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<p>Aside from the alcohol part (I can’t believe she’d actually publish that part, even if true), I was struck by this comment as well. How the heck does she know what the girl’s parents are / are unable to do for Parents Weekend? For all she knows, the girl’s parents are home with a disabled relative, or don’t have two nickels to rub together, or can’t get time off work, and don’t have the luxury of bumming around rural New England for a parents weekend.</p>
<p>You’re all taking this column way too literally. It was meant to be self-deprecating and tongue-in-cheek - not a factual account of the weekend. She may have left out much of the good in the weekend to highlight the tension and awkward moments that are the gist of the article.</p>
<p>I think it was entertaining and I give her credit for “going there,” and making the story more realistic. Does anyone really think the NYT would be interested in publishing an article about a perfectly wonderful parent’s weekend with an always polite, thoughtful and mature child like all of those on CC? :)</p>
<p>I kind of get her knee jerk reaction to the snotty comment about the GPS, maybe she’ll regret that she wrote about it but it was honest. I was surprised that she bought the alcohol, she clearly felt used by her daughter, but still gave in. The child has way too much power in this relationship if mom is supplying her underage child with booze. I would be gigantically annoyed if one of my son’s friends parents bought him alcohol.</p>
<p>I was glad the husband took a stand after much provocation, I admit I laughed at this story in that slightly uncomfortable way you sometimes do. I guess mom got her payback for the crappy behavior.</p>
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<p>Uh, no. Think again. Not that I have either lived or observed among friends and acquaintances of my age. </p>
<p>I had to snort at the GPS/mother comment, but I agree that it, like the alcohol purchase, may come back to bite them. The D’s friends aren’t going to relish being made fun of in the NYT.</p>
<p>I generally have a real problem with people who exploit their family and friends to gain notice (bloggers) or advance careers (guest columnists?) with no apparent regard for anyone else’s privacy. I have a relative who is a writer has been blogging for a while. She has published misinformation about our mutual ancestors, and “exposed” a supposed drinking problem on the part of someone who didn’t have one on the sketchiest of evidence. (Ironically never mentioning that a sibling of that generation really WAS a raging alcoholic, who was committed to a famous hospital before he finally conquered it. Probably she doesn’t know about it.) She has published accounts of estrangements and rifts in her family that I find simply astonishing. And her friends congratulate her on her “honesty.” I’d suggest that she consider examining her egotism, instead.</p>
<p>There certainly are columnists who manage to include stories involving family members while exercising good judgement about what to reveal and what to keep within the family.</p>
<p>Parent of girls - two have graduated and two are juniors.
After suffering through 12 child/years of college; I thought it was hilarious. Funny to the bone.</p>
<p>I agree with Gourmetmom - </p>
<p>This is a testament to the dumb things that colleges offer to parent’s for parent weekend and the complete disconnect between the parent’s and child’s desires.
More importantly, it demonstrates that the separation process is not always graceful and fluid. The parent’s are on the child’s turf and this is unsettleing. 18 year olds - no matter how mature we thought they were in high school 
- are rather immature.</p>
<p>I will honestly admit that over the years, my girls’ have at times hurt my feelings. They have done and said things to me that were, on the surface ungrateful and upsetting.
I have learned as a parent, to take these little episode with a grain of salt and treat them with humor. If your child treats you like dirt - it’s all about the growing up and out process. They are creating their life and get nervous when you intrude on their turf.</p>
<p>Finally, I admit that I chuckle inside when I read about other people ‘not so perfect’ children. ;)</p>
<p>I took the “don’t you have a mother” as a way of wondering why themom didn’t teach the rude girl manners.</p>
<p>This piece left me feeling sad (mother of a daughter). Disrespect on both sides, total lack of communication, underage alcohol purchase … maybe their relationship wasn’t that great pre-college. I get the rolled eyes and mild annoyance - but “shut up”? Don’t think so. If I go to a parents weekend I’ll check with my D to see if she’d like me to come and what she’d like to do. And if I go and she has friends whose parents can’t come for whatever reason, I will happily take them out for dinner.</p>
<p>Wow. Well, I agree with many of you. Anything for readership, anything for a laugh, I guess. But I’d never publish that about myself or my kid in a million years. Bad mom, Bad kid, Bad newspaper for publishing it.</p>
<p>As “pathetic” as the story was it was also very funny. I think most parents could relate in some small way to how our kids act when they see us on their campus for the first time. I remember helping our kids move into off campus apartments and after hauling and cleaning and shopping we took them out to dinner. They made it clear that in the nicest of ways that our job was done. Husband and I headed back to our hotel and barely had the energy to shower before we fell into bed.</p>
<p>Am I the only one who knows that our sweet little darlings could be downright nasty sometimes…even the best of them.</p>
<p>I bought alcohol for my kids on Parents Weekend when they were underage. I knew they drank sometimes, didn’t object to it on moral grounds, trusted them, and knew they would appreciate it. There isn’t some kind of universal parent consensus on this; deal with it.</p>
