Failed out of college once... now for round two

Parents Forum
1

I failed out of college once by getting almost straight Fs for two semesters my freshman year. I got one C-. I got some kind of strict academic probation - something. I don’t remember what it was called. So I dropped out. Then about two years later I dropped back in to community college and then got virtually all As. But this semester I have all Fs again.

I keep telling my parents I don’t want / can’t do this college thing. I’m not mature enough. But my life without a degree will be miserable. It already is, but it’s just not real for me. I grew up pretty spoiled. But my parents freak out every time I suggest moving out to get a taste of real life, or going on a trip for a couple weeks to find myself, or… anything really.

I don’t know what to do since I don’t know what I want to do. I see a counselor to help me make decisions, but so far I’m not good at making them even with help.

If you need details, I can try to be less vague in a vague way.

What do I do? I’m in so much trouble. I’m dumb. I’m worthless.

2

If you got A’s for a semester then I’m guessing you can succeed in college if you put your mind to it. But if you don’t feel college is the right path for you that is your choice – but then you need to find a job where you can support yourself before you want to move out or go on a vacation.

3

I have two part-time jobs right now. I make $1,300 a month. Not enough. I want to find what I want to do so I can get a good job. But there’s nothing for me to do. I have no interests. I don’t know why I’m in college if I don’t know what I’m doing. Doing coursework is like pulling teeth, and has been ever since I re-entered college. All my classes are online, and I can’t manage my work by myself. I never feel like I have enough time, but obviously I should have enough with minimal responsibilities and not a lot of time at work.

Thank you for the reply.

4

Rather than focusing on “college” , perhaps you can focus on “post-secondary education” opportunities. To share an example from my own family, my own brother (who never did well in school) went to appliance repair school after HS when my parents insisted on him doing something educational after HS. He got a job in that field, but really found his passion a few years later when he got a job in a restaurant and discovered he loved cooking. He then went to culinary school and aced his classes (even the math-related ones, which amazed everyone) and has been happily and successfully employed as a chef for many years. There are a lot of vocationally-related programs–many of those opportunities are available through community college (which may be a safer bet than many of the for-profit schools that dominate this area).

An alternative would be to find a job related to your chosen profession and work on your degree one class at a time, building both education and experience in that field until you are qualified to move up the ladder. The best example I can think of is working as an instructional assistant in a school while working on a degree to become a teacher, but I’m sure there are others.

You are not dumb and worthless. You just have not found your path yet.

I did want to ask if you have been screened or evaluated for ADHD or any other learning disabilities–these could explain some of your difficulties. If this is the case, proper treatment could go a long way in supporting school success.

5

Maybe your issue is that you don’t have the discipline to do online courses.

6

Some thoughts

  1. Maybe online courses aren’t for you. I am an engineer, got through college in 4 years, but know that self-paced online courses would be TERRIBLE for me. I need the structure of a course otherwise I would procrastinate.

  2. If you are going to college, I would try to make that your primary focus…not working two part time jobs.

  3. Is college for you? What about welding/plumbing/electrician? Perhaps one of those types of jobs would be better for you.

7

Great advice and insight above.

I have two degrees and could not have done it on-line. I like to sit right in front of the professor and can remember what is said in lectures. Are you depressed? You are definitely not dumb or worthless. Where you doing online classes when you earned all As? What was different between the two semesters? I think a trade might be the answer, especially one that creates a path to you owning your own business.

8

You’re not dumb or worthless but you are immature. No point in going to college if you don’t own your life first.

The question is how to you become more mature. You need to move out, meet some people, and do something useful, and build a life.

One option is the military. Another is Americorps.

Check out opportunities on
https://my.americorps.gov/mp/listing/publicRequestSearch.do

These provide a stipend, insurance and living arrangements. Not much money, but a lot of maturity. Maybe the experience will help you develop interests and some marketable skills.

How about FEMA Corps
https://my.americorps.gov/mp/listing/viewListing.do?id=80489
Instead of being the disaster, you learn marketable skills necessary to mitigate disasters.

Good luck. When you return from your tour of duty, you can reevaluate what you want to do. You will be more skilled, more mature and less spoiled, I can guarantee it.

9

I know someone in your situation. He simply took the bull by the horns. He dropped out, got a full time job, and moved in with friends. He only told his parents about all this after the fact. (He moved out while they were at work.) It wasn’t a good full time job, and it wasn’t an ideal housing situation (in a distant suburb, to keep the costs down) but it was something he did on his own and he felt pride in having made tough decisions, and made a less-than-cushy situation work out. He did a tremendous amount of growing up very quickly, and afterwards his parents said it was the right thing for him to have done.

So my thought is - go for it. You CAN go back to school once you’re ready.

10

Consider getting an AA degree from the community college.

