Not particularly good at anything - no passions - summer blues

Student Lounge College Life
1

Attend good school ( Top 20 ), honestly kind of got in on a fluke bc I applied ED. If they had interviewed me they probably wouldn’t have admitted me lol.

Just finished freshman year and after spending a lot more time alone this summer to think about myself, I’ve been down in the dumps a lot.

I LOVE college. Socially, I’ve been having an amazing time. Joined a fraternity, made very close friends. Couldn’t even consider transferring bc I’ve been very happy at school socially and don’t want to restart my social life. But now that I’m back home for the summer and have a bunch of time alone to think about myself, I kinda just realize how “meh” I am. I’ve been doing OK grade wise, but idk I’m losing faith in myself and my grades are getting very mediocre very quickly. ( Got a 3.9 GPA first semester with easy classes -> 2.8 second semester with somewhat difficult classes - 3.4 Cumulative ) With that GPA I might not even get admitted to my school’s business school.

What’s just frustrating is that everyone seems so passionate about something but I’m just too uninteresting, lazy, and sucky to care about anything. Everyone has interesting and cool things they’re doing this summer but I’m just moping working at SUBWAY ( tried the internship search and failed miserably ). I’ve been interested in Computer Science/Engineering but I’m just TOO SCARED to try them out now - I have never been naturally good at math and I’m scared that trying the courses out will put a W on my transcript or F up my GPA, screwing myself over and blocking me out from my school’s business school. I’m thinking about learning how to code, but what if I actually enjoy it and try to pursue it in college and just have my dreams crushed again by the intro CS weed-out course? I am just pessimistic and overly-anxious which makes me lazy and I don’t know how to get out of it!

I just wish I had strengths. Thought I was naturally very good at writing but was convinced otherwise basically after I got my first couple of papers back with very mediocre grades. I’m not BAD at science/math/problem-solving, but I’m definitely not talented in them. Despite being in a fraternity and all, I have pretty severe social anxiety (comes from history of stuttering/abuse) that I mostly hide with substances to fit in ( really sad I know ), and worst of all I stutter, in which no one takes me seriously. I’m not talented at anything, but I’m not well rounded. I kind of just exist. I’m pretty socially awkward too, despite my pretty pathetic craving of social validation.

I came into college thinking I was going to become a successful investment banker/consultant, but after a C in my Financial Accounting course, the odds of that happening just became much slimmer. If I’m not a naturally extroverted charismatic guy, that’s fine, but if my analytic abilities/intellect isn’t good either, what the hell do I have to offer?

I feel like a lot of people start to figure things out by the end of freshman year but it just left me more confused unsure and unconfident

My parents want me to have an income of AT LEAST 70-80k by the time I graduate. I’m an only child and they literally gave up everything for me to go to school at such a fancy school ( we’re pretty poor compared to most rich private school students ). When I’m home for the Summer they pressure me A LOT to do well; honestly if I ended up “middle class”, they’d probably be pretty dissappointed in me. I just don’t want to let them down and spend my life destroyed by the 30k in debt I had to go through. I’m just scared my personality just isn’t good enough for a corporate setting - no one takes me seriously bc I’m just a goofy lackadaisical dude who is socially awkward and stutters. I’m depressed this summer, having an identity crisis, and am incredibly worried about the future - so much so that it’s made me kind of give up. I don’t know how to get motivated again.

2

First of all, the positives–you LOVE your school, you are doing well socially, and you came out of your freshman year with a 3.4 which is a mighty fine GPA given the steep learning curve that is freshman year. That’s a lot, and those are just the major positives that you mentioned above. If I reread your post I could probably find some more.

Where you are making some mistakes in your thinking–you seem to think you have to have everything figured out by this time in your life. Well life isn’t discrete and all or nothing like that. It’s a process, it is ever changing. You are what, all of 19 years old? You have a lifetime ahead of you to figure out who you are and what your passions are. Some others around you may appear to have it all together, but I would venture to guess that there are more students like you who have a lot of uncertainties than there are those who seem very certain. And among the very certain group, some are going to enter the field that they are so certain about now and end up hating it. Also, you seem to think if you don’t excel in a certain introductory level class that you are shut out of those careers. That is simply not true. You need to learn the material, but you don’t have to have straight As or perfect feedback on papers not to pursue financial accounting or writing. Lastly, if you do your best, your parents will not be disappointed in you. They have no control over what your salary will be in the future. In fact, if you were truthful about how you are feeling this summer, they may be the people in the best position to help you get through this slump.

