<p>What's "fair" and what's "equal" at your house? If we pay more now, are we "robbing" the older kids? </p>
<p>Imagine a family with kids of widely different ages . Is it fair to give one kid help for grad school when the others didn't get that help?<br>
Family under consideration is strictly fictional....
Factors: Kid one - 5 years undergrad (changed majors) at in-state flagship. Happy at job and hasn't ever voiced an interest in grad school. Not even interested in buying a home at the moment. Loves job and life as it is.
Kid two - two years a pricy private, one full pay, one (due to parent unemployment) has an outstanding Perkins loan of $2000. Finished degree with parent payments equal or less than kid in dorm. Worked in lab part time to pay extras. Currently a PhD candidate, fully funded for at least the next 4 years. Since the loan is deferred while in grad school , kid is letting it ride, but I have money set aside to pay it at that time, so debt-free undergrad.</p>
<p>Kid 3 will have had 4 years at pricy private with a huge scholarship but still way above the in-state equalivant. We have been able to pay and this kid has no loans. Kid is now looking at a MS program after next year. </p>
<p>MS programs are less likely to be funded than the older kid's PhD program... So - should parents limit their contributions based on what the older kids got? What's "fair" and what's "equal" at your house? If we pay more now, are we "robbing" the older kids?</p>
<p>From a child’s perspective, I’ve also been a fan of examining situations in isolation to determine the best allocation of funds. If I were analyzing the fictional family, I would be more curious about whether the MS program is the best step for child 3 or whether it’s a comfortable place to spend a year while not knowing what to do after college. Also, I’d advise the parent to ask the advice of the other two children to see what they recommend. If both think the program is a good idea for child 3, then I wouldn’t see a reason to withhold funds – it’s not like you’re depriving the others.</p>
<p>For us, it is about equal opportunity. One of my kids is going to grad school and the other doesn’t need to for her career. We paid for our kids to go to any undergrad they wanted to. We’re paying for grad school for D1. We don’t have grad school for D2 to pay but if she wanted to go to grad school, she’d be offered the same opportunity. We didn’t compare prices of each of their colleges (though they were similar in cost). But even if the prices were widely different, it would not have mattered as each one go to go to the college of her choice. </p>
<p>What was matched for both kids was equal opportunity, not equal dollar amounts when it came to funding education. </p>
<p>We use equal dollar amounts for other things like allowance, food, clothing.</p>
<p>Think of it this way: first acknowledge all 3 kids get their undergraduate programs fully paid by you (including 2nd child). It’s the education you paid for, not whether it was public or private.</p>
<p>Then, for the sake of “what ifs?” assume you are no longer alive and your estate is divided 3 ways. If the third child wants that money to go towards grad school, then that’s where it goes. If 1st child wants to purchase a house, that’s where he spends it. And if 2nd child wants to invest in stocks and bonds, that’s where that money goes. </p>
<p>My point is that you might want to consider each expenditure as an investment. Education, real estate, or stocks/bonds. And your “extra” money should be divided more-or-less equally, but where it goes may be more individually directed.</p>
<p>financial fairness to 3 kids is a question I have wrestled with. We have some college savings for each child, but are fin aid dependent to make college affordable.</p>
<p>How you approach this question depends upon where your kids are grade wise. If none have entered college, how do you ensure that there will be some form of equal allocation for all? I suppose that’s what budgeting is for but planning for 9 years with one or two kids in college per year seems daunting, especially when trying to get a grip on one year is difficult. Still it is a worthwhile exercise to go through.</p>
<p>I think that the most important thing we have done to be fair is to include our kids in planning for college. We let them know what our resources are and what kind of support they can expect from us. This helps them to shape their college lists and also has motivated them to focus on their HS studies in order to get scholarships and/or get admitted to schools with generous financial aid. This also includes letting them know what can expect in the way of student loans. (They don’t like the thought of borrowing money any more than we do.) This has worked well so far. They also understand the importance of graduating in 4 years. A fifth year would be at their own expense.</p>
<p>As far as graduate school is concerned, that is something that takes a back seat to helping with an undergrad education. If we have any financial resources earmarked for education remaining after everyone has an undergrad degree we can always help to pay off some loans.</p>
<p>I’ve told S if he wants to go to grad school, it’s up to him to pay for it. That being said, if you want to pay for the MS and can afford it, do it.</p>
