Also, why are you studying online instead of on campus? That small change might make all the difference for your success at your community college. You would have ready access to counseling services, the gym/pool for extra exercise, and you could check out one or two career-focused programs in between your other classes.
@MAandMEmom where do you find a teaching gig like that? That’d be pretty sweet. I spend more time than I should talking to English language learners so that could be the ideal situation.
@austinmshauri I do talk to him about my issues (my counselor) but as counselors do, he very much wants me to look inside and figure out myself why things aren’t working. I’ve tried that. I can be introspective, but I don’t know what to do after a certain point. At this point after seeing him for two or three years, I don’t know if it’s helping even if my parents say it is because I just use him as someone to seek help, but then I don’t know what to do with the help he offers. The only physical issue I could think I might have is one of my legs is shorter than the other, but not by much. However it’s enough that you would notice it. I haven’t seen an appropriate doctor since I was maybe thirteen for this. Is this what you mean by “physical”?
@Postmodern I wonder what it will take for me to be ready then. I have already worked retail/customer-facing jobs since I was eighteen and despite not being able to escape it, I still don’t leave. So the motivation is not enough even when it bothers me.
@blossom I don’t know, to be honest. Maybe when I got hired for my job on the weekdays? I don’t know if it was a full physical, though. Just something where they tested your strength because the job required being able to lift a certain amount of pounds. I passed it (obviously). I am overweight by a lot, though - at least to me. By at least 40 pounds. I gained it all after (and during) my first stint in college, presumably from the stress.
@happymomof1 My parents won’t let me quit the job I work during the weekdays which has benefits. It has a really inconvenient schedule for going to school. Also the community college was really expensive compared to the one I ended up picking out, which is currently $60 a credit.
Thank you all for the lovely responses. I really appreciate them.
OP- an actual physical with blood work.
You could have a thyroid condition which is easily corrected with the appropriate medication; could be any one of a number of things (I’m not a doctor and don’t want to diagnose you over the internet) but you might consider a real physical. A doctor can also help get you back on track with your nutrition.
Please get yourself evaluated for ADD and depression. Either or both of those things could be contributing to your situation.
Also, you’re not stupid, and you don’t have to be on a career track at your age. Lots of people need years to figure this stuff out.
But since I’m a pushy mother, I’m going to give you some advice: do not quit to “go find yourself.” Your self is always wherever you are. So if you start a new anything, make sure it has a specific purpose (for example, medical tests to find out if you have ADD, a job that pays more, classes you are actually interested in, a seminar that teaches an actual skill, like basic carpentry.)
It is absolutely okay to be immature and lost, but it is not okay to stay there.
OP, we can’t diagnose you online. However, you are demonstrating symptoms that people with ADHD and people with depression also often show. Both of those diagnoses are amenable to medication and to therapy in many cases. For that reason, we think it would be wise to rule out ADHD and depression. What does your medical coverage look like?
Your primary care doctor can diagnose ADHD with a questionnaire. There is actually no reliable test for ADHD. Even better, a psychiatrist experienced in treatment. As the parent of a kid with ADHD, you sound like a person who might benefit from getting that diagnosed. There is help. One sign is inability to do things one doesn’t feel interested in.
The lack of direction you feel is suffered by many many young people. I once read that young people have maximum energy and minimum direction, and older people have maximum direction and minimum energy.That pretty much describes the arc of my life!
I know kids who have followed all kinds of paths and ultimately find their way. One (with ADHD and some other issues) did college for one year, came home and did some community college, worked some menial jobs and got appreciated, and is now doing a degree completion program at a good college while working in the field she wants . Granted, I believe this took 8 years…
Many like online courses because they lay out the syllabus, the assignments, the expectations. It helps to have good discussions. You do lose out on personal connections but it isn’t a bad way to take classes, and many degrees are entirely online now. If you had treatment for ADHD, IF that is an issue for you, you would be able to focus on these.
Some of your depression seems to stem from being trapped at home. You can find roommates on Craigslist or other sites. Maybe soon you could think about living elsewhere but it is also okay to be home if it works- if.
As for health insurance, I don’t know what state you are in but in our state, a person over 18 can have their own plan through Medicaid or through the Affordable Care Act plans. The premiums are low on the latter, for those with lower incomes. You can usually talk to a financial counselor at a hospital or community health center,depending on the state.
There are jobs you could try. EMT, or certified nursing assistant (Red Cross had a one month training and often CNA;s then get trained on EKG, phlebotomy, other skills). Lenscrafters has on the job training. Rental car agency. Hotel reception. Some of these can lead to management.
If you have time, you can intern or volunteer and find interests that way. In all kinds of fields. Animal shelter? Hospital?
Things WILL work out.
