Fading in fateful mediocrity - please help light my path.

Parent Cafe
1

<p>Hello there Parents, </p>

<p>This relates to a post I made recently to the transfer students forum (<a href="http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=1529554%5B/url%5D"&gt;http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/showthread.php?t=1529554&lt;/a&gt;), but I realize that this may be more of a life-evaluation type of thing. I'm sure you or your children have all gone through something like this, so I'm hoping you can offer more rational, meaningful insight. (which will be greatly appreciated!) </p>

<p>Basically, as eluded to/practically spelled out in my previous threads, I'm an above average (but not brilliant) kid who feels utterly mediocre. To sum it all up, I'm the 27 ACT, 4.0 UW GPA kid who shied behind the lower-than-expected standardized test score by accepting a near full-ride to good-but-not-amazing state school in MI. I have a 3.96 GPA here due to harsh grading scales (a 94 is a 3.8 and a 97 a 3.9, which I have painfully experienced and have shed ridiculous tears over), and I feel like I'm not as promising as everyone thought I was in high school. I may try and SAY that I'm happy I followed the money and chose the state school that wanted me oh-so badly, but the truth is that fully, I'm not. </p>

<p>I've thought of a plethora of solutions to this, such as transferring to Western University in Canada, transferring to another MI state school, transferring to one of the flagships, studying abroad to do something different, etc. Naturally they're a bit extreme in their own rights, and naturally I don't know what I'm doing. </p>

<p>I like writing and am decent enough in math, but I ruined my math career by getting spooked out of Calculus my first semester due to rumors and disheartening class averages. I'm actually pretty good at French, too, but where could that get me? I was recruited by my cinema studies prof to pursue a major in that, but I'm unfamiliar with that field; my writing prof showed interest in my writing abilities, but I understand that I have a long ways to go yet; I'm a literature nerd but, again, where could that get me? </p>

<p>I feel like a jack of all trades and a master at none; I feel like the shining young student who perpetually dims and dissolves into the wake of the mere mediocrity that plagues us all. If life is truly a dream, then I feel as if I am in that hazy in-between stage where you squeeze your fingers and feel the rims of your pillow yet still see the swarming clouds of your unconscious desires. </p>

<p>Am I being over-dramatic on all of this? Am I missing an obvious solution? It doesn't help that I'm of a lower financial bracket, so I understand how carefully I must tread. </p>

<p>I'm sorry to rattle until the ends of time, but I really don't know where I'm going in life. I'm "that" kid who people say can be anything yet who's racing to find something. </p>

<p>Thank you so much.</p>

2

<p>I have a couple of thoughts. </p>

<p>First, what you’re going through is not unusual. You’re a smart kid who found college harder then expected (but is still doing very well) and who doesn’t know what to major in (but still has lots of interests.) If you think that description fits you, welcome to the club that has at least a million members! </p>

<p>You’re also quite down on yourself, possibly a bit depressed. But that’s OK too. For many people college years are fraught with anxiety and uncertainty. If you feel REALLY down or anxious, don’t hesitate to see a counselor at your school. He or she will have had plenty of experience helping students just like you. </p>

<p>I certainly wouldn’t advocate a transfer. The problem isn’t the school (at least it doesn’t sound like it is) but rather you trying - and at the moment not succeeding very well - to find yourself academically and perhaps emotionally. </p>

<p>Maybe a semester off will help; maybe taking subjects you actually like - French, literature - will improve your mood and self-esteem. Since you seem worried about what certain majors “will get you” maybe you could audit some classes to see if any more practical fields strike your fancy. </p>

<p>Meantime, try to take it easy on yourself. Be nice to yourself. See a counselor, maybe really talk seriously with a close friend or your parents. Just try to remember that being unclear about what you want to do or “be” is quite normal at your age. </p>

<p>Oh, and consider yourself hugged.</p>

3

<p>If your school did not routinely dispense grades, as Reed College does not, how would you feel about your effort & your education?</p>

4

<p>Take courses in what you love first, figure out ways to make a living with it later. In the meantime, do well–you are already doing well–take advantage of any and all opportunities to write and get published. Develop relationships with your professors. Explore. Don’t run up a lot of debt. It’s a good idea to have some quantitative skills to work with, too. Consider statistics and social sciences, if that interests you. Learn the basics of web design if you can. Do internships, volunteer, find ways to use your skills. Things will work out.</p>

<p>And take advantage of your school’s counseling services and career services earlier rather than later.</p>

5

<p>It sounds to me like the grade is critically important to you and that belief may be holding you back. You may learn more in a class where you struggle to earn a B (or, horrors, a C) than in an easy class where you earn that A. If you followed the money and will not have debt from college, what’s all the angst about? Take the classes you enjoy and explore options at using them in a marketable way. Visit the career counseling office of your university and look into internships. Going out there and experiencing different jobs and industries will often give you more direction than sitting in a classroom.</p>

6

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<p>I’m missing the problem. Is the problem that you expect to earn all A’s. </p>

<p>You seem to love A’s more than you love learning. It’s really not healthy outlook. You may be addicted to achievement, and it’s an addition that’s hard to feed throughout your life. You need to fix that. (By the way grading in Canada is much harsher). I agree that you should seem counseling.</p>

