought that applying to work at McDonalds was beyond her 16 year child. She only advised him to apply to coffee shops. He is now at Community College because they cannot afford 4-year college, but at the same time they don’t make him work, because “at least he is doing great at school”. This kid has every expensive toy, both kids in the family wear designer clothes, but the family can only afford to pay for CC. Something is really wrong with this picture.</p>

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<p>I am confused as to how this thread went from talking about missing a FA deadline to talking about how some girls show off affluence. </p>

<p>Like mom2collegekids, I don’t have girls, so I personally cannot speak to the shopping habits of current college-aged girls. That said, I think there are only a certain type that may wear their $$ on their sleeve (or popped collar or what have you), and thats not the type I’d want my s’s hanging with, if I had a choice. My younger s’s roommates are from rather financially modest backgrounds and money for them is very tight. Outside of his roommates, I doubt he knows much about the financial situations of his friends. Even when my sons knew the vocations of their friends parents, it doesn’t guarantee what their financial situation is.</p>

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<p>That party with DJ for a seven year olds harks back to my post about flaunting wealth. No kid (I was going to say at that age, but really, at any age) needs a party with live music and a DJ; what is s/he going to expect when s/he turns seventeen? My kids went to a Quaker school which valued Simplicity, Peace, Integrity, Community and Equality. No family would have hosted such a party, regardless of income level, and many would have probably been embarrassed for anyone who did. And you would never be able to assess wealth by the parties parents hosted or, in most cases, by the cars they drove.</p>

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<p>1moremom,</p>

<p>from what I understand this particular family likes to entertain. They also can afford it. If the family can afford nice things, they should not feel guilty to spend money on those things.</p>

<p>And the kids in that entire extended family clan do not appear spoiled at all. I know that the older kids volunteer in the local food pantry and received many awards for community service. Also, all older kids work and are great students. </p>

<p>I am not sure what you would expect from family like that. Do you want them to give all their money away instead of enjoying their life? </p>

<p>.</p>

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<p>

I’ll try not to be offended by that.</p>

<p>:)</p>

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<p>Sylvan,</p>

<p>I am confused. Are you taking it as a complement because you have great kids (hence the smiley face) or I really offended you somehow. If I did, can you please elaborate?</p>

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<p>I agree that much depends on how the child is raised and the parent’s attitudes. My dearest friend is the nicest, most down to earth, kindest person you can imagine - would do anything for anyone. Her daughter, who went to live with her wealthy Dad when her parents divorced, is such and awful snob she makes me cringe. Case in point - last time I saw her she was telling me her fiancees parents live in “the Ghetto”. They actually live in a perfectly nice,normal neighborhood - just not a McMansion like her father has. I was appalled - I fantasize about taking spoiled brat self and dropping her off in an actual ghetto and leaving her there for an hour or so.</p>

<p>Of course her father and stepmom told her special needs brother that he and his Mom live in the ghetto when Mom had to downsize to a smaller house (though in a perfectly nice neighborhood), so you can see where she gets it from.</p>

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<p>We are waaaay off subject now. Lah, lah ,lah. </p>

<p>You miss a deadline, you risk getting nothing. You might, might get lucky and get treated like everyone else that met the deadline; yes, that can happen. But it is also possible you get penalized right down to getting naught.</p>

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<p>Certainly, the children of upper-middle class families who cut-back and live modestly to afford college don’t live extravagantly, but there’s still a vast difference between those children’s lives and the lives of children from families that earn less than $20k per year. </p>

<p>when we’re paying for our son’s med school, my child will never have the same worries that a child does whose parents are low income. My child knows that if “push came to shove”, and cash flow was a temporary issue, I can throw an expense on a credit card or dip into savings to cover something. My kid knows that I can pay to fly him home (which I already do for my grad school child). Low income kids just don’t have those same secure feelings.</p>