I think you should consider not going to college right now. I’ve worked with a lot of people who couldn’t be succesful the first or second or third time around – but that doesn’t mean they were doomed. They needed clarity about their goals, confidence in their abilities, and interest in moving forward. All of those at the same time can be hard to come by, but if you are persistent it can happen. If you arent in college right now, that can be okay. Be careful of for-profit schools, but online education can be fabulous if you choose to go that route.
Keep the job, keep trying volunteer stuff until you find something you like, get an actual thorough physical exam from an MD and tell that person all your concerns.
And remember that life is long, and rarely linear. You are neither worthless nor without potential. You are a beautiful person, unique and precious and struggling, but the only person just like you on the planet – irreplaceable.
@Massmomm I know, I’m kind of afraid to go places, too. I was just thinking of mostly going to my sister’s place in the Northwest, because she’s been asking me to come. That’s adventurous enough for me.
@“Cardinal Fang” I honestly don’t know. I think I have a $5,000 deductible, but I’m not even sure what “deductible” means. My parents helped me sign up for insurance, but without me understanding what’s going on. I have vision and dental and health, and I think free or low cost life through the district. I don’t want to be diagnosed here, though I am anxious for answers.
@compmom I work seven days a week for a total of 36.25 hours in a good week between two jobs, both of which have awkward hours. So volunteering is awkward. And my parents strongly advise against me quitting my jobs even if I’m trying to apply for a better opportunity. It’s a good suggestion, though. I’d like to do more things than just work and school and grind. And I like how online classes are laid out, too. But it’s also a weakness, since I keep giving myself more and more time to not do what’s needed…
@greenbutton You’re the first person that’s told me to keep the job. I just have to work on getting my parents to be more flexible with allowing me to do different things. Right now I work one job during weekdays and one during weekends, at times when people usually volunteer. I’m kind of tired of pressing buttons on the screen as a cashier, as I’ve been doing the same repetitious thing for almost two years without moving to other areas of the restaurant. Not long for some people, but long for me as a young person.
I’ve been trying to schedule a dentist’s, doctor’s, and all manner of appointments for months but have never gotten around to it. I always find an excuse not to. I don’t currently have an adult doctor. So I’ll have to go on a search. I’ve gotten some good things from these responses, so thank you. I always cause drama, but at least this is a more savory Internet forum than some and I haven’t been told to hurt myself yet.
If you have an Affordable Care Act health insurance policy, which it sounds like you do, you have one free checkup per year. If you haven’t gotten your checkup for this year, consider scheduling one before the end of the year. I got diagnosed and medicated for depression at a checkup, and that might happen to you as well. It would certainly be worthwhile to bring the subject up if you went in for a checkup. At the same checkup, bring up ADHD.
A “deductible” is the amount of money you have to pay for health care before your insurance kicks in. But some things, such as the checkup I mentioned and also vaccinations , are free for people with ACA plans. (Get your flu shot!)
I was not suggesting that you quit your jobs.
OP, as someone said, we can’t diagnose you on the internet. A few questions –
How old are you? Many people diagnosed with adult adhd have great difficulty executing plans , especially with a schedule. That’s “executive function” that isn’t functioning. Being unable to complete tasks, etc often leads to frustration and sadness and it’s not unusual to become clincically depressed. These are things for a doctor to help you with.
I think keeping one of the jobs is a good idea because you need a reason to get up and get out of the house. Money is better than no money. Many jobs are boring and uninteresting but NO job is even more so. A job also gives you something to be proud of – you arent sitting on a couch playing video games. You arent out partying. Your employer has kept you on for two years because you show up, do your work reliably, and learn. You know how many people won’t do that? Hold your head up and own that. Take a longer view.
When you find it hard to get things done, it sometimes means you’ve made Step 1 too big. Instead of “address my physical health” for example, maybe Step 1 should be " find a doctor’s phone number and write it down". I would also sit down with parents and say you’ve decided to start working on these things, and want their support but will do it without them if you have to. Would you characterize them as worried, controlling, or helpful?
Hang in there. I would hug you if I could, but hold out your arms, here comes a virtual (hug)
Don’t feel guilty about leaving your family.
You are not supposed to support them. They are supposed to support you through their work insurance to the age of 26.
Your community college should have all types of classes and they should be able to test you for a possible disability. It is upposed to be included in your fees.
@compmom I know you weren’t, but I was thinking if I wanted to volunteer I’d have to because my current schedule doesn’t allow me to volunteer because of the hours I have. I’m sorry if you feel offended by what I said.
