Fall semester failure

Parent Cafe
21

<p>Please read about “Executive Function” and make sure your kid doesn’t have shortcomings in that department (the part of the brain that says “lab is in an hour so I have to get to the dining hall now . . .”) </p>

<p>One of our guys did ok for two terms and then crashed and burned. Turned out he had un treated ADD and miserable Executive Function. </p>

<p>There are specific tests for Executive Function. They are:</p>

<p>Delis-Kaplan Executive Function System (D-KEFS)
Auditory Consonant Trigrams (Brown Peterson Task)
Rey Complex Rigure Test</p>

<p>One can have high IQ and low Executive Function. </p>

<p>Meanwhile, carefully read the college website on repeating courses. It may be that S can repeat classes and replace the grades. (See my thread here on </p>

<p><a href=“http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1281987-college-policies-earned-f.html[/url]”>http://talk.collegeconfidential.com/parents-forum/1281987-college-policies-earned-f.html&lt;/a&gt;&lt;/p&gt;

<p>Also, go for a walk with S (side by side means there is no dominance in play) and ask him to tell you what sort of courses he likes the best and those he dislikes. Does he do better with multiple choice exams? Group projects? Lots of reading? Class discussion?</p>

<p>Our guy switched from reading/writing intense classes to more linear computer programming classes and is much happier. He’s a chatter and has great recall – so a “Class participation” and “multiple choice” format works much, much better than an “essay” format. </p>

<p>Most of all, remind kid that he is worthwhile. Behind his snarling is a worried, disgusted, miserable being. His brain isn’t fully developed until age 25. </p>

<p>My DH dropped out of his first college. He ended up bussing tables for awhile. Eventually he returned to college and found the right groove. He earned his PhD and is very well respected in his field. </p>

<p>Both our sons have run into some choppy seas at time. Part of life is figuring out what swamps a boat. Congratulate your kid (no sarcasm!) on that progress – and then tell him that next time he hits heavy seas, he can call on you early and often and you’ll listen. He doesn’t have to stagger through misery alone in the future – whatever that future may be.</p>

22

<p>I second Olymom about looking into whether your son might have Executive Function problems.</p>

23

<p>My S has had executive function problems all his life. Something more serious is going on for LawnSon to fail all his classes in one semester.</p>

24

<p>Executive function problems by themselves would do it, I report sadly, from personal experience.</p>

25

<p>I have a nephew at one of the colleges that’s good with kids with ADHD and he seems to like it quite a bit and is doing well there. He’s on his second semester there, on the East Coast (his family is on the West Coast) and is doing fine on his own. His New England relatives are about two hours by train so he has some support here.</p>

<p>He had a fair number of problems in his public school where it was like steerage as a student and his mother put him in a small (tiny actually) private school and he did a lot better there with the individual attention. I think that he’s a pretty bright kid but he needs the kind of advising that you get from parents that have already sent their kids through college.</p>

26

<p>lawnguy, S2 had the same issue first sem. freshman year…ended the sem w. 4 F’s and 2 D’s. Told us that whole time he thought grades were OK, not great but Ok. He was depressed, skipped/slept through too many classes/assignments, made the mistake of thinking he could catch up at the end like in h.s. and was basically overwhelmed. Of course he hid all this from us.</p>

<p>In the spring he repeated three (maximum retakes allowed at his univ.) of the four F classes. The fourth F was a 1 credit hr. freshman orientation class. He was on academic prob. With the retakes plus two additional classes, he managed a 2.5 in the spring which brought his cum. gpa up to 2.1 getting him off probation. First sem. was just a wash. Second sem. was when he really learned how to be a college student. He has done well since with a 3.0 or better every sem. He’s now a senior set to graduate in May.</p>

<p>I did insist he give me his Blackboard password for that spring sem. so I could check in on how things were going and he was held accountable. I think that really helped. Didn’t have to do that after that semester. Good luck to you. It can get better if the kid really wants it to.</p>

27

<p>I like to suggest that high-school kids take a summer college course if at all possible (I realize that it is an expense in terms of time, money and transportation) to get a feel for what a college course is like. The students will find that they have a lot of freedom, that the pace of the course moves more quickly than they may be used to and that nobody is going to provide reminders of when things are due or when quizzes and exams are held.</p>

28

<p>Ohhh, we’re on this same ride with S2, but he would have been a senior this year. Is now working, registering for a CC class, and most importantly, was evaluated and dx with ADD inattentive. You have to try and not see the lying as a moral issue – it’s a flight response. </p>

<p>Does he want to go back? Does he need to regroup? I caution against the send him back concept unless you and he feel like he knows what to do this time. I think it’s less important to analyze what went wrong than it is to plan what to do right in a concrete, sustainable, accountable way. </p>

<p>We spent a fortune on tuition before we realized something more than sheer immaturity and lack of motivation was at work. Time spent getting good answers might be more valuable than time spent in school, right now. But you know you kid better than any of us. Hang in there</p>