Your social anxiety and stuttering have not prevented you from succeeding socially in college (which by the way was a huge risk given these two diagnoses), so it is possible for you to work on these things in a way that you can succeed in whatever career fields that you end up in.

There are likely resources to help you at your school. Your school health center probably has student counseling services that may be beneficial for helping you to work on reducing the barriers that you feel are the result of your social anxiety as well as screen you for depression or other mental health issues. In addition, you school’s career center may have resources to help you with career exploration and strategies for getting to the type of career you want.

Truthfully, there seems to be too much idealization of what the “college experience” is, the concept of having to do something with your life that is a “passion,” and that your whole life has to look like a Pinterest page. There’s nothing wrong with being an ordinary college student who has a good time at school, who finishes with a degree of some kind, and works toward a satisfying job and living independently. (And there are probably far more rising college sophomores working some place like Subway than there are doing fancy internships and high end things).

3

Okay, put down the wet noodles. Put away the violin. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and stop the pity party. If you were accepted to a top 20 school with nothing special about you, then you are there ONLY because they liked you, they liked what you had to offer and they thought you could handle it. You know they could have offered your place to ten other students at least and didn’t. You are there.

So what if the others are doing internships this summer and you work at Subway. Good for you, you are working. And you are still young. Your path will become more and more clear as you mature. I didn’t figure out what I wanted to do unitl I was nearly fifty. There’s no time limit, there’s no rush. Enjoy your classes, explore your options, be open to new things. Save your subway money and go travel the world. Do it while you are young, free and single. You are not tied down to a boring job yet. That’s good! Your youth is fleeting. Do a bunch of fun stuff and let life happen.

4

@TheBud , I don’t have any excellent advice for you. But two reactions, from a complete stranger on the internet, after reading your heartfelt post.

  1. I took a liking to you. Why? I guess because you are so transparent, so vulnerable, so lacking in bravado. You are a person that I think I could talk to. If I were on your campus and you were around, I'd feel like you could be a friend. I wouldn't be scared of you, despite my own physical/social awkwardnesses, because you seem so real. Don't underestimate your power to be a good friend.
  2. Partway into your post, I found myself thinking you were an effective writer, so when I got to the point where you said you thought you WEREN'T a good writer, I was surprised. I thought you laid out your case convincingly. Though what you wrote about is painful, I enjoyed the process of reading it. So ... maybe a different kind of writing from what you've already tried would suit you? Or a different professor might appreciate and guide you better?

Again, no solutions here, just thoughts. You strike me as a likable person with some talent. Probably more talents than either you or I can imagine at this point. I hope you don’t give up on yourself.

5

I felt the same way you do at many points in college (hopeless about the future but convinced that I was both not good at anything and too lazy to change). Perhaps you’re dealing with clinical depression or anxiety; you should visit your school’s counseling center if it has one. At the very least, you need to learn to interrupt the cycle of negative thoughts that magnifies every failure, minimizes every success, and convinces you that you can’t do anything. It used to get very bad for me over the summers too, when I had more time to ruminate on those kinds of thoughts. A counselor can help put a lot of those thoughts in perspective. For example:

Many, many people don’t know what they want to do for a career at this point in their lives. Also, many people think they know what they want and then change trajectories completely later on. Regardless, you don’t need to concern yourself with where other people are at this point. You may be “behind” some of your colleagues, but you’re also ahead of many who aren’t even concerned about doing well in school or thinking about careers.

You say you’re interested in Computer Science/Engineering. So you do care about something, and you could be passionate about it if you let yourself be. Meanwhile, is finance actually your dream because you love the subject matter? Or are you just doing it because you feel it’s easier to attain / it’s what your parents want / it sounds prestigious / it’s a well-paying field? If you want to do Computer Science/Engineering but are aiming for a career in banking/consulting, then you’re working against your own strengths and interests.