7

<p>Yah, it’s veering toward the overly dramatic, but that’s not so unusual for someone for your age when faced with some big unknowns. </p>

<p>Finding something you like isn’t easy. Letting go of the notion that A’s somehow matter isn’t easy. Visit campus counseling for some help with that. Visit career services and take some inventories to help steer you in a direction. I think once you find an interest, a lot of your malaise may cease.</p>

<p>You didn’t say a word about your social life. How have you adapted socially?</p>

8

<p>Most of us are pretty mediocre. Just get used to it.</p>

<p>That said, you seem like you’re doing pretty well from my point of view.</p>

9

<p>I think you meant “alluded” (not “eluded”).</p>

10

<p>opori2, I avoided Calc in HS too because I had heard it was so hard. Then when I took Chem in college I really paid for it since I had to memorize all the heat release formulas since I could not derive any of them.</p>

<p>What you are probably is risk adverse so when you get a little excited about an option you withdraw fearing you will be unsuccessful. </p>

<p>I suggest you meet with a college counselor/career counselor and discuss options, directions you should take now that you have been in college awhile, it is time to decide a path. You may have to make up your lack of math if you need it for that direction. Maybe shadow someone who is in the career you are contemplating to see if it appeals to you.</p>

<p>Then, jump in, take the chance. You can always go back to school or get other training if it turns out not to be right for you.</p>

11

<p>The first sentence in post #4 is spot on. And by the way, your musing:</p>

<p>“If life is truly a dream, then I feel as if I am in that hazy in-between stage where you squeeze your fingers and feel the rims of your pillow yet still see the swarming clouds of your unconscious desires.”</p>

<p>That was just a great thought, so well written.</p>

12

<p>This comment might add more stress, or might relieve stress, but your choice of a life partner may contribute as much to your future happiness and financial well being as your college GPA.</p>

<p>It was my experience that employers don’t look at GPA, and grad schools look to be sure you can be successful, but it is not like hs gpa when applying to college. Make sure that you are getting something out of your time in college. Avoid self destructive behaviors, take some chances and take advantage of the opportunities and you will find success.</p>

13

<p>Thank you all for your replies. I do believe that a lot of you are correct to say that grades matter more to me than what I actually learn. I do care about my education, of course, but all throughout high school, it was always “get the A, get the A” so that I could earn scholarships and attend college. </p>

<p>I guess it’s just that now that I’m here and doing well, what am I here for? I see so many people on this site that are so adamant on what they want to do and who they are; I see so much potential brimming with possibility. </p>

<p>I’ve so far found myself the most fascinated with writing, philosophy and cinema studies, but where could any of those get me? I also don’t want to be that unrealistic person majoring in underwater basket waving, so to speak. </p>

<p>I just want to do something prudent and cool and meaningful. How can any of those subjects match those guidelines? Or should I not be focusing on that?</p>

14

<p>And I’ve adapted okay socially. I have a few friends from high school that I started out with and have since expanded that to include some roommates of friends and classmates. </p>

<p>I’m not overly social or socially inept, but I am on the shy side. This will probably sound weird, but sometimes I enjoy my professors’ company more than my classmates’. I’ve been able to really connect with my instructors, which makes class a lot better in the long run. But sometimes, I find that it puts extra pressure on me because I want to go above and beyond for them, even when I can’t/shouldn’t. I don’t really know what that’s about, but hopefully I’ll outgrow it.</p>

15

<p>a tad melodramatic, maybe?</p>

16

<p>^ That’s what I was thinking. :slight_smile: </p>

<p>But that doesn’t have to be a bad thing. You seem to be well written enough to capture people’s attention (to both your situation and description), so why not go off of that? </p>

<p>Take some writing classes to see if you like it. Join an online writing site to have people critique your writing. Watch a lot of movies and write about them. Read a lot of philosophies and write about them. </p>

<p>Sometimes you don’t have a set plan, and sometimes you have to just go with your gut feeling about things.</p>

17

<p>You can write cerebral movie reviews. You can even write them underwater if you want.</p>

18

<p>I’m glad my life is so amusing. </p>

<p>I was just trying to switch it up. I could have the prose of an obnoxious, snobby prep school kid or a boring, syntax-trapped engineer if that would be better.</p>

19

<p>How about the prose of opori2?</p>

<p>I apologize for being frank, but you shouldn’t worry about what others think. Who cares if you’re “fading in fateful mediocrity”? YOU know how special you are and all of that fluff, and that’s all that really matters.</p>

<p>You’ll find your path eventually. Everyone does.</p>

20

<p>“Am I being over-dramatic on all of this? Am I missing an obvious solution? It doesn’t help that I’m of a lower financial bracket, so I understand how carefully I must tread.”</p>

<p>Yes, you are. I hate to break it to you on this forum, of all sites, but your success in life has very little to do with your college (or high school) grades. Sure, it could be an obstacle if you flunk out or do very poorly, but otherwise…not so much. Might affect what internships you get, and your first job, but that’s about it. Besides that, it’s many other more important factors. I suspect that you got plenty of gratification by doing well in high school, but I promise you this…after graduating college, just about NOBODY in the world wants to hear what your high school, or college GPA is. It’s your skills, personality, and experience. </p>

<p>Just figure out what brings you happiness and respect, what you wake up for in the morning. And do it.</p>