29

<p>

</p>

<p>It sounds like he is not taking the same courses this semester…probably because he made his spring schedule before he knew the outcome of fall. Therefore, it’s unlikely he will be able to achieve a 2.0 cum gpa this semester. You need to get more information on what his status is right now, how long he has to achieve the minimum gpa requirement, and what programs the school offers/mandates for students on probation/intervention. Also, if financial aid is in play, find out what the effect on that will be.</p>

<p>You should probably look into summer classes to replace some of those grades asap. The SUNY Learning Network is a good place to start as most SUNY credits transfer easily within the system.</p>

<p>

</p>

<p>Yes, class attendance can greatly influence grades. Most of my kids’ (SUNY) profs have info clearly spelled out in the syllabus so your S should know whether missing 3 classes will result in a full letter grade reduction. Missing quizzes and exams is definitely a serious problem as there are often only 2-3 exams given in a semester and they usually account for a large percentage of the grade.</p>

<p>If it were my son (and I have one who ended up with 2 D’s first semester), I would be very specific about my expectations (particularly attendance), clear on the consequences, and cautious about accepting verbal assurances that all is well academically. Some posters have had their kids sign written agreements and, while I haven’t done that, I think that does help bring all of the elements together. He can recover from this but he has to make a commitment to do so and understand that college is not like high school.</p>

30

<p>

</p>

<p>I can relate. After my son’s first year of college, my answer to how it went was “well, he’s not dead or in prison, …”</p>

<p>Just know that even in the rarified world of CC, you are not alone. My son graduated from HS in '09 and my D in '11. I post a lot on the College Class of '13 thread (even though my son will not graduate in '13 or possibly ever) but not on the Class of '15 thread. There was just such tremendous optimism on that thread last spring and fall…I didn’t want to be the downer of the group, but I just knew from experience that it would not go well for everyone.</p>

31

<p>When I read the freshmen retention and 6-year graduation rates at many colleges and universities, I realize that many kids have bad first semesters, or bad first years, or several bad semesters/years, etc. Certainly a large number of students have academic difficulties.</p>

<p>When I read the individual CC posts regarding bad semesters, I pay heed. I think it’s important to attend a school where you’re solidly in the “middle 50%”, not the “bottom 25%” of HS scores/grades/academic capability history, so that there’s some cushion on college academic performance expectations. We’re avoiding the “reach” schools in DS’ candidate schools list.</p>

32

<p>Thanks for all your replies. This fiasco wasn’t a lack of ability or intelligence, he was being defiant and by the time he realized who would suffer, it was too late to recover.</p>

<p>We’d forgotten that 18 yo’s are vastly smarter than their parents!</p>

<p>I am reminded of Will Smiths’ line in I Robot, “You are the dumbest smart person I know”!</p>

33

<p>

</p>

<p>Isn’t that the truth!!</p>

34

<p>

I think it really depends on the kid. I think some will just gravitate toward the dominant culture, so it that includes a lot of partying and skipping classes they’ll join in and get in trouble. While they might not at a school that is more serious. My older son desperately needed a school where he’d be really challenged. He loathes being bored. My younger son is at a reach - and it really is only an issue because he’s taking a difficult language at a school where that language is taught at a faster pace than at other schools.</p>

35

<p>I certainly appreciate this thread.</p>

<p>My DS did not fail any classes, but got barely under a 2.0 so is on academic probation. If he doesn’t get above 2.0 this quarter, he is gone. </p>

<p>We have set our expectations, but have not gone to the point of asking for his login to the blackboard. My DH and I go round and round about how much ‘helicoptering’ we need to be doing.</p>

<p>We both know that our DS knows what is at stake. And we know he is clearly capable. We just worry (OK, I am the worrier) that it still hasn’t sunk in what the consequences are. (Although, I also worry that he does know and may fail simply to come back home where his GF is. During the winter break he talked about transferring home, but we told him he needs to stick it out. He thinks that by coming home, life will be as it was during HS, and we try to tell him that even his HS friends that stayed home have moved on. Life will not be the same.)</p>

<p>So, should we up the ante a bit and hover a bit more, or should we just let him know that we love him and we know he can do it, and let him take it from there?</p>

36

<p>^that’s the hardest part about being a parent – knowing the right “mix” that will console your child yet challenge him/her to be the best they can be. The answer is different for every parent, and for every parent of a child in a new situation.</p>

<p>I told D: if your Spring grades are like the ones in the fall, you’re not going back. Then I told her I understood why her transition was tough (sports injury, strep, anemic, doing a sport, being away from home). So my approach was a mix of laying down the law and being sympathetic. </p>

<p>I have no idea if this will work – it just felt right at the time. What I know won’t work is repeated admonishments or screaming matches about her grades. The future is up to her. And I think that’s sinking in.</p>

37

<p>“One can have high IQ and low Executive Function” - So true! </p>

<p>There’s many a sad tale about this on these CC threads. It seems more likely to trip up a kid in college if hs courses were easy enough for the bright student to “wing it” and get decent grades.</p>

38

<p>After 20+ years of parenting, I have concluded that the hardest thing is deciding whether to kick your child in the behind or give your child a hug when he or she is messing up. Some combination of both, as others have indicated, is probably best.</p>