The only way to get out of your lack-of-motivation-funk is to force yourself to sign up for the course. Don’t wait until you feel confident about your decision to do it; you’ll never reach that point. You can take some free online courses over the summer and teach yourself how to code in the language(s) the intro class will teach. You can go to office hours, get tutoring, get help from peers, etc. But if you let the fear stop you from trying, you’re 1. never going to move closer to your goal, 2. going to be frustrated with yourself, and 3. still not guarantee that you’ll get to business school, because there will be other difficult courses that could potentially “screw you over.”

It’s very likely that you do have strengths that you’re just unable to see. Social anxiety makes you feel like everyone is judging you and “not taking you seriously” when that isn’t the case most of the time. Try asking other people who are close to you what your strengths are. For example, I consider myself extremely socially awkward as well. I thought that my friends were just putting up with me because I stayed quiet and never contributed to conversations. But when I asked them about it, they were surprised I felt that way. They never got the impression that I was awkward at all, and appreciated the fact that I was a great listener! Also, being “not bad” at science and math at a Top 20 school means you’re better than a lot of people. And writing grades don’t say that much about the quality of your writing; each teacher has different preferences and expectations.

I understand the pressure that parents can put on their children, and I understand your desire to make them proud because you feel like you’ve already burdened them because they’ve sacrificed so much. But they sacrificed so that you could have a “good life” or a “better life than they did.” They want to put you in a position where you can be happy, have access to all the opportunities available (so that you can be whatever you want to be), and be financially stable, in that order. Work on finding out what you want to do and on being happy with yourself, and the money will work itself out.

6

Trust me, you have plenty of time to figure out your calling. You know people make career changes like in their 40s sometimes right?

You really don’t have to go into college with your life planned out. In fact, it’s not recommended.

I know that feeling of not having any passion. But college is just one big adventure. Passions change.

Keep on the track you’re on and keep your mind open. You’ll figure it out!

7

It’s easy to look at everything through a negative lens. But now that you’ve done that, move on, and start looking at things realistically (which is often more optimistic than you would think).

You go to a great school. You’re loving your time there. That’s half the battle freshman year, so congratulations!

Analyze why you did worse your second semester compared to your first. Were you spending too much time on your social life and in your fraternity? Were there a couple classes that you just couldn’t wrap your mind around no matter how hard you tried? Were things happening in your personal life? Was second semester just a fluke? You clearly are capable of getting higher grades; some semesters are just worse than others and it’s worth it to take a step back and see if you can figure out why (and sometimes it’s a bunch of reasons, or no real reason at all).

Of course there are things you’re good at. You didn’t get into this school on a fluke; they saw something in you. It’s perfectly normal to be shocked freshman year when suddenly you realize you aren’t as amazing as high school primed you to be. As are harder to come by, papers are graded more harshly, etc. I went into college with the awareness that I wasn’t going to be as smart as everyone else, and I was still shocked when I realized how far behind my peers I actually was (or at least how I felt I was). It took me years to be able to gain the courage to say anything in class, but eventually I realized that I was just as smart and capable as everyone around me, even if they acted more confident than I felt.

I would be very surprised if your parents actually cared what you make right out of college. I also felt a lot of subconscious pressure from my parents to do well and get a good job because of how much money they were putting into my education. But they’re sending you to school so you can learn and figure out your passions and get a job you love. Yeah, we would all love to make $80K right after graduation, but for most of us, it’s not going to happen. If they explicitly say that to you, try to paint the reality of post-grad life for them. Give them starting salary and mid-career salary statistics for whatever major you choose (I bet your college posts them somewhere). If they didn’t go to college themselves, they may be unaware of what life is like after college and the different paths you might choose (straight into the workplace, grad school, gap years, etc.). If they don’t explicitly mention your salary, then don’t worry about it. That shouldn’t be what drives you right now.