<p>My kids were nowhere near as bratty to me as the kid in the article, although all of the same tensions were firmly in place (except no one even considered sleeping in my hotel room, or even one year in the home of the relatives with whom I stayed). The main activity at my kids’ college is model classes that parents could attend, and my kids were pretty good sports at accompanying me to some of them. Much to the envy of some of the other parents there, who hadn’t been so lucky – no class had more than two current students in attendance. In one kid’s case, one of those model classes actually wound up changing his academic direction, because he was so turned on by it.</p>
<p>My goals were to reassure them that I missed them but hadn’t gone to seed in their absence, and that they could start to build a more adult relationship with me. Also to take them and friends of their choosing out to a nicer dinner than they could otherwise afford, to meet some actual friends and to get some sense of what their living circumstances were, and to pander to them by buying some booze. And to have at least a few minutes of comfortable conversation like we used to have. I was pretty successful at accomplishing those things.</p>
<p>Interesting comment on the blog -</p>
<p> and I hate to take the tone down, but years ago there were no parents weekends. It is my understanding that they started (probably in the late 80s or early 90s because of an increase in freshman suicides. I know of some colleges who have only Freshman Family Weekend in the fall.</p>
<p>Can anyone confirm?</p>
<p>My college had father-daughter and mother-daughter weekends and father-son and mother-son weekends. My very vague recollection is that they were only for freshmen. </p>
<p>The system actually had its advantages. No awkwardness for children of divorced and separated parents. Activities geared for parents of a single sex. I have very little recollection of mother-daughter weekend. I had a pretty good time at father-daughter weekend. I think my dad did too–he kind of bonded with the father of one of my friends. Actually learned a lot more about my friend than I had learned that far. </p>
<p>I remember that one of the events was going to the football game. I think the dads were more interested in the game than most of the girls were. It was sort of funny because some of the girls who had gone to single-sex high schools knew zilch about football and kind of LIKED having dad explain what was going on.</p>
<p>Cute article, lots of it sound familiar.</p>
<p>When we went, for D1, the theme was drive her to stores & buy her stuff, then feed her at someplace other than the meal plan.</p>
<p>I do hope that the daughter was forwarned about this article - and I suspect it was written with a bit of heightened tension to bring out the humor (a long accepted practice dating back to at least the era of Erma Bombeck).</p>
<p>That aside, there was much included that did not seem hyperbolic and rang true as a sad commentary on the state of American Family Dynamics. I understand that children are not always polite, or even rational, as they try to separate from their families and find their own way in the world and I have the memory of an unpleasant Mother’s Day dinner with my then soon to graduate hs daughter to remind me of it. But I have heard a shocking number of tales regarding college age children who are the essence of sweetness when their parents are doing what they want and buying them what they want, but when getting what they want is denied these same sweet, smiling children with nice wardrobes, good grooming habits and impeccable academic stats turn on their parents and denounce them to their peers at college as “stupid b…” and “dumb w…” or suggest that perhaps their parents have outlived the point of usefulness in this world and should simply die off and get out of their way. That’s a really lovely sentiment from a kid spending 50K+ per year to indulge his college life fantasies - all courtesy of Mom and Dad who have outlived a useful lifespan or purpose in his humble 18 year old opinion.</p>
<p>So I guess the answer to the question ‘why are so many parents afraid of their kids?’ is that they know the kind of kids they’ve raised - continuing to give in is the denial phase, delaying the inevitable realization that their kids are shiny examples of all that money can buy - and all that it can’t.</p>
<p>I had a parents’ weekend in 1974. Same awkwardness. It was only for freshmen . . . but then I have never seen anyone other than the parents of freshmen at current parents’ weekends, even if nothing says only they are invited.</p>
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<p>It’s no mystery where the daughter learned her inappropriateness.</p>
<p>My kid is far from perfect and I’m even farther from perfect. However, we draw the line at being rude to each other and apologize when we fall short.</p>
<p>Any parent that is purchasing alcohol for their student, regardless of how they feel about it morally, should understand they are supplying for other students as well, students they don’t know who may not be as ‘responsible’ as your student. What students get on their own is their own business, and it is up to each student to decide if they will drink or not. A parent supplying alcohol for underage students is irresponsible at best, and illegal in some cases. You break the law, enable your student to do the same, and then wonder why your kids have issues with respect. When you get a call from your students college regarding an infraction for having alcohol in their dorm (which some schools do) are you going to stand up and say that you bought it, or let your kid take the fall by themselves?</p>
<p>JHS, I don’t object to my son having a glass of wine with dinner, I don’t serve alcohol to other peoples children without permission or there presence. I would be annoyed if someone I didn’t know made the decision for my kid. Especially since it wasn’t a glass of wine with dinner or a beer at a barbecue.</p>
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Respectfully disagree. If your child treats you like dirt it’s because you didn’t teach him or her to treat you, and others, reasonably respectfully.</p>
<p>I guess I just took this article very tongue in cheek. As a matter of fact, my DH and I are heading out to parents weekend in one week - so I forwarded this story to him and said I hoped our weekend goes better than this!</p>
<p>It will be our first PW, and as excited as I am about seeing my DS, I’ve started to tone down my expectations about how much I’ll see him, heart-to-heart talks, etc.!</p>