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<p>No way–it’s none of their business. It’s your money.</p>
<p>In our family, our kids also have graduated debt free from undergrad and are pursuing grad degrees. We decided to let the kids take loans and fund their own grad studies whilst we catch up on our home equity line loans from undergrad years. We have been funding tuition for a long long time and are taking a breather.</p>
<p>But, we are also thinking hard about this- is it more “fair” to give each kid the same amount? What if one’s is more expensive than the other? What if one is longer than the other? I hope it all comes to me by the time D1 finishes grad school ;)</p>
<p>My parents would not do for me what they couldn’t do for my younger sister equally. This meant that they paid for my community college out of pocket until my scholarship funds came in October and February to reimburse them, because they knew they could afford to send her to community college, and that they cosigned private loans to fund my attendance at a local state school subject to their agreement-- I could only take out so much because they needed to be able to cosign for her, too, without depleting their credit. We haven’t discussed grad school but I would suspect there is either going to be no assistance for either us, besides our old bedrooms if we want them and MAYBE a car to borrow, or I will get no help but she will-- since they will be busy dealing with her undergrad when I’d be in grad, and even with all my expenses covered by my loans I am probably spending most of their discretionary income on incidentals and would expect sister to do the same . Given that this is a matter of financial reality and practicality I wouldn’t be particularly offended by that arrangement. I would also not be offended if they let her go to a more expensive school than me-- I think they’d have to be stupid to since my debt is outrageous, but I went to the best school for my situation and it just so happened to cost X. If the best school for sister’s situation just so happens to cost Y, it is what it is. What if it were cheaper, would I expect them to cut me a check for the difference? It doesn’t make any sense to me to be annoyed about a difference in cost. I could go to a cheaper school that is awesome in my program while she goes to a school of the same cost that sucks in her program, how would that be fair? Fairness in cost and fairness in VALUE need to both be considered.</p>
<p>I have saved/am saving money for my two kids in dedicated accounts. They each will get the same amount of money, which will pay for 1) 4 years at a state school with a tidy sum left over for grad school, a house downpayment, life expenses while getting launched into adulthood, whatever; 2) a private school that gives them some merit aid; or 3) about 3/4 of a really expensive private school (we are not eligible for need-based aid).</p>
<p>So as to allow the kids maximum flexibility, I put some of the money into 529s, which are only for educational expenses, and some into UGMAs, which are not tax advantaged but can be used for anything.</p>
<p>My son, once I laid “the financials” out for him and gave him my opinion about debts, chose the state flagship. We are lucky that this is an excellent institution which will meet his needs well.</p>
<p>My middle-class parents did much the same for my sisters and me when we were young. They saved up so that we each got a sum equal to instate tuition/room/board; it was up to us to decide how we wanted to “invest” it. Both my sisters attended state flagships and I attended an Ivy League school with the help of a couple of private merit scholarships that made up the difference in cost. For grad school, we were on our own. I got a PhD on a fellowship, one of my sisters got an MS one course at a time, while working and paying for it herself, and one did not attend grad school. We were all very grateful to my parents, felt fairly treated, and did not need to borrow money.</p>
<p>We were able to fund both kids for undergrad. Dd received a fellowship for her grad education, but that was because she was going into an academic Phd program.<br>
My son may want to go to law school or get an MBA at some point, and we would help him out to some degree if he chooses to do that, although I’d very much encourage him to look for law school scholarships, as there are many.
I don’t think my daughter would think it was unfair of us to help him with his grad school even though we didn’t help her with hers. We would have if she’d needed it.<br>
On a slightly different note, we gave our son a car as he planned to stay in California for college. Daughter went to the east coast and didn’t want or need a car. We didn’t worry about the financial inequities of that. </p>
<p>When our daughter gets married, we will probably be footing the bill. I don’t worry that we most likely won’t spend as much for our son’s when the time comes. Our daughter also was much harder on our clothing budget through the years, as well as various extra-curricular activity costs, with no resentment or expectation from our son that we spend as much on him.
We’ve taken the view that we will do what we can afford and what makes sense to each kid at the time. I think it all evens out in the end.</p>