Finally, it is PERFECTLY NORMAL to not know what you’re passionate about at the end of freshman year. I didn’t declare a major until the last possible day I was allowed to (last day of sophomore year) and I spent every day leading up to that unsure of what I wanted to study. Even once I declared, it took another semester before I figured out what specific areas interested me (which happened to be located in a different major within my university), and I was able to better narrow down internship searches and I did much better in class because I was actually passionate about what I was learning. You’re still exploring, so take those CS courses even if they scare you, go out on a limb, challenge yourself, don’t stick to what you think you’re supposed to like. You’ll figure it out eventually.

8

Lots of really good replies and thoughts so far, but just wanted to add that it may take you another few semesters to figure out what you want to do. And you may graduate and realize you want to do something else, which is fine! Young people tend to carry a lot of stress and pressure over what they’re going to do. I get that. I’m in graduate school and still don’t know what I exactly want to study, and I accept that. It’ll come with time. One day you’ll read something and get a brilliant thought about something, and then bam – there’s your MA thesis. Sometimes it happens like that.

You seem like a very self-aware individual, so use that to your advantage! Listen to yourself and follow your heart with what you want to do. Sometimes our talents are hidden from our view because they come so naturally to us. As a writing instructor, I feel that your writing is clear and has a unique voice. Academic writing is really hard for students. It’s honestly a specific genre with special rules, and a lot of the students I’ve worked with need time and practice to figure it out. I’m sure you can get there, so if writing is something that interests you, don’t let one course/some bad comments deter you.

Hang in there!

9

If you can see a therapist to talk, do so. It might help.

Now the posts telling you don’t need to have everything all figured out by the end of your first year in college are absolutely correct. You don’t. But it’s also true that not everyone actually has this ONE thing that they are a superstar doing.

True story: A long time ago, I had my then high school age kid take one of those tests that measures aptitudes and tells you what sort of jobs might be good fits. (Not everyone believes in these tests.) On a battery of tests, my kid’s scores were all 5% or below or 89% or above–not average at anything. Out of curiosity, my kid asked “Do you ever test anyone who scores average in everything?” “Yes.” What do you recommend they do? “They make wonderful business managers and that’s the path we suggest they pursue.”

So, assuming–which may really not be true; I don’t know–that you’re “just” average at everything, don’t assume that’s some huge negative it. It isn’t. That may seem odd to you, but I assure you it’s true.

Again, a long time ago, I dated a scientist who worked doing research for a major corporation. His boss was someone who had a scientific background, but wasn’t good enough to make it as a research scientist. He switched into management and was a star. It was his job to make sure that the scientists under him kept research projects within budget, didn’t go off on tangents into areas that weren’t of interest to the company, and got them to describe their work in terms non-scientists could understand. Some of the scientists who had to work under him resented it because they saw him as less intelligent than they were, but the truth of the matter was he was very, very good at his job and some of the more reasonable scientists came to understand that the company might have pulled the plug on funding some of their projects if he hadn’t intervened and explained the possible long term pay off for the company. Some of them were brilliant men, but they were just plain lousy at communicating with people who don’t have a strong scientific background.

Again, I’m not saying you’re right in your self-analysis. I don’t know whether you are. But even if you are, it’s not this horrible fate you’re imagining.

I would make one suggestion. When you get back to school, march yourself over to career services and ask them if they offer any aptitude/interest tests or any other services that can help you figure out a career path. Take advantage of everything offered. Be respectful to the staff. I’m always flabbergasted by the number of students who don’t drop by career services until fall of senior year. I’m not promising you a panacea, but how can it hurt to find out what resources are offered?

Good luck!

10

Wow, @jonri, great post!

For me, I would say I’m just an average structural engineer. I tend to get overwhelmed by the “big picture” of things. “Here, design this building” tends to freak me out. BUT I’m good at details. So I’ve started detailing precast concrete. It’s a job usually done by people with associate’s degrees. But I can charge a lot per hour, because my clients know I will get the precast drawings done correctly. I can look at the construction documents and ask questions that make the job go more smoothly in the long run. I think everyone has to figure out what he or she enjoys and is good at. Just because it’s not what everybody else is doing is OK. Going to career services is an excellent idea. Good luck!