11

My plumber earns more than I do, with a fancy PhD. Business course in. CC can be most helpful. Don’t waste $$ on college if the purpose is not clear

12

I often say I have no interests. I like languages, but I’m not fluent in any besides English. So I can’t get a job as an interpreter or a teacher. It would be my dream to make a college that was accredited for earning degrees in different languages from different languages. So if you’re an English-speaking native, and want to learn Chinese, we have a degree for you. Or if you’re a Chinese-speaking native, and want to learn English, we have a degree for you. I also thought about opening a music site where you could learn about music (behind a tiny, choose-your-own price paywall), discuss it, and read critiques about its structure and why it sticks in your mind from the mind of a theoretician. But I have no coding skills or knowledge of business, and no discipline to learn about those.

I’ve looked at trades, and I don’t think I’m suited for those since I have no practical life skills that would be conducive to me learning something so technical and handsy.

The A classes were online classes as well, but I did my fair share of procrastinating during that time, too.

My parents always say things that are vaguely guilt-trippy, or maybe they just seem that way because I can’t make a decision. “It’s your /choice/ to quit your job, but…” or “You /can/ quit college, but…”

And they say I’m not financially secure enough to move out. I don’t have any friends to move in with.

My unhappiness with the whole of my life situation and their comments leads to many fights, but I don’t know how to fix it.

I have not been tested for any learning disabilities to my knowledge, and it’s occurred to me that I should do this, but every time I mention it to my parents, they get angry and adamantly disagree with my suggestion that I could have something like discalculia (since I can barely do mental math in my head) or ADHD (or have trouble paying attention). I probably don’t, but getting the tests done would reassure me.

I should mention my family is middle class, but just barely. The reason my parents freak out every time I say I want to quit my job is because they can’t afford to pay for my college and they don’t have the means to pay for my insurance, so I have to have a job at all times to pay for these things. That’s what they say.

13

Go teach English in China or Africa. You’d get paid more if you had a degree, but you can get hired without one. You’d get to see what it’s like to move out and if traveling is something you like.

Drive a truck.

Go to Alaska and work on a fishing boat for the season.

14

@twoinanddone Those suggestions are in line with trying to get me to mature, right? Just checking.

I work on a bus currently as a special needs aide and I don’t think I could drive commercially, just by watching the driver. But the Alaska thing could be interesting.

I would indeed like to teach English - I just wouldn’t want to be some child’s horror story because I taught them in a way that wasn’t kosher, not having the proper training. “What? We have to learn English? How do you pronounce these words with these letters that don’t make sound? Pinyin is so much easier… Why can’t teacher explain English’s orthography and its connection to speech?” (I’m joking a bit with that last part, but I hope you get what I mean.)

15

English teachers in China use many methods. Most are teaching college aged students, so they use things that would be of interest to those students, like pop culture or baseball or movies. Some are employed by language schools that have programs they require the teachers to use. Many just have conversations. It’s up to you to find a system you are happy with.

It’s also not a lifetime commitment. Many go for one year and then decide they love it or that it’s not for him.

16

I have a friend that is teaching kids from China English online from her house in the morning. She literally just has conversations with them.

17

I don’t think you need a counselor to help you make decisions. I think you need one to find out why you’re standing in your own way. Have you talked to your primary physician to rule out any physical issues? Have you been checked for depression? If you want to do things but can’t motivate yourself to do them, maybe the cause is something physical. Your parents are probably worried and don’t know what to do.

I wouldn’t move far away until you figure out why you’re in this cycle. A young person who believes they’re “dumb” and “worthless” shouldn’t be on the other side of the world. You’ve shown you can be successful in college, so you’re clearly an intelligent person. Can you see a counselor to talk through your issues?

18

My nephew was sort of in your situation…he did about a semester or two of college and then dropped out.
Then he joined the Air Force. Stayed there for like 6-8 years. Then he used the GI Bill funds to go back to college as a teacher.

I think whatever you do, sticking with low paying jobs as your primary focus is not the best strategy for the long term.
you will not have a good foundation for a career and your earnings will suffer.

19

Sometimes you just need to be ready. CoolStoryBro time:

My freshman year roommate – a friend from HS – insisted he drive home every weekend to see his girlfriend. Of course he failed out freshman year. Moved back home, went to CC for a year, did OK, and got re-admitted to the university. First week back she dumps him and he goes delta-house berzerker and fails out a second time.

Moves back home again, gets a workingman’s job, does that for a while and realizes “hey this is hard work”. Goes back to CC, then transfers to a state directional… and realized he could do well if he wanted to, then went on to law school and he now has a successful practice. But that process took him a long time.

Maybe you are just not ready. Everybody is different. You’ll get where you are going as long as you keep moving.

20

OP- when was your last physical?