@greenbutton I’m 21. I got mostly As in high school, but high school is a lot easier than college in my opinion. I took a few AP classes, but even then I needed some help with the subject matter. Some of the regular classes I needed help with, too, especially ones that had math in them. I relied on my friends a lot because I could only rely on my dad for math he remembered. We even bought programs that would solve homework problems for me so I could try to learn from them, because I was that stumped with Algebra. My mom also says it’s good I show up every day, but if it weren’t for my mom or dad helping me stay on track I’d probably be late to work every day. I just don’t see how a job is important yet, I guess. I’ve tried to tell them to let me learn by myself what consequences are, but they won’t let me, probably out of worry. But at times I’d describe them as controlling too. I probably just don’t understand their motives. Since I’m the baby of the house I have their full attention and they talk to me a lot, and listen to me when I have a problem. But I just don’t know if they understand what I’m going for. Granted, I’m not even sure, but I’m trying. Thank you for the support.
@“aunt bea” I don’t really support my family. I just kind support myself with the things I can. I buy gas for my car, buy some food sometimes, pay for insurance (all types), some doctor’s visits, pay half of the cost of repairs for my car, pay for car insurance, probably other things I’m forgetting. I have a pretty good life. They’ve allowed me to save up over $15,000 over the course of three years since I graduated high school. I just feel I’m not thankful enough and never will be.
I know I’m immature, guys. The problem I’m having here is whether I continue school to get the AA, just to have something to do, because I’ll feel bored and my parents will probably wonder what I’m doing with my life. I’ve never been one to throw myself into my hobbies because I never get anywhere, and my parents would probably say it’s a waste of time and not the biggest priority anyway.
About the Fs, try to see what you can do to drop the courses or get a W.
Take a break from college and work. Then don’t do online learning- it works for some but not for everyone.
Stores might be looking for more help with the holiday season coming up.
Online learning is not ideal for people like you, @chileb. It’s too easy to put off listening to the lectures and doing the work. Like others, I think right now you are not in a good place to be trying to continue your education. It can wait.
You’ve done some reflection and have a good understanding of your problems. Now you need to get a good understanding of what other people like you do to get around these problems. You’re not the only one who procrastinates and can’t keep a schedule. You’re not the only one who was thrown out of school for not passing courses. Been there, done that.
@“Cardinal Fang” What my parents don’t like is me quitting, because they think I’ll never return. My sister promised to return to get her Master’s degree but it’s been ten years and now that she has a child she’ll probably never go back. She’s so devoted to her daughter she wouldn’t risk their time together for doing assignments. So they’re afraid if I take a break to pursue something more focused, I’ll do the same. I spent about a year out of school before I realized my ACT scores would expire and I’d have to take an Accuplacer I wouldn’t pass (most likely). So up until now, I have a history of returning.
I have about 64 credits if I pass these classes, which may or may not be possible. I was planning on transferring to a four-year next semester, but my parents keep pushing me to get an AA when I just wanted to transfer directly. I’m so close to a milestone (if you could call it that). I just want it, but not enough.
In the past few days I’ve been thinking about what you’ve all told me, and I’ve been applying for other jobs that are more aligned with my interests like assistant English teacher. I’ve also been looking into the CELTA certification and and the JET program, when I’ve been adventurous. I asked my parents if they thought I could pass my classes better in a brick-and-mortar school, and they said no, the classes are the same either way, I’m just lazy and immature. And yet they keep pushing me to go further. So I kind of stopped in my tracks looking for a job that would allow me to take classes at a physical school then. But I think I’ve been suffering from not having the more structured social life. I haven’t made any friends at work, either job. Everything’s so busy, and in some cases I feel the age difference contributes to some difficulties. But I could be assuming things ignorantly.
Anyway, I’m trying this time to listen to your advice. I’m just getting support in the ways I wouldn’t want it, I guess. If I’m out of line, let me know.
All I want is the 2.0 to enter the four-year university.
I’m sorry your parents are doing things such as calling you “lazy and immature.” Parents shouldn’t do that. I admire your courage in coming to this forum and sharing some difficult truths about your life. That’s not an easy thing to do.
@rosered55 Thank you. Perhaps I should be less honest, haha. And I am pretty lazy and immature, so it’s not far off.
I think I’ve decided to cram all the work in to see what grades I can get because of how close I am. But I don’t know what to do after.
Your parents opinion about how you’ll do is less important than how YOU think you’ll do. Don’t let their worries become your reality. You are holding down jobs, have a lot of self-awareness, and you are so young. There’s a lot of good stuff ahead of you.
You don’t know what to do next? Imho, you don’t need to know that yet. One step at a time. You’ll kmow more further down the road, so it’s okay to wait to get there.
ANd you are right — college IS a lot harder than high school.
@greenbutton I had to think of how to reply to this since I didn’t want to drag the conversation on and seem needy. I’m a planner. I like to plan what courses and what jobs and tasks I’ll take or do in advance. So it’s very hard for me to see things as “one step at a time”. How could I take things slower? I feel like if I don’t know what I’m doing, I have no purpose and no reason to be alive. That’s how I’ve felt since I graduated high school and I think that’s the reason I keep failing my courses.
Self-awareness is something I prioritize. I want to be as self-aware as can be.
Thank